Boy

My grandad lived in Croydon until quite recently. Now he lives in a residential home.

I thought the same - I've only seen autism dogs being used for children with autism and physically disabled people. If anyone does find anything about dogs for high functioning adults I'd be interested in a link.

When I was going through my angry teen phase and getting annoyed at nothing, I found it would worsen if people drew attention to it. As long as he's not actually bothering anyone else while he's stewing he might be best left ignored. The less of a deal you make of it the less of a deal it'll seem to him, maybe? If he doesn't already, it might be worth finding out if he wants to take up something that might help him to vent the anger. A sport, or an instrument... If there is any embarrassment over feeling like he's growing up but he's not ready, as Mumble said, remind him that physically maturing has nothing to do with your general maturity. And although he might like to keep some things a secret (if there are cartoons he watches that he's worried about other people mocking, for example), remind him that there's lots of people who actually find all things childish cool! I have Thomas the Tank Engine bedsheets and dinosaur shape cutters for my sandwiches, and that's seen as quite cool from a lot of people I know (because, secretly, they'd all like to never grow up, really - having said that they're all Ramomes fans, too, and if the Ramones don't wanna grow up then who are they to argue? Cool song for anyone who feels like that, though. I think of it as one of my theme songs!). I did notice that a lot of boys who had older brothers seemed to cope better with 'growing up' because they'd copy their brothers (one of my cousins was styling his hair and wearing aftershave before he hit puberty).

I have difficulty with communication and emotions which can mean that lots of experiences/emotions result in anger, and I admit that I can be abusive. Everyone else is right - it's not acceptable, because no one should be on the receiving end of abuse. However, self-control is a very difficult thing, and so anger has to be managed, and that can require the support of other people. BUT for someone to manage their anger, they have to be willing to try in the first place (because ultimately it can't be managed at all unless you want to manage it, and then it is still hard work!). If he's willing to try, then perhaps you could come up with rules and coping strategies for the things that agitate him, so that it can be prevented from escalating into abusive behaviour (not rules that allow him to control the household, though, they could be rules that he has to abide by, rather than everyone else). I also tend to have difficulty with the concept of intent, and when something happens I will automatically assume that if something has annoyed me that was the intent. So being reminded that someone else's behaviour wasn't intentional can help. I can't speak for your husband, but it could be true for him, too? It's also a huge change to go from living with no children to living with three, and I'm not excusing his behaviour but trying to add a different perspective. High functioning or not, it's a lot for someone with autism to cope with. He needs to understand that he needs to find coping strategies for himself, rather than trying to control you or the children. An added difficulty is that children will be children, and teens will be teens, so getting an entire household to be quiet is unrealistic, perhaps (let alone expecting everyone to abide by unrealistic rules, such as their eating speed!). However, maybe if there was designated 'quiet time' it might help? Or somewhere your husband can escape to if it becomes overwhelming. As someone with hypersensitive hearing, noise is one of the worst triggers for me, because it hurts and it exhausts me, which means it's even harder to keep control. Would your husband wear earplugs/headphones to help shut out the noise? If your husband is willing to address it, some professional help would probably be worth seeking, perhaps even including the whole family so he can get a better idea of how he's affecting everyone. It might not be the same for him, but when I have blown up I'll quickly get over it and return to 'normal' while other people are still upset about the argument or something I've said. It's important that I'm reminded how my behaviour has affected someone else, as it's not fair on the other person that they should be left with all the upset when I've caused it. I really appreciate it when people understand my anger, and that can in itself help me sometimes. The difference is the anger and abuse, though, because if I'm being abusive there is no excuse for that. I might deserve some understanding for being angry about something, but I wouldn't deserve understanding for taking that out on someone else - they're two separate things, even if they're linked. Also, I'm not suggesting that it's your responsibility to manage your husbands behaviour, as it is our own responsibility to try to be better people, but it can require some support (even if it's outside support rather than yours). One of the hardest things can be realising that you're being horrible and that making you angrier... Learning not to project your self-anger at other people is important. If he isn't willing then you should leave him. Tbh, even if he is willing to work on it, perhaps it would be beneficial for him to move out (if at all possible), and to gradually build up time living with you and the kids again (seeking help at the same time, of course).

I think that you must always have had it but no one's picked up on it. The only people I know with Hypermobility Syndrome aren't autistic, and they all have it to varying degrees (one spending lots of time in hospital related to it, for example but I'm not sure if it's progressive or has always been that bad as I'm not close enough to her to ask her about it).

I have a collection of cartoons on video and DVD. A lot of what I enjoy watching is viewed by others as quite 'childish' but I find it comforting and also I tend to find that a lot of cartoons have repetition in them (theme song, one-liners, etc.) and I like repetition. It took me a long time to start to enjoy watching 'real-life' programmes, but I do like quite a few of those, now, too, and films that are more adult. But my favourites are always the comforting ones. They're also a lot easier to understand, or require less deep understanding (whereas more adult programmes can need some explaining if there's a close up of someone's facial expression, but I don't know what it means or why it's important, for example).

I dislike the term 'mild autism', and prefer just to stick with 'high functioning autism' if people want specifics, or can't quite grasp the fact that autism doesn't mean 'Rain Man'. It also think that using terms that can 'play down' a condition (mild seems to do that, in my opinion, moreso than 'high functioning') can make people with little to no knowledge of autism even more ignorant. For example, I've known people to have the opinion that autism means you're retarded, whilst Asperger's means you're a genius. Both of these opinions are false, of course, and so instead of having people think that Asperger's is 'mild autism' characterised by genius eccentricity, I'd rather they realised that those with Asperger's/HFA actually have (or potentially can have, as we're all different) the exact same problems as those with classic autism, even if it's not always as noticeable. I also think that sometimes people who are higher functioning almost seem to want to apologise for people for having the same diagnosis as people who are 'more disabled', and it's almost like we're saying, "I'm autistic... Oops, sorry! I can talk, and stuff, can't I? I meant that I'm MILDLY autistic. Silly me." And mild compared to what? If we could all literally be placed on a line (in a 'spectrum of severity') we'd only be mild compared to those a lot further left than us. We'd not be mild compared to any who are directly to the left, or any of those to the right of us... With high functioning I think that that explains that there are lots of things I can do that perhaps other autistic people can't do, without making it sound like I have no difficulties. Whereas with 'mild' I think that the problem is, even for someone whose problems are mild-as-far-as-autism-goes, their autism related problems won't be mild compared to someone who doesn't have autism.

I had no problems with ESA.

Thanks for linking this, I think I'll register.

It might turn out quite easy to promote, because you could use online but also by being in the shop once a week you can also promote somewhat in person (not hard sell but just through talking to people or people seeing you at work and liking what you're doing) or through your contacts recommending you. And on top of that, the people you tattoo will spread the word, too. I think word of mouth can be quite powerful, and if your clients are letting everyone know where to find your portfolio online it could generate a lot of interest. Whilst in the shop you could be booking appointments for at your home (and that might be brilliant for some people if they're working and would rather come after work, for example). If you're keeping up your current work you don't have much to lose. I think it would be well worth giving it a go. It sounds a great oppurtunity.

Sorry for double posts, but other thoughts (hopefully being able to consider lots of different things will help you decide what you want to do)... Bearing in mind I'm only going by your posts, so I don't mean any offence if I say something that's inaccurate to your situation (for example, you said you are good at replication, which might not mean that you can't draw up custom tattoos yourself but I'm answering 'just in case'). Replication isn't really enough to be a serious tattoo artist. Lots of people want custom work, so you have to be good at all manners of art to be able to meet demand. There'll be costs as well as income, so you have to be able to work out if it's worth it and your costs will be covered with enough profit for it to be a plausible profession. And, working from home, you'll have to do your own taxes or pay someone else to. Working from home would benefit you in the sense that you're in a familliar environment and could perhaps discriminate over who you agree to tattoo and thus have in your house... But that could also potentially cause problems if you are uncomfortable having to sit with someone for hours at a time tattooing them, or have people hanging around to chat afterwards when you'd rather they leave (or having people turn up early when you're not fully prepared). You could just tell them you need/want them to leave, of course, as it's your house, but if you did get a reputation as having a poor reputation you could put people off coming to you. So it might actually be more difficult for you doing a job that requires your clients spending time in your house, potentially using your glasses or using your bathroom if they need to use the toilet or need a drink of water (and assuming someone could potentially become unwell whilst being tattooed, having to deal with someone who is moaning and in pain or throwing up or passing out). And if you are turning away lots of people because you wouldn't feel comfortable having them in your house, this could affect your reputation/amount of work you end up doing. If you're good with phones and stuff then you'd be okay with people contacting you, but it might get annoying if you did have lots of people calling to speak to you, and also having people possibly wasting your time if you have no way of asking them for a deposit (because people would have to come to your house to pay a deposit). So you could find that people get you to draw things up for them, or book your time, but then don't show up (whereas with a deposit at least you get something for your time even if they don't show, and they're more likely to stick to the plan if they've already paid towards it). So it might be a good idea to work out how you would approach all the different elements and see if you think it's doable. Good luck with it. If it's something you'd really like to do I hope you can make it possible.

This is obviously only my own experience/opinion on the subject... Most tattooists I know look down on people who tattoo from home without having had training. There's a negative stigma attached to it. I've known people to tattoo from home, without formal training, and although they did improve with practise, a lot of their initial work was quite poor. This doesn't, of course, necessarily apply to you. I also know people who have used poor professional tattooists, who work from shops but don't appear to know basic 'rules' of tattooing, so their work looks poor. So working in a shop obviously isn't the be all and end all. Which beings me to... If you have an oppurtunity to train with someone, and build up a decent reputation/professional contacts (which I feel would be easier to do if you at least have some respected contacts at shops) then you'd have more chance of making a good go of it (anyone can get a machine off ebay and tattoo people, so you need to be able to make sure you're seen as the real deal). So that's a good oppurtunity there. So in your situation you have the positives of being able to train in a shop before working from home, which would mean you could build up a decent portfolio, too. Obviously the negatives would be that unless you can somehow network (which might not be too difficult, as there's always online, and perhaps your contact would even recommend you or help to advertise for you, or might even employ you and allow you to work from home (not sure how most people would feel about this, but if he knows your reasons behind it and trusts your hygiene, etc. then he might be cool with it) you might find it hard to find clients. My friend tattooed from home and because she had no training I refused to let her tattoo me, and chose to find someone who works in a shop I like, and favours a style I like. She eventually gave up altogether because she couldn't get enough clients to turn it into fulltime work, so it wasn't worth doing. Her clients were all friends and friends-of-friends, and people who weren't particularly into tattoo art itself, but just wanted a tattoo (so the tattoos tended to be one offs and there were no larger pieces, and that sort of work would obviously fill up more of your time and pay more money). So having some contacts will do you a lot of favours in that regard, and get you taken more seriously as a tattooist. Also, if you have a preferred style, you ideally want to appeal to people who'll want tattoos in that style, whereas if you hated tribal but only had people asking you for tribal it could get very boring. With a portfolio, your work will also speak for itself anyway. But I think the oppurtunity to do some training and build that up will also be a big help if you decide to pursue it. As mentioned, my friend has done some amazing tattoos but I wouldn't have trusted her to tattoo me because I'd also seen the poorer earlier work and had no proof that general quality would be of a good standard.

I'm not sure if you mentioned this anywhere, but are you a trained tattoo artist?

If the contract is in your name, and the deal was that if they couldn't pay they would return the phone to you, could that count as some kind of theft? Because they're smashed up your property in a way? I'm not sure whether that would hold up with you having given the phone to them, but it might be worth finding out if there's anything you can do? I'd also think that any mutual friends would take your side in this matter. No one would offer to PAY someone else's phonebill, and smashing up the phone is just spiteful (makes me wonder whether they have smashed it up, though, or whether they are planning on continuing to use it with you picking up the bill?).

I think that being able to be by yourself at xmas is fine. People put so much emphasis on family celebrations, but they're not for everyone. We rarely have family over on xmas, so for me it seems more normal to just keep xmas quiet, and if I had people over I'd rather be able to remove myself (which I did today). It's not something you necessarily have to face every single year, same as any person might choose not to go to every family party or wedding that happens. So if he was happy to be away by himself for most of the day then I don't see a problem with it. He joined everyone for lunch, and I think that bit of shared time is good enough.