Saying Hi

[through variants we live on]

Hi, spent about the last 15 years of my life analyzing me and people to try and work out what was going on with everything, (luckily i love to look at everything and analyze everything) picked up allot of knowledge over that time, and this year a diagnosis of AS,... luckily all the hard work i put in has left me in a good place in myself, understanding "normal" people and me in context, I can really feel peoples feelings but still haven't got a clue what to do with them,.. don’t have a large friend group, or like meeting people (but don’t feel bad about that), still don’t properly understand some aspects of people and my interaction with them but know how to mitigate these issues.

 

could ramble on, but anyway Hi.

 

adam

[philipo]

You are very much like me Adam ,in subjects and mental outlook.I'm 47 been homeless for 5 months after leaving ex and kids (my choice for 2 years as i was convinced I'd get iller if I stayed)Only sussed my aspies a few months ago )Just trying for the diag with nhs but there ###### and after being a parent /single parent for years I know they should'nt be trusted.Check your medical long term history out.did you have a long history of anxiety/depression ,leg pains and insomnia ,with many periods of withdrawing from people and having the desire to live in the wild?I have a good long think these last few months and a few things are apparent with aspies.People find it conveinient to applaud your skills,even when you have been telling them for years about difficulties with simple things.NORMAl people will just run you into the ground most times with undiagnosed aspies.making the best of your obbsesions for work is a good idea,but only if you are supervised.Aspies are the worlds natural inventors/phyisicists,especially if they have a emphasis on sound/light.I learnt physics and electronics/mechanics due to the ability to visualise the effects of the electrons running down the wire and visual cognition when you turn a cog on an engine and somthing else move I have no teenage /further education.There is also somthing about 'whats hidden' , and how it works,whats beneath the bonnet.There's also a misconception that aspies have one or two core subjects that they are obssesive about,i think that comes from 'normals' who have'nt yet realised that many aspies have loads of subjects that they have an in depth knowledge and one or two subjects would be unusal and may indicate an obssesional state.

 

Keep on it,if you are young then its a great thing to have ,if older then it's great knowing why society/familiy/freinds treated you as a beautifull suspected mad person who is 'gifted' and all that patronising middle class ######. philipo!

[Tally]

Hi Adam, and welcome to the forum.

 

It's really good you have learned to cope so well with social situations, even before knowing you had Asperger's.

 

I don't think that most people (autistic or not) really have a large group of friends. They may have more acquaintances who they enjoy spending time with, but most people do only have a small group of close friends.

[through variants we live on]

Hi, philipo, wow, this is my first attempt to connect with people like me, i have been a member of other forums (pc related), but normally get outcast from the main group for the things i say (or see interest in) not connecting with the group, but i can really connect with what your saying, thanks.

 

Hi, Tally, thanks, interesting what you were saying about friend groups, i'd say your right from what I have seen,. i think it's the dynamics of "normal" peoples relationships that i really still have a problem with though, to me observing it looks (for what of a better description) like a social orgy, people spending great effort maintaining an ego and the ego of people around them in the social ether with no tangible output for the effort, boggles the mind.

[peteo]

I agree with Tally. I have around 150 "friends" on facebook, the majority of which are really just acquaintances I'd enjoy spending time with occasionally, and probably as many again who aren't on facebook. In terms of real "friends".. i.e. those I'd invite to a wedding or house party, the number is nearer 30. "Close" friends.. those who I would make any sacrifice for, discuss intimate personal things with, or who I know would drop anything to help me in the case a massive personal crisis probably number around 5, and I'm very lucky to have that number. There are many people, AS and NT alike, who don't have nearly as many in each category.

 

Adam.. I love the "social orgy" description. My theory (and it is ONLY a theory), is that (almost)all humans, AS and NT alike, have brains which are "hard-wired" to release pleasure chemicals (dopamine, seratonin etc), as a reward for learning something that their subconscious mind feels could be useful for survival in some way. The more we learn, the more pleasure we feel.

 

For some people, it could be the acquisition of technical knowledge, which may allow them to better manipulate the physical world in some way to their advantage. For others, it could be learning more about their peers and social group, in order to better function as a group (safety in numbers etc).

 

For example, groups of people often sit around telling stories/anecdotes of personal experiences. One person may describe a near miss they had in the car. the others listen and learn a little about what caused the near miss, how the person reacted to it, etc, and therefore pick up a little knowledge that may be useful in case such a situation happens to them.

 

Thousands of years ago, groups of men probably sat around telling tales of their fight with a sabre toothed tiger or a wooly mammoth. It's a way of learning how better to survive from others experiences. it's not that they consciously KNOW that's what they're gaining from the discussion... it's just that subconsciously they know it's useful, therefore they derive pleasure from it.

 

Groups of women may sit around discussing people and personal interactions, again so as to learn more about members of their social group, which allows them to operate better within the group, which male is best to breed with etc. Again, useful information for the survival of themselves and their offspring, and therefore pleasurable to learn.

 

These days, in the modern world, it's not so much about survival, but the evolved "dopamine/seratonin release" response is still there, hence the the pleasure of social interaction.

[through variants we live on]

interesting...

 

.