Hello, thanks and help!

[mamabear]

Greetings one and all. Another new member here just introducing myself and saying yikes!

 

Parent of autistic kid, Naruto, age six, who was diagnosed just a couple of months ago (long suspected) with ASD and above average intelligence. He also is anxious. Naruto was previously labelled with Conduct Disorder due to severe behavioural problems and high levels of violence and destructiveness.

 

I am 37 and have 4 kids. I am probably on the spectrum myself too - I also have physical health problems which is causing some level of impairment clashes between us as I am weaker and have less stamina than a more typical parent my age. I am finding it really hard living in a locked up smashed up home.

 

I'm here in particular to read up on and ask questions about your joint wealth of experience in raising autistic kids and get tips on parent survival skills :-). Probably have some tips to share too. So as well as saying hello I also wanted to say thanks in advance for the info - the stuff you have already shared here from which I am sure I will benefit and also in advance for future info. :-)

 

I am looking in particular for information and ideas around managing violence and destruction which for us has been the main problem living with our wonderful child with autism. he is a very clever and loving little boy but when he is unhappy in any way, the world has to watch out! He has already had a school exclusion for punching and kicking teachers, for example. I just haven't got the fitness I need to clear up after him. I also can;t restrain him easily and that's one of the topics I want to ask people about.

 

One of my autistic friends recommended this forum as a good place to come to chat and share support and so on, because I'm struggling with managing the levels of violence and destruction we live with. I am sick of living in a smashed up home and trying to protect my children and myself from my son :-( I am back at that stage of saying 'I can't cope with this any more' although of course, I do continue to cope day to day ;-) as I have to!

 

I am sick of surviving.. I want to be a great parent and feel like I am failing. We have had support from CAHMs since Naruto was 3 and a psychologist helping us work out strategies but it's not enough. Sometimes I feel like proffessionals are great at telling us how not to deal with melt downs, but have no advice about what to do when the meltdown happens. I know we need to avoid the melt downs before they occur, but it seems impossible to get any info to support me to deal with this if that hasn;t happened, or didn't work.

 

If anyone can point me to any particularly useful existing threads that would be a big help and perhaps mean I am less repetitive as surely this is a topic which has arisen before.

 

 

Thanks

mamabear

 

PS I ned to stay anon due to domestic violence issues, so for the purposes of this membership, Naruto is not my son's real name ;-) my name is not mamabear either ;-) :-D

[smiley1590]

has your son been assessed for behavioural disorder such as A.D.H.D /O.D.D./C.D? as this can be present along side A.S. so could be worth looking into if havn't already? has meds been looked into for his anger /physical aggression ??? risperdal?

[justine1]

Hi

 

I have four boys two with ASD.My 7 yr old has challenging behaviour,he is not aggressive at home but he does shout and can be verbally abusive. What has worked for us is a number of things:

 

1) We have visual timetables and calender for him,so he knows what to expect and when.

 

2) We use timers for activities such as computers,he always has a set amount of time.So for example he loves spongebob so he can watch 1 hr of spngebob at the same time everyday.When his time is nearly up I let him know,he has improved with time telling so is getting better with this.

 

3) He has lost privileges such as computer/telly time for his bad behaviour,example would be today he refused to pick up his books I told him three times and let him know he would lose computer time,he still refused and so lost the time.It is very hard to do this as the tantrum will esculate when this happens,I take him to his room or put him in a quiet corner to calm down.He usually throws things and gets so angry,however he does eventually calm down(though it feels like ages!)It is important to stick to the threat/punnishment no matter what!!

 

4) I have removed things like toys and even bedding when he has been destructive,and refuse to buy him new things.He had gone without a bed for almost a year because he broke his bed.

 

5) We use a more visual reward system which is him putting marbles in a jar for every good day,we do two per day one for home and one for school. when he reaches a certain amount he gets to chose something from the 99p store or get a cheap magazine.

 

6) Having four kids I have to discipline them all the same it would not be fair on my eldest(especially) if I said "well your brothers have ASD therefore they can do what they like." So when I changed things for Sam I changed things for everyone,so my eldest also has set times to watch telly and use PC,he also loses privileges when he misbehaves.I do think this has helped to.

 

Above all be 100% consistent.Create a calm area.Sam loves soft toys so I give him these when he gets upset.Most important thing I learned also was to not engage with him when he is shouting and swearing,this just winds him up even more.When he calms down I then explain that the behaviour is wrong and tell him what his punnishment is.You can take that time to also use social stories explaining the behaviour.

[mamabear]

has your son been assessed for behavioural disorder such as A.D.H.D /O.D.D./C.D? as this can be present along side A.S. so could be worth looking into if havn't already? has meds been looked into for his anger /physical aggression ??? risperdal?

 

 

Hi thank you so much for replying to me :-)

 

My son was labelled with Conduct Disorder, when he was referred up for psychiatric assessment (for autism) about a year and a half ago. CD is a severe form of ODD, usually only labelled to teenagers at the stage where they start to use weapons and fire. Naruto doesn't burn things but we have had all our cutlery and knives etc locked away for a couple of years now.

 

Nobody has ever mentioned mediation and I got the impression that it's not possible to medicate him because he has autism :/ I will ask his psychiatrist though.

 

As long as he is happy things are fine, but Naruto seems to really struggle to not be OTT aggression wise when he is unhappy. And unhappiness happens a lot due to not understanding / communication difficulties / being very temperamental due to the autism. :-(

 

mamabear

Edited February 15, 2011 by mamabear

[mamabear]

Hi justine1 and thank you for replying to me with such a detailed list of strategies - wow!

 

Yes I think there are some things here we need to work on. we gave up visual timetable for a bit as it wasn't helping because Naruto was trying to use it to control the universe ;-) I think we might not have been using it correctly anyway so need to learn more about this.

 

I smiled when you mentioned timers - we're having trouble with the computer turn taking and the twins so timers are on today's shopping list! Briliant I am glad to hear it's helpful I wondered about it.

 

Sadly I think we;re at the stage where we need to empty his bedroom of toys except soft toys again - we had another try after xmas and new toys arriving but it#s led to a room which looks like a bomb has hit it again. So once again there is no furniture except a bed in there :-( and I need to sort the toys so I will prioritise this in the next day or two- it's a big drain of energy to try and keep srting it.

 

Bed smashing oh I am so sorry I laughed when I read that due to the relief on hearing another person's child has also smashed up beds!!! sorry!! I swear I've never seen anything like this in my life!

 

Yes Naruto also had a period of no bed after breaking two beds and a third mattress in about a week and a half. I then aquired a hospital mattress from health visitor due to it being waterproof and strong and it's been a godsend. He has a bed again now although the mattress went flying again twice yesterday :-( so I am considering moving to sleeping bag from sheets and quilt etc to save me keep lifting mattress and straining putting sheet on it - if this is becoming another regular occurrence.

 

We also need to replace his bedroom door )again) because it's so badly smashed up (also on today's to do list - is is always this never ending aghhhh!) due to us putting him there when he is uncontrollably violent or destructive to limit damage / harm.

 

I have not really done punishment/ penalties but I think we might need to consider using the method you use as it might help. We do give him Pokemon collector's cards for going to school and 10p for following the house rules per day as best he can./ know what though I keep forgetting that one, which won;t be helping so I need to goto your point about consistency and that maybe I let some things slide.

 

 

Hi

 

I have four boys two with ASD.My 7 yr old has challenging behaviour,he is not aggressive at home but he does shout and can be verbally abusive. What has worked for us is a number of things:

 

1) We have visual timetables and calender for him,so he knows what to expect and when.

 

2) We use timers for activities such as computers,he always has a set amount of time.So for example he loves spongebob so he can watch 1 hr of spngebob at the same time everyday.When his time is nearly up I let him know,he has improved with time telling so is getting better with this.

 

3) He has lost privileges such as computer/telly time for his bad behaviour,example would be today he refused to pick up his books I told him three times and let him know he would lose computer time,he still refused and so lost the time.It is very hard to do this as the tantrum will esculate when this happens,I take him to his room or put him in a quiet corner to calm down.He usually throws things and gets so angry,however he does eventually calm down(though it feels like ages!)It is important to stick to the threat/punnishment no matter what!!

 

4) I have removed things like toys and even bedding when he has been destructive,and refuse to buy him new things.He had gone without a bed for almost a year because he broke his bed.

 

5) We use a more visual reward system which is him putting marbles in a jar for every good day,we do two per day one for home and one for school. when he reaches a certain amount he gets to chose something from the 99p store or get a cheap magazine.

 

6) Having four kids I have to discipline them all the same it would not be fair on my eldest(especially) if I said "well your brothers have ASD therefore they can do what they like." So when I changed things for Sam I changed things for everyone,so my eldest also has set times to watch telly and use PC,he also loses privileges when he misbehaves.I do think this has helped to.

 

Above all be 100% consistent.Create a calm area.Sam loves soft toys so I give him these when he gets upset.Most important thing I learned also was to not engage with him when he is shouting and swearing,this just winds him up even more.When he calms down I then explain that the behaviour is wrong and tell him what his punnishment is.You can take that time to also use social stories explaining the behaviour.