Son not eating lunch at school

[NEV]

Hi, I have a son 9 recently diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome, who will not eat his packed lunch at school, Im at a loss as what to try so would appreciate any ideas?

 

The reason he is giving me is that whereas during the summer the children all eat outside, during the autumn and winter terms they eat in the hall.

This didnt seem to cause such a problem last year, but this year he is complaining about his food getting 'germs' on due to the close proximity of other children.

He first explained that too many children around him were eating yoghurt which makes his feel nauseous, this is a well established fact, it does, but now he is complaining that children talking are 'spitting' when they talk, which then ends up on his food. He said that 'outside, the germs have more space to go, indoors they dont.'

 

I have tried reasoning with him that his food is safe, Ive tried wrapping food individually inside his little box, to 'protect' it, but it is not working. He is an extremely picky eater normally and only has specific lunch items he will eat, now he will not eat these because they cannot be 'protected', he will wait until after school and then eat his entire lunch as soon as we get home.

 

He does suffer with high anxiety, even at home saliva contamination is one, but not to this extent. He did have an incident at infant school 2 years ago where he was forced by a teaching assistant to eat something he felt was 'contaminated' by spit, but despite the stress and upset at the time this didnt raise his anxieties about food, could this be now affecting him after all this time? Im not sure he even remembers the incident.

 

I spoke to the SENCO at the school, who suggested he ask for an end seat on the bench. He will not ask for an end seat as he says it will make no difference as there will be someone opposite him, beside him...he would rather not eat.

 

I dont think going hungry is helping his behaviour at school, he has had two detentions in the past two weeks and poor bahaviour marks. When I spoke to his teacher last week she was finding him hard work.

 

The school SENCO is uninterested, in a phone conversation with her she said he was 'not top on my list of priorities, in fact not on my list at all'.

 

Please any suggestions on how to tackle this paricular anxiety would be greatly appreciated!

[NickyB]

Hello nev

 

I had a similar scenario with my DS, although his anxiety was to do with the noise levels in the dinner hall.

 

I am quite shocked to hear what the SENCO said. He may not be high on her list of priorities, but he is your only priority. The rest of her workload is of no concern to you

 

My DS was given a little table, seperate from the other children, and had a screen around him to help 'block out' the noise. I'm not sure if that would be practical in your son's school?

 

It doesn't seem to be too much to ask - you could point out the effect this is having on the rest of his day. It has to be better, for them as well as him, to keep his anxiety levels as low as possible.

 

School are required to make 'reasonable adjustments' to meet the needs of children with SEN, and although I'm not sure, I don't see why that would not apply to lunchtimes as well as in the classroom.

 

I hope you get it sorted out soon <'>

[Karen A]

Hi.

I think it is reasonable to expect school to make some adjustments as your child has a recognised disability.Provision for SEN does not just include those things that take place in lesson time but should also include unstructured times during the school day.I think you have a clearer case because your child has a packed lunch so you know he is not eating.

 

If your child had a severe allergy that prevented him eating alongside other children then the SENCO would not be able to say he should just miss lunch.

 

I know other schools where children with particular needs can eat lunch in a small room so that might be one option.

My son is in year 8.At his secondary school there is currently an extra year group on site due to building work.He has started having his lunch in the playground where there is more space.Could your son eat his lunch outside if he can cope with that.

 

Karen.

[Suze]

my son was exactly the same ...he eventually was allowed to eat his lunch in his classroom....best of luck suzex

[smiley1590]

has OCD been looked into as seperate official diagnosis at this may be combination of anxiety , A.S and O.C.D together as that thought process of keeping clean but keeping germs dirt away and on nothing you directly touch?

 

XKLX

[Boy]

Perhaps you could speak to his class teacher about it (as she sees his behaviour and will best appreciate how not eating is affecting him at school, and will probably be more inclined to fix this). There is usually someone around a school during luncthtime who could supervise a child (or a few children, perhaps, if they could be spaced out enough that he wouldn't be bothered by germs - perhaps this would help him to overcome this particular OCD problem?) in a classroom, or ways to arrange for him to have some extra space around him at lunch time (unless the hall is always packed out, but ours has quieter moments - for example if his year group all eat at the same time, it might be better for him to go in a little later when the hall has emptied out a bit so that he can sit slightly separately to everyone else). I used to take one boy into a classroom to eat because he was frightened of the dinner hall and he wasn't even statemented (he has no SEN at all, he was just a very easily frightened child who no longer gets worried about things like he did when he was in Reception).

 

Obviously the underlying cause of him not eating needs to be addressed, but meanwhile he should still be able to eat his lunch at an appropriate time.

[Sammysnake]

I completely agree with Boy. In the school where I work the SENCo oversees paperwork and referrals, liaising with outside agencies etc but has no time to spend with individual children. It's the class teachers who know the kids so have a chat with them. It should be very simple to find a way to make eating lunch easier for your son - going into the hall a little earlier so it's quieter and he can eat with one or two friends before everyone else comes in or staying a little later at the end for the same reason, having a separate table with fewer children spaced out much more widely, eating in the classroom etc. Maybe a small club could be formed with those children allowed to eat together in a classroom whilst undertaking a fun activity. My girl goes to a chess club one lunchtime and the kids involved eat their lunch whilst they play - could take some of the focus off the food and therefore reduce his anxieties. Lots of this type of lunchtime club run in our school - choir, maths club, running club (eat before running!) etc.

[lindy2017]

Hi, I have a son 9 recently diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome, who will not eat his packed lunch at school, Im at a loss as what to try so would appreciate any ideas?

 

The reason he is giving me is that whereas during the summer the children all eat outside, during the autumn and winter terms they eat in the hall.

This didnt seem to cause such a problem last year, but this year he is complaining about his food getting 'germs' on due to the close proximity of other children.

He first explained that too many children around him were eating yoghurt which makes his feel nauseous, this is a well established fact, it does, but now he is complaining that children talking are 'spitting' when they talk, which then ends up on his food. He said that 'outside, the germs have more space to go, indoors they dont.'

 

I have tried reasoning with him that his food is safe, Ive tried wrapping food individually inside his little box, to 'protect' it, but it is not working. He is an extremely picky eater normally and only has specific lunch items he will eat, now he will not eat these because they cannot be 'protected', he will wait until after school and then eat his entire lunch as soon as we get home.

 

He does suffer with high anxiety, even at home saliva contamination is one, but not to this extent. He did have an incident at infant school 2 years ago where he was forced by a teaching assistant to eat something he felt was 'contaminated' by spit, but despite the stress and upset at the time this didnt raise his anxieties about food, could this be now affecting him after all this time? Im not sure he even remembers the incident.

 

I spoke to the SENCO at the school, who suggested he ask for an end seat on the bench. He will not ask for an end seat as he says it will make no difference as there will be someone opposite him, beside him...he would rather not eat.

 

I dont think going hungry is helping his behaviour at school, he has had two detentions in the past two weeks and poor bahaviour marks. When I spoke to his teacher last week she was finding him hard work.

 

The school SENCO is uninterested, in a phone conversation with her she said he was 'not top on my list of priorities, in fact not on my list at all'.

 

Please any suggestions on how to tackle this paricular anxiety would be greatly appreciated!

Hi, I know how you feel my son was the same hes at home now has tutor but when he was in primary school he didnt like sitting beside the other children so they moved him to the school to ahve lunch away from the noise but eventually i brought him home for lunch ....he is fussy with food doesnt liek it touching on plate ....loves something then goes off it if he had a bad experience if the food didnt look right.....lindy

[NEV]

Thank you all so much for your responses, i took them all on board and spoke to the other SENCO at the school with your suggestions.

She observed him during lunch and has spoken to him about what is upsetting him. She noted that he does seem to have a problem and is going to work with him to help him, she is going to keep an eye on the situation.

To be honest, I dont want him seperated at lunchtime because he already has a feeling of being 'different' and has low self esteem, I worry that by segregating him, however much it helps in the short term, will only make him become more isolated in the long term.

 

The SENCO i spoke to first is head of special needs and yes, as has been suggested, she doesnt really know my son, only what is in his file, she tends to see him as a child with 'behavioural problems' rather than a child wih any particular needs. Frustrating, but unfortunately one of the problems with attending a large state primary I think.

 

I am going to look at getting his ocd looked at seperately, we havent yet addressed individual issues, it has been a struggle to get as far as we have with our MH services stretched to their limits and feel we are still at he start of helping him.

 

Thank you again, you were all extrememly helpful and I feel there has been real progress here.