Living with Asperger's

[indiscreet]

My diagnosis came well after my retirement date. I had spent all my life knowing there was something wrong and feeling depressed and guilty about it but it wasn't until a couple of years ago that I found out from an article in a magazine that women could also suffer from AS. I had to struggle to get a diagnosis at my age but knowing what has been my life-long problem has given me some peace of mind, while the psychiatrist's comment to me that I'd achieved wonders despite my 'handicap' did a great deal for my self-esteem.

 

However, it's made me wonder. When I was growing up people shied away from mental disabilities - in themselves and in other people. Too often the only help was to enter a mental hospital (voluntarily or otherwise) so there was an incentive to cope with problems and keep them hidden. In my case I learned to copy the way other people spoke and acted until it became almost second nature. In other words I became a good actress. I suffered greatly from obsession/compulsion but I never heard it discussed and thought that it was a kind of madness that I would do well to cover up. As a result I was able to limit the amount I did in front of othe people and gradually cut down on what I did in private. It's never left me but the way I am now enables me to live a relatively normal life.

 

I also found it difficult to work but in those days there wasn't an option and I learned - from trial and error - that while I thought that what I wanted was an exciting and demanding job what I was most comfortable with and found least stressful was doing something routine with set hours.

 

What I guess I'm trying to say is that I became my own therapist and I can't help wondering if that wasn't the best way to do it, although knowing what was the matter and that there were others like me would certainly have made life easier and, I think, happier.

[trekster]

My diagnosis came well after my retirement date. I had spent all my life knowing there was something wrong and feeling depressed and guilty about it but it wasn't until a couple of years ago that I found out from an article in a magazine that women could also suffer from AS. I had to struggle to get a diagnosis at my age but knowing what has been my life-long problem has given me some peace of mind, while the psychiatrist's comment to me that I'd achieved wonders despite my 'handicap' did a great deal for my self-esteem.

 

It is unfortunate that somehow someone hadn't reached you earlier but great that you survived. A friend of mine got his diagnosis near to retirement age and it hasn't changed his outlook on life much. He discovered it whilst working at a residential home for those with Aspergers and severe mental health disabilities.

 

However, it's made me wonder. When I was growing up people shied away from mental disabilities - in themselves and in other people. Too often the only help was to enter a mental hospital (voluntarily or otherwise) so there was an incentive to cope with problems and keep them hidden. In my case I learned to copy the way other people spoke and acted until it became almost second nature. In other words I became a good actress. I suffered greatly from obsession/compulsion but I never heard it discussed and thought that it was a kind of madness that I would do well to cover up. As a result I was able to limit the amount I did in front of other people and gradually cut down on what I did in private. It's never left me but the way I am now enables me to live a relatively normal life.

 

Hmm, i dont feel there is such a thing as 'normal'. As for the 'delayed imitation' well done that is a great way to deal with being Aspergers. Im attempting to do things like that as well, i carefully watch people and others reactions and if they are positive try and replicate them in my real life.

 

I also found it difficult to work but in those days there wasn't an option and I learned - from trial and error - that while I thought that what I wanted was an exciting and demanding job what I was most comfortable with and found least stressful was doing something routine with set hours.

 

What I guess I'm trying to say is that I became my own therapist and I can't help wondering if that wasn't the best way to do it, although knowing what was the matter and that there were others like me would certainly have made life easier and, I think, happier.

 

i can see what you are getting at, some folk dont need a diagnosis, others do and to me i needed that diagnosis when Aspergers was 1st heard about instead of when i was too old for conventional social skills programs. Well except socialeyes which i do find beneficial.

[baddad]

 

 

What I guess I'm trying to say is that I became my own therapist and I can't help wondering if that wasn't the best way to do it, although knowing what was the matter and that there were others like me would certainly have made life easier and, I think, happier.

 

Hi indiscreet -

I think, technically, a diagnosis should only be a good thing. The reality is, though, that people respond to getting a diagnosis in different ways, and it is those responses that make the difference good or bad. I don't think that applies just to autism but to disability generally, but I also think there are some notable differences between autism and many other disabilities, and those differences often impact negatively on long-term prospects for autonomy and self management. I don't really know which direction that initially started from (professional's responses influencing parents or vice versa) but I think now it's more often a two-way dialogue, and that will continue as long as autism is seen as unique and therefore a 'good earner' for specialist (and I use that term very loosely!)interventions.

 

L&P

 

BD

[smiley1590]

i was 14 years old when officially diagnosed i found hard difficult to deal with i have complete admiration for people like yourself who officially diagnosed later on on life must been much worse blaming yourself feeling bad guilty lowering self esteem bullying depression must been more confusing lost than for us .... so all credit to you .... like you probbably just think it's me being weird odd strange and start to believe it but get on with it cause have no choice as had no answers to fall back on the mystery questions .... left hanging dandling for that amount years is astoundingly brave and courageous you should be be proud well done you!

 

XKLX

[smiley1590]

i'm not surprised you felt depressed and guilty must felt angry for the amount of years left with no answers must felt frustrated annoyed with your life and always ask WHY certain situations happened and why you felt or thought way you did ....

[indiscreet]

Smiley, thank you so much for what you said in both you posts. I really appreciate your understanding.

[splendid isolation]

That was interesting to read, my diagnosis came late but, not as late as that!