Sons giving out info left right and centre

[sawjd]

Hello everyone,

 

Two problems that have arisen one with the 19 year old and one with the 7 year old.

 

Our k was refusing to go into school on Wednesday. This day was PE day and he clung on to me as usual, dug his hands and nails into my hands and pulled me away from the school entrance, what upset me the most was (even though a teacher was coming to help me by using a distraction method which would have been better )the receptionist took it upon herself to grab k by the arm and said come on you are coming in and marched him off to class. I was shocked that she did this in front of me. She knows about his difficulties as i gave her a report about him to be passed onto to SENCO and teachers. I haven't had the time or energy to speak with her, i mentioned it to ks teacher and her reaction was 'she means well'. I said if it happens again i am complaining, with that in mind the teacher said she would have a word with her. What should i do, i spoke to the teacher about ks PE and not changing clothes. She said that was ok as long as k does PE in his plimsoles then thats fine. Its a step in the right direction i suppose.

 

For those with teenagers with ASD, how do you cope with them giving out info without your permission ?. Its becoming a night mare to explain to our 19 year old about giving out his email address and sharing this with companies. This includes things like bank details. I was lucky enough to catch him the other day before he gave out his details to a company and market research (something to do with a photo shoot company)He did not book anything but was willing to give his details to a perfect stranger when asked could he leave a deposit, and he was so upset with me. All i get is the usual ' you never let me do anything, you keep me caged,you never teach me anything etc etc. I always reply 'but D you don't listen and when you do you don't believe me'. This latest incident drained me big time today and all i can say is 'thank god its the weekend and one of us (parents) will be in to keep an eye on things. I am really reluctant to leave him on his own incase things like this happen. I have said about leaving the phone to take messages and if anyone knocks just say 'its best to speak to my mum' but he won't have it.

 

This week he has a lost a lot of stuff and his mind has been all over the place. So its just added to his behaviour.

 

Just glad to see the back of this week. Any advice about trying to get our teenager to be more secure with his info. He likes to leave receipts around and i keep telling him to rip things up but he think i being paranoid again.

 

We have tried to explain about scams and people wanting personal details from him, he thinks i am being paraniod. All i said was he needed to be careful, and then i get called 'paranoid'. Apparently i never teach him anything, i have tried, god knows i have explained and tried. He is still learning to use the cooker and refuses to use the grill and insists i buy a toaster (there is no workspace in the kitchen for a toaster). I don't get told i get shouted and screamed at. Please help, many thanks.

 

best wishes

 

sarni.

[LS2242]

Hi

 

You sound as though you are in the same position as me with my 9yr old. He has an issue with getting changed for PE and all last term school refusal. As much as it is not right for staff to drag him into school, I can see why they would do this rather than pussy footing around trying to coax him in. Next time or the time after he may not refuse to walk into the school, otherwise the mean receptionist will come along. Saying this though I am suprised in this day and age that they are allowed to do things like this. Infact I would go as far as saying they are not allowed. No matter what his reasons for not wanting to go to school, he should not be manhandled by any staff. Are children are supposed to have trust and respect for these people.

If this was my son, although I can understand how this would come about, I would be making it an official complaint to the head and the governors immediatley.

 

As for your teenager, I can relate to this. My son was giving his user name and password out on a game site for many many months and no matter how many times he lost his PC or someone stole his game account, he did not learn from his mistakes. I could not get it through to him that he shouldn't be doing this and giving him explanations. He was giving his real name and address out, he just could not understand what was wrong with doing this. In the end I got a friend to set up an account and basically wait until he gave her his details, which he did. Then we went round to her house and proved it could be anyone doing this and showed him they all having fun on his game account, whilst he sat at home crying. It did work, he is so much better and thinks a little first however if a new situation comes along he cant relate the two things as being similar and would make a similar mistake.

 

Maybe he has to learn the hard way.

 

Sorry not much help, but your not on your own.

[charlotte]

i used to refuse to go to school and was draged there by my parents. it is an experience i will never forget. i know now that it was mainly to do with class size, sensory difficulties and change. i ended up be taught at home by a tutor provided by the LEA. it was a long time before i was able to return to fulltime education but i am now doing a postgraduate degree and have worked for many years with special needs children.

 

try as best you can with both children to keep things simple consistant and give them warning of what will happen. speak to them when they are calm about things such personal infomation safe. try writing and or pictures placed on the wall eg by the computer keep the language simple. maybe rather that what not to do have eg i must only give my bank information to my parents and ask them before giving it to others.

try visual rewards for positive behaviour.

 

if him having his own account is something he is not ready for yet then can you have one where you also have to sign for him to have money out so the only money he has access to is cash. or two seperate accouts one with most of his money in that is kept safe from his ability to transfer and access (i dont know if this is possible). could you enlist the help of a local police officer to show him what happens rather than yourself?

[Sammysnake]

could you enlist the help of a local police officer to show him what happens rather than yourself?

I was thinking something similar - either a police officer or someone else your son respects and will listen to. If he hears the same information coming from another reliable source it will be harder for him to justify the thought that it's just you being paranoid.

 

I don't think I'll ever have to worry about this with my daughter. When she meets new children and they say 'what's your name?' she won't say and comes running back to me suspicious of why they want information about her!

[trekster]

1st of all i agree with the parents about the younger son. It is assault to touch someone without permission

but there are a few exceptions.

 

As for the 19 year old, how can you stop an autistic from being naive and trusting? It is in their nature unfortunately

i should know as ive been taken for a ride far too many times which is why i tend to warn other of potential dangers.

i am very protective towards some of my autistic friends.

 

"Asperger syndrome and adolescence" might give you some clues. Independence is both a scary and a strong feeling for

teenage aspergers. Good luck with finding help for your son. Maybe the NAS could help? There should be a social group

where he could attend and meet others like him and learn from each other.

 

You could try referring him to "martins money tips" as that shows scams and why they are dangerous.

Or you could watch watchdog together.

Edited September 19, 2010 by trekster

[Mumble]

I can't comment on the first because 'marching into class' as the OP puts it is rather different to being dragged into school as others have changed this to and this has the potential to be taken out of all proportion. Even if the report was given to the receptionist, she shouldn't have read this if she did her job properly but should have passed it on to the SENCO as requested so I don't think you can assume she has full knowledge of your son's dx. I wouldn't be complaining etc etc but waiting and seeing how things progress. As someone said, it may have taught him a useful lesson that he does walk into school.

 

As for the money etc, get him to watch a few episodes of The Real Hustle. Did it for me - I'm so paranoid now everything's double shredded and put in at least two different bins - not that I have anything thieves would want anyway!

 

And the toaster? Well a toaster costs about £4 if you buy a value one and they work fine. If you don't have room on the work surface, then surely it can be kept in a cupboard and taken out when needed? If he's just learning to cook then using a grill really isn't the best place to start - I for instance have less awareness of my body in space and have touched the elements before - not fun. A toaster if much safer and is going to increase his confidence rather than make him afraid to try.

[SimonC]

I can fully understand his "you never let me do anything, you keep me caged,you never teach me anything etc etc." If you have too strict rules he will never learn to behave on his own in the case of privacy. Giving away email adress isn't so dangerous, bank accounts and passwords are much more dangerous. It is important that he learn what is dangerous and not without crisis maximations on all kinds of privacy, since this will give both confusion to what the internet is about if it isn't allowed to share information on it, and you could easy be seen as paranoid.

 

Problems in privacy on internet is not an autistic issue, it is something which affects all social groups. My university has a mandatory 15 lectures course both staff and students has to take on privacy in the digital domain, visualizing the width of the potential group of humans who may have problems here.

[sesley]

my 10 year old is not independant enough to go and speak to people who might want details, in saying that if asked for his address he can say it,so its a warning to us all to be on our guard on who they speak to and what they say.They are very vunerable as you say,because he does not see that there is a sinister and mean side to human beings. At the moment though in school he is getting giggly and they get wound up,thinking he is being naughty and put him in the head teachers office if he does not stop. I know its a sign of anxiety,because he can't express what he is feeling and how. Next week he is going away on a adventure trip with the school,with help,and he did say he was a bit worried about it today. He likes the sleep over at the respite care place,but i think he is a little nervous about this,I wish the school were more understanding of human emotions and how they are expressed and learn how to help the person feeling anxietys without putting giggling down to being unco- operative and naughty.