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Tally

Neighbour asking strange questions

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Tally   

Every time I see my neighbour she asks me a lot of questions about my job and makes comments on my house and car. Today I got back from the supermarket and she was leaning out of her bedroom window and started asking me whether I just operate the machines or am I the manager (she still thinks I work in the dry cleaners, I have not spoken her since I got my new job until today), what days do I work. I think she was trying to establish how much money I earn.

 

She was asking when I am having my conservatory . . . I don't know where that came from, I am not getting a conservatory.

 

Then she started saying things like, "you're doing well for yourself, that's a nice car, how did you afford that?" I just got a new one after I wrote mine off and it's still quite shiny. I didn't really know what to say so I just mumbled something or other and went inside.

 

When I renewed my DLA I never got a letter from them. They said they sent one, and agreed to send another copy. It wasn't the detailed copy I got though, just one side of A4. It was straight after this the questions started. The letter I had last time went into a lot of detail about exactly what grounds I am entitled to DLA. So I'm terrified this more detailed letter got posted to the wrong house. (I'm always getting post for the wrong house number.) And that might be why she wants to know so much about my job and how I can afford things. I'm terrified she might phone up the DLA people and make up stuff about me to make it look like I made a fraudulent claim.

 

I know I'm being paranoid, but isn't it weird to lean out of your bedroom window to ask your neighbours questions about their finances?

 

It's this woman's children who run away every time I go out of the front door too.

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Kathryn   

No you're not being paranoid - it's absolutely none of her business, nosy so and so.

 

Aim for avoidance tactics: work out when she's most likely to accost you and ensure that you're always having an animated conversation on your mobile at the time!

 

K x

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Beth_   

I would find that troubling too. I had a really nosey neighbour when I lived in Taunton and he was always questionning me and making judgements. In the end I think he was harmless but lonely so spied on everyone else in the area but it did make me feel on edge whenever I saw him.

 

When my DLA was renewed I didn't get a detailed letter, just a one page summary..

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Tally   
When my DLA was renewed I didn't get a detailed letter, just a one page summary..

When was that?

 

I got a letter at least 2 pages long the first time I applied about 2 and a half years ago now with details about things I'd put in my claim. The "copy" they sent me back in August last year was just one page saying what level for care and mobility and the cash amounts. If that's all she's seen then it wouldn't be so bad, although I 's prefer it if she didn't know about the DLA at all. But if they still send out the longer letter like I had last time, then I don't even know what's in it because it didn't get to my house.

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It might be best to perhaps phone the helpline, and ask if it is normal to send out a one page renewal letter - they have records of every letter sent to claimants so may be able to tell you what they sent out?

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dana   

Hi Tally,

 

If you got one page for DLA renewal where they state the amount you will get- this could be all they needed to send. If there is more they wouldn't send two letters about it. So, probably nobody else received your letter, not even your nosy neighbour. I wouldn't worry about that too much.

 

You do not have to answer her questions, make yourself busy when she is around and try not to give her any attention when she does that. Your life is not her business!

 

Danaxx

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Beth_   

When was that?

 

I got a letter at least 2 pages long the first time I applied about 2 and a half years ago now with details about things I'd put in my claim. The "copy" they sent me back in August last year was just one page saying what level for care and mobility and the cash amounts. If that's all she's seen then it wouldn't be so bad, although I 's prefer it if she didn't know about the DLA at all. But if they still send out the longer letter like I had last time, then I don't even know what's in it because it didn't get to my house.

Last year I think. There was a lot less paperwork that the first time.

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justine1   

I would be worried too,I have just been a victim of fraud.Someone brought car insurance,nearly £400,on my debit card.I do not even have a car!!! So I would check with the DLA if they have all your details and speak to the post office about the fact the post may be going to the wrong house number.

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Tally   

The DLA did not send two standard letters. I did not receive a letter, but was receiving payments. I phoned them to ask about it and they said they'd sent a letter 2 months ago and that they would send me another copy. So I don't know where the first letter ended up, maybe they didn't even send it out, but maybe it did accidentally end up in my neighbour's house. The copy was just one side of A4, which was why I thought the previous letter may have been more detailed, but it sounds like that's all they send out now. So even if she did read the letter she won't have too much personal information about my disability.

 

This morning she leaned out of the window to ask when I was having my new bathroom fitted. I couldn't work out how she knew I wanted a new bathroom because I don't think I've even mentioned it to my parents yet. Then I worked it out. Earlier this morning a van from a plumbing/heating/bathroom fitting company was parked outside my house. In actual fact they were fixing my toilet because it wasn't flushing. Yes, it's a luxury not to have to flush with a bucket of water any more, but not really a frivulous one.

 

I think I've worked out where the conservatory question came from now. A few weeks ago I had a broken door replaced by a company that do windows, doors and conservatories.

 

Why would you assume that every workman is doing the most expensive job possible? This terrace of houses is old and stuff breaks. The same must happen in her house too.

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baddad   

Hi Tally -

 

obviously it's difficult to guess her motivations from so little, but maybe she's just a bit nosey + a little bit socially inept and these are her 'overtures' to being friendly?

I think it's best to just politely correct any assumptions she makes that are wide of the mark, and perhaps use those to be a little bit more conversational. I'm not suggesting full-on BFF stuff or anything like that - in fact in a new house with a new neighbour who is definitely a bit of a curtain twitcher I think softly softly is a must - but perhaps enough so you could reach a point where you could jokingly mention her children running ;) away and 'break the ice'. If the kids are running away because their overhearing 'goss' or attitudes from mum that are less than friendly you may get a heads up from her response to be wary in future, and if she seems genuinely to laugh it off etc you may find it reassuring.

 

Hope that's helpful

 

L&P

 

BD :D

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mark2   

This is an old thread I know but its a common and most unfair source of anxiety the feeling that anyone can dial a fraud line and be a nuisance to you. Sadly Ive had this but the situation can be fairer than you'd tend to think in your vulnerability. Six years ago everyone around here was a savage cutthroat property developer (you have to laugh really? :)) but one thought hed get some property advangtage by making up a story and around came the dreaded investigators... and, blow me, they were as good as gold. It took them about two minutes to see it was malice...and whats more they told me what houese it was!!! (and why not, they dont have to take being monkeyed around with?!)

So...since then I have this demarcation as it were. Anyone can phone anyone. Its their right and Im not even going to think about it....because the people who pick up thosecalls are not idiots and they owe you a legal duty of care and know they do.

So all that unknown 'stuff of nightmares' is a set-piece/a black box/'no need to go there' thing? ...which is a useful concept when youre a bit depressed?

But everything else IS your business and you go at it from small beginings with a charm offensive...as has been said. Its not brilliant maybde but being nice to people is better than... a kick in the teeth?

 

 

 

Mark

PS Salisbury Hill???...would that be Little Solsbury Hill?...eagle etc and all that nonsense?

Edited by mark2

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Tally   

I've actually hardly seen her lately. If she were going to report me I'd imagine she'd have done it by now. I don't really look disabled and I work (I wear a uniform so it would be obvious I'm going to work when I go out in it), so it would be understandable if she thought I was a malingerer.

 

I don't really know any of my neighbours but sometimes I say hello to the couple right nextdoor and they told me their names. She knocked on my door one morning because the dog had pushed the door shut behind her and locked her out in her pyjamas and bare feet and I let her in to phone her husband to let her back in. They are the ones I know best but even they I would not say are friends. I haven't told any of my neighbours I am disabled so the only way they could ever know would be if a DLA letter had gone astray.

 

The nosey woman lives 3 doors down and she did come and chat to me on the day I was moving in. She saw me with the cat carrier and she has 2 cats and we chatted for a minute about our cats. She said it was very quiet around here and I said, "oh good," and she looked relieved. I think she might have been worried because I am quite young and she might have thought I would be having wild parties. She did seem friendly that day, but ever since she has just been quite weird.

 

She did come out and talk to my dad the other day when he was mowing my lawn. When I came out she just said bye to my dad and went back in her house. My dad said she just asked him who he was and what he was doing. But it was a kind of weird situation as my dad had driven round to mow my lawn and he brought his strimmer in the boot. She must have thought I had the poshest gardner ever who keeps his work tools in a sports car :lol:

 

So I think she's just nosey and a bit socially inept. And she probably hasn't had my DLA letter either, but I still have a sneaking suspicion on that one.

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