oxgirl Report post Posted January 6, 2011 Well, after 17 years of caring for Jay full-time, I have finally got a job!! I start on 17th January and I'm so very scared! The worst part is feeling like I'm abandoning Jay. I'm so worried about how he'll cope during holidays. I probably won't get home until 3.30 p.m. and it's a long time for him to be on his own. His independence is limited and he won't have anywhere to go and will probably spend the day just waiting for me to get home. At the same time I need this so much for myself. Since he's started at college I spend 8 hours alone feeling bored and miserable. Being at home with him for so long has isolated me too and I've lost so much confidence in myself, I really need to get back out there and start experiencing life again. Just wish he was more ready. ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mishmash Report post Posted January 6, 2011 Oh well done!! It is a very big step fro you - it will be great! Just take things one day at a time and work it from there, don't try and predict what will happen (sometimes doing that can become a self-fulfilling prophecy!). If after a while Jay does find it hard, try and pre-plan stuff for him to do while you are out? anyway, well done and good luck! Mishmash x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tally Report post Posted January 6, 2011 Good luck for 17th January!!! It sounds like you really need to do this and it will be so good for you. I know that I have often learned the most when I've been forced to. Perhaps Jay will surprise you when he is forced to cope home alone in the holidays. You will have been there a month by half term, so maybe by that time you will be in a position to ask for some extra breaks the first day he is home alone so you can phone him a couple of times and see how he is. I don't know what he's into, but some craft kits, books, magazines and DVDs might help keep him amused while you're out. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RainbowsButterflies Report post Posted January 6, 2011 Good luck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted January 6, 2011 Ooh - good luck! As Tally said, Jay may surprise you - in a good way. Even if it takes a little while for you to to ease in at the beginning, this job will hopefully be such a boost to your confidence and wellbeing you may find you enjoy the time you spend with him so much more. New year - new start: go for it! K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted January 17, 2011 Well, I was supposed to be starting my new job today. On Thursday I got a call at 4.00 p.m. to say that they're having trouble getting funding for the post and getting the contract signed off. They said it will be another week or maybe two or that maybe it won't happen at all. I feel so incredibly let down. They were supposed to call me today to give me an update but didn't. I feel like I've waited so long for this, it took me two years to get this job and now they might be pulling the rug from beneath me before I've even started. Goodness knows when anyone will give me a chance again, I wasn't even their first choice, the original successful applicant had to pull out before they offered it on to me. I'm so down, I feel like I'm right back on the scrapheap where I belong. I've spent the day hoovering and cleaning toilets, it's about all I'm good for it seems. ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted January 17, 2011 Oh Mel Don't feel like that about yourself <'> Would it make you feel more in control if you rang them to find out what's going on? If this job doesn't work out it will only be because the right job for you is just around the corner!! Hang in there <'> Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted January 17, 2011 I was going to ring them but couldn't face it. Part of me doesn't want to hear it and if they have any news they'll supposedly let me know. It could go on for two weeks and I can't be sitting by the phone non-stop waiting or phoning them every day for updates, I have to get on with my day. If this job doesn't work out it will only be because the right job for you is just around the corner!! Trouble is I just know that isn't true. It took me two years to get this job offer, the next offer could be years away or not come at all, I have to be realistic. I wasn't first choice this time round, no-one is going to choose me over someone with current experience. I haven't worked for 17 years. I just feel like giving up. ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted January 17, 2011 Well there's a setback, but don't put yourself down because of it. <'> The problem is with the funding, not with you - a valid reason in these difficult times -and the job may still happen. Point is, you did get the job and they wouldn't have given it to you if they thought you'd be really awful at it. I wasn't first choice for two recent jobs - I don't think I perform well enough at interviews to be that. However I ended up getting the jobs in the end. The first one I think I really was the last resort (becasue someone didn't turn up on the day!) but I think I can safely say that once in the job I proved what I could do and made them glad they took me. One day you'll get the chance to do that - in this job or another one. I hope they let you know soon so you canplan where to go from here - it's not right to keep you in limbo. K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted March 2, 2011 UPDATE Well, I was supposed to start this new job in January. I've waited....and waited....and waited, and finally today I've been told the contract has arrived and HR will soon be in touch to arrange a start date with me! I should be so happy and relieved but I'm so worn down by it I just feel I can't face it anymore. It's so much easier and safer to sit in my house on my own, it's what I'm used to, and to get out there into a situation where I'll be forced to talk to people and meet standards, etc., it just feels like too much. I feel even less confident now than I did before I was offered the job, all the waiting and being messed about has taken all the joy and excitement out of it and now I'm just exhausted by the idea. Still waiting to get a firm start date, but, all being well, I should start in a couple of weeks. I'm not sure I can cope. ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted March 2, 2011 Of course you can do it, Mel!! Look at everything you have fought for and achieved for your son over the years...if you can do all that, you can do this job Take a deep breath, go and treat yourself to some new clothes for your new job, even if it's only a couple of tops Of course it will be scary, but you can do it and you will feel so pleased with yourself when you do! Congratulations!! Bid <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted March 3, 2011 Thanks Bid. They've asked me to start on 14th March. I'm just feeling so guilty at the moment, I feel like I'm being selfish and that I'm neglecting Jay. I don't know what will happen during the summer hols, Jay relies on me to take him here and there, he has no-one else to go with and I feel so bad about the thought of him sitting at home on his own for three days a week doing nothing and seeing no-one because I'm not there to take him places. ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted March 3, 2011 (edited) You won't be neglecting Jay...look at the fantastic role model you'll be for him! It would be more unrealistic for him to think that you are going to spend the rest of your life at home looking after him...that wouldn't help either of you in the long run. Come the summer, I wonder if there might be any courses or day schools in something that he is really into, like film-making or computer animation (that's what would have appealed to my DS, for example) that you could research? If there are, maybe it's something that you could start working on with him, introducing the idea over time with plenty of reassurance, etc. Just a thought... Enjoy your moment of triumph! You have got a job in a difficult economic climate, after a long career-break...you are awesome!! Bid <'> Edited March 3, 2011 by bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tally Report post Posted March 3, 2011 Congratulations Mel! The delay has been nothing to do with your competence and does not reflect on you in any way. You may be out at work 3 days per week, but you will be home with Jay the other 4, and also after work. That is not neglect. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted March 3, 2011 (edited) I had another thought about Jay and the summer...don't know if it might be helpful. If he would find it too difficult to leave the house without you to access any summer courses, etc, what about thinking of some projects that he could be busy with at home? I'm not sure of his interests, but if you could tap into them perhaps you could think of a project or projects to help give structure to the days you are at work? Something like a short animated film, if he's into that sort of thing, or something connected with computers and music? Or if he's more outdoorsy, maybe something in the garden, either growing stuff or setting up a pond perhaps?? I'm not under-estimating your concerns about the summer, but maybe taking postive steps to occupy him will help you both feel more confident? And for you: time before March 14th to get a lovely new hair-do, some fab new shoes and anything else to make you feel really good about yourself, because you sooo deserve it! Bid <'> Edited March 3, 2011 by bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted March 3, 2011 Thanks a lot for the ideas, Bid, really kind of you. <'> It's really difficult at the moment, as Jay is so lacking in motivation. There won't be anything he can go and get involved in that's local enough for him to walk to and he's not independent enough to travel on his own yet and I wouldn't be available to drive him anywhere and there isn't anyone else who can take him. He does still enjoy his pond, so would spend some time in the garden staring into that, I'm sure. I could think about trying to get him into doing a bit of gardening or something, but he'll probably just end up sitting on the computer or reading and generally being bored and lonely. I'd like to get him working in a charity shop or something but he isn't keen on that idea at the moment. We'll see though. I need to just start and see how it goes for me and worry about the summer near the time ....... mind you, it's creeping nearer so quickly! ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
