Should I ask for a diagnosis?

[raine]

Hi,

 

My first post here.

 

I've long suspected I might be borderline for some kind of Autism or Aspergers. I've always felt at odds with the world, and always seem to be upsetting people when I've said things that seem perfectly logical or polite to me. I've also lost a couple of jobs because I don't seem to understand people, and they don't understand me, and been in trouble because of getting bogged down in detail rather than working to the 80:20 rule.

 

I've just taken the AQ test online, in which I scored 34.

 

My question is - should I go to the doctor and ask to be referred to get an official diagnosis, or not?

 

For my own peace of mind, I think it would be helpful to know that it's not just me being awkward, socially inept, uncaring, whatever.

 

However, I don't know how helpful it would ultimately be?

 

For example, would it jeopardize my chances of getting medical insurance, or in other ways? I'm thinking about forms I've filled out in the past where you're asked if you've ever sought help for, or been diagnosed with, any form of mental condition or illness. I can't remember exactly what forms I've seen these questions in now? Perhaps someone could remind me?

 

I'm worried that if I am diagnosed I will use this as an excuse for bad behaviour, rather than taking responsibility for how I act, and trying to learn and improve. My life is far from being a disaster, although my lack of social skills has definitely shaped my life in a big way. I changed career from my office job to where I now work for myself, although I do still struggle with interactions with people in that environment. I'm married, so I'm not on my own, although I don't really feel that my husband knows me that well. I don't have many friends, and have even less now that we've all got older, got married and stuff, as the friendships were almost exclusively based on activities rather than emotional ties. I often feel lonely, as my husband has lots of friends who he goes out with, and my natural tendency is to isolate myself, and I no longer have the forced social interaction of being in an office.

 

My husband gets very angry when I upset someone, or when I'm a bit curt with someone, and always blames me. Maybe he would be more understanding of my behaviour if I was diagnosed? I nervous about even mentioning ASD to him though, as I'm sure he will think I just want to use it as an excuse. He thinks I'm just being rude, inconsiderate and unpleasant to people, and just need to pull myself together and start behaving in a more acceptable way.

 

What do you think? Approach doctors / specialists with a view to being diagnosed, or just get on with my life and hope that I'll eventually be able to learn how to interact better? I'm 37, so I've got this far. Will the benefits of being diagnosed actually outweigh the negatives? And I should also consider, if I go to see a specialist and they say I don't have any kind of ASD, where will that leave me then??

 

Has anyone here been to a doctor for diagnosis and ultimately ended up wishing they hadn't? Has it actually had any kind of positive effect on your life?

 

Thanks for listening, and sorry to go on so much.

Edited August 31, 2010 by raine

[A and A]

You've got this far without any real serious problems. Not everybody is born to be great communicator, in fact most of us aren't and we all will have said things that will have upset people when we didn't mean to.

 

We are all different, i believe there are a lot of people being diagnosed with ASD or AS that need not be. When in reality they are more likely at one end of the personality spectrum rather than this all encompassing autistic one we have now.

 

You are 37, do you really think it will make that much difference to your life?

[Karen A]

Hi raine and Welcome to the Forum.

There are increasing numbers of adults joining the Forum who have obtained an AS diagnosis as an adult or who like yourself are wondering about asking for a referral for assessments.

 

I have a son with AS who is 12 and was diagnosed just over a year ago.

I think that an AS diagnosis can be very helpful in explaining things that a person has thought about or found difficult.

It does not on its own help to solve relationship difficulties.It depends on what a person does with the information and how it is understood and used by the person and others.

However I know many here have found the process helpful if lengthy.

 

I do not have AS myself.But there are lots of people who post on ''beyond adolescence'' who do.

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/Index.php?/forum/14-beyond-adolescence/

It might be encouraging to read around there.

Karen.

Edited August 31, 2010 by Karen A

[Minime72]

Hi,

 

My first post here.

 

I've long suspected I might be borderline for some kind of Autism or Aspergers. I've always felt at odds with the world, and always seem to be upsetting people when I've said things that seem perfectly logical or polite to me. I've also lost a couple of jobs because I don't seem to understand people, and they don't understand me, and been in trouble because of getting bogged down in detail rather than working to the 80:20 rule.

 

I've just taken the AQ test online, in which I scored 34.

 

My question is - should I go to the doctor and ask to be referred to get an official diagnosis, or not?

 

For my own peace of mind, I think it would be helpful to know that it's not just me being awkward, socially inept, uncaring, whatever.

 

However, I don't know how helpful it would ultimately be?

 

For example, would it jeopardize my chances of getting medical insurance, or in other ways? I'm thinking about forms I've filled out in the past where you're asked if you've ever sought help for, or been diagnosed with, any form of mental condition or illness. I can't remember exactly what forms I've seen these questions in now? Perhaps someone could remind me?

 

I'm worried that if I am diagnosed I will use this as an excuse for bad behaviour, rather than taking responsibility for how I act, and trying to learn and improve. My life is far from being a disaster, although my lack of social skills has definitely shaped my life in a big way. I changed career from my office job to where I now work for myself, although I do still struggle with interactions with people in that environment. I'm married, so I'm not on my own, although I don't really feel that my husband knows me that well. I don't have many friends, and have even less now that we've all got older, got married and stuff, as the friendships were almost exclusively based on activities rather than emotional ties. I often feel lonely, as my husband has lots of friends who he goes out with, and my natural tendency is to isolate myself, and I no longer have the forced social interaction of being in an office.

 

My husband gets very angry when I upset someone, or when I'm a bit curt with someone, and always blames me. Maybe he would be more understanding of my behaviour if I was diagnosed? I nervous about even mentioning ASD to him though, as I'm sure he will think I just want to use it as an excuse. He thinks I'm just being rude, inconsiderate and unpleasant to people, and just need to pull myself together and start behaving in a more acceptable way.

 

What do you think? Approach doctors / specialists with a view to being diagnosed, or just get on with my life and hope that I'll eventually be able to learn how to interact better? I'm 37, so I've got this far. Will the benefits of being diagnosed actually outweigh the negatives? And I should also consider, if I go to see a specialist and they say I don't have any kind of ASD, where will that leave me then??

 

Has anyone here been to a doctor for diagnosis and ultimately ended up wishing they hadn't? Has it actually had any kind of positive effect on your life?

 

Thanks for listening, and sorry to go on so much.

 

 

 

 

The more I read that the more I thought that's me, did I write that and forgot I did? I'm even the same age!

 

I had a diagnosis years ago, been in denial though however its becomming more obvious as I get older, I think when I was working I could curb it somewhat as I was in a controlled environment whereas I'm a stay at home mum now so its got to a point where it can't be denied anymore as it has a major impact on the family, relationships, friendships etc. I feel desperately sorry for my kids as the only interaction they get is with kids in play centres and my lads pre school like they don't have any little friends because I don't speak to the mothers to make any :/

 

I'm going to gp when kids back in school next week so perhaps you should also take that step for your own peace of mind. Not sure what if anything they can offer but I guess once you know for sure you can start to understand yourself and allow others to understand you too

[raine]

Thanks very much for your replies.

 

It's nice to get both sides of the argument from A&A and from Minime72, as well as Karen's view as a NT person. Gives me a lot to think about, and I will definitely ponder this for a while before I make any decisions to speak to a GP.

 

A&A, it stung a little to see you dismissing my situation as likely being no worse than the rest of society, as I feel (and I'm sure my husband would agree) that my problems go beyond "we all will have said things that will have upset people when we didn't mean to". However, I do fully take on board what you said about the fact that I've come this far without any sort of intervention or diagnosis, and that's really the crux of why I've posted here rather than speak to anyone else at this stage.

 

I need to think about what my motivation is for getting a potential diagnosis, and what effect that might have vs. what I effect think / hope it might have, vs. continuing with the status quo. Of course, there is no "cure", so I guess any progress / help would take a similar path to working on social / behavioural problems for a NT person? In that case, the only thing I would gain from a diagnosis is a label. And would it really be helpful to be labelled? It might, if I tell people who are sympathetic and understanding about the condition, or about mental health problems in general. But if I tell people who don't really believe in conditions like this, it might just result in me being stigmatised and seen as a liar, trouble-maker or attention-seeker.

 

Would all the aggro of going through a diagnosis process (or non-diagnosis, as it might end up) be worth the pain? Maybe not.

 

I'm just not sure that the positives would outweigh the negatives.

 

I think I'll have to spend some considerable time reading the beyond adolescence forum that Karen suggested. Thanks very much for the tip Karen.

 

Minime72, I really feel for you. You must be worried about your kids, but all you can do is try and be the best mum that you can, keep telling them that you love them, and when they're old enough to understand, explain your condition. I made a decision a long time ago that I would never have kids. I just can't believe that I would like (let alone love) them, or they me. And I've always thought that I would make a lousy mother - put it this way, I wouldn't have wanted a mother like me, that's for sure! Luckily my husband isn't bothered about kids either, so that lets me off the hook! I actually hadn't thought about the fact that very young kids meet most of their friends through their mums. Not sure what to suggest for that, other than maybe if there are some group social situations where you could blend into the background but give your kids the opportunity to meet other kids?

 

Thanks again for all your help and comments.