claire xx Report post Posted January 20, 2011 hi my son was diagnosed 7 weeks ago with aspergers and ADHD, i used to work with aspergers children so recognised all the signs, but when it was officially diagnosed it has really shook me i feel like ill never stop crying, i thinkit would help if i knew other parents took the news badly too i feel everyone i meet has accepted it and dont feel sad at all! wish i could be more like them, dont get me wrong i wouldnt change my son for the world he is perfect and i love him! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted January 20, 2011 (edited) Welcome to the forum Claire <'> It's a very funny old time around diagnosis, full of conflicting emotions: relief that someone has recognised your concerns and grief for the child you 'thought' you had. When my son was diagnosed I just wanted him to be a new baby again so that I could wrap him up and keep him safe. It is very well-documented that parents of children with special needs do go through a form of grieving, with quite distinct phases: sorrow, denial, anger, acceptance. You will probably find that you move between theses states as time goes on, depending on what is happening with your son, but I can honestly promise you that eventually you will increasingly feel acceptance and peace. For many, many years I would find myself with tears running down my face just as I walked along the street, but that did pass. Be very gentle with yourself and your family at this time...you all need plenty of time to feel the way you do. There is no 'right' way to feel: your responses are entirely personal and valid. Bid <'> Edited January 20, 2011 by bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sally44 Report post Posted January 20, 2011 (edited) Everyone is different, so your reaction is perfectly normal for you. My son was diagnosed in 2006 and I felt a mixture of relief that my concerns had finally been recognised, but also grief for the life I had assumed he would have, and due to the diagnosis may not have. I also have an older sister with difficulties, some of which may mean she is on the autistic spectrum. So I has aware of not only the immediate primary school issues we were having, but everything that would probably become an issue right up and into adult hood. It took me a long time - probably over a year - before I started to feel better in myself. Obviously throughout the process my son had remained the same. What I found had to change was my assumptions and expectations. I would liken it to a merry-go-round of emotions that you can suddenly find yourself hopping on and off of. So the slightest thing can cause you to have a sudden realisation and sob uncontrollably in fetal position. Then soon afterwards you can be laughing again. So I would recommend that you let the emotions out primal screaming style if you need to. But also make sure that you make time for yourself and do things that you enjoy and make you laugh. Try to find a local support group or NAS group in your area. You will find it helpful to meet other parents in a similar position. For example I was getting exhasberated with my sons continual collection of bits of pottery and bottle tops that he finds in the streets. I went to an NAS meeting and many parents had the same thing. One child collected any empty crisp packets he found which apparently stopped when he turned 14 as he recognised that other children were not doing this! Use his interests to get his attention or teach skills. Oh - and welcome! Edited January 20, 2011 by Sally44 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
claire xx Report post Posted January 20, 2011 thanks, its nice to know im not the only one crying in the street! i just want him to be happy and do well, but feel i have dont know how to achieve this loving him and caring for him doesnt feel enough sometimes, Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mishmash Report post Posted January 20, 2011 I do know exactly how you feel - am pretty much doing the same thing today is worse than yesterday and tomorrow will be better. You just have to take it a day at a time and deal with whatever is happening in the moment. Good luck! I join a supporet group yesterday, and like you found it such a relief! Bug hugs, good luck and know you're not on your own. <'> Mishmash Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justine1 Report post Posted January 20, 2011 Welcome to the forum Claire <'> It's a very funny old time around diagnosis, full of conflicting emotions: relief that someone has recognised your concerns and grief for the child you 'thought' you had. When my son was diagnosed I just wanted him to be a new baby again so that I could wrap him up and keep him safe. It is very well-documented that parents of children with special needs do go through a form of grieving, with quite distinct phases: sorrow, denial, anger, acceptance. You will probably find that you move between theses states as time goes on, depending on what is happening with your son, but I can honestly promise you that eventually you will increasingly feel acceptance and peace. For many, many years I would find myself with tears running down my face just as I walked along the street, but that did pass. Be very gentle with yourself and your family at this time...you all need plenty of time to feel the way you do. There is no 'right' way to feel: your responses are entirely personal and valid. Bid <'> Welcome to the group <'> I agree with everything Bid has said.I have two on the spectrum and felt differently with both their diagnoses.With Sam(7),diagnosed December 2009,i definatley felt relieved he was having so much trouble at school and just wanted him to get help.However,I have gone through moments where I have doubted my parenting,and cried all night,at the moment I am going through stage of denial. With Dan (nearly 5) I knew he had ASD after I got Sams dx but wanted so much for them to tell me otherwise,so it was sooooo hard when I got the full report Dan lives with their dad as he is happier there,so I suppose I dont think to much about his dx,dont know if that is a bad or good thing When he does come here I am just so busy spending time with him so I cant dwell on his ASD. So I fully understand your feelings,wishing you all the best <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
claire xx Report post Posted January 23, 2011 i have had a hard couple of days i feel very depressed at the moment im going to the doc tomorrow need something to help me im no good to my some like this, just wish i didnt feel so alone Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sally44 Report post Posted January 23, 2011 I found it very helpful to join a local parent support group. Ask the Parent Partnership if they know of any local ones - also contact the National Autistic Society as they have local groups too. Also ask the NAS about "Help" programmes for parents of newly diagnosed children. I went to those and they were very helpful in giving me advice that no-one else gave and which was essential ie. how to get educational help, benefits etc. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
