Son with Aspergers, stealing

[luca]

Just kicked my son out for lieing, stealing, anyone care to comment.He seems happy where he is now. Should I stop crying everyday now, afterall the choice hes made of hardship is his own.

[AdamJ]

It sounds as if things reached a pretty desperate point. None of us here knows the circumstances but kicking your son out seems quite a drastic act.

[Aine]

Luca, I'm really sorry. It sounds as if you've had an awful time of it. I haven't any advice to offer, just a (cyber) hug.

[bid]

How old is your son, Luca, and where has he gone?

 

Bid

[baddad]

Hi Luca -

looking back at your earlier posts your son was seventeen so is now 17/18(?)

 

I think you've answered your own question to some degree with 'he seems happy now'...

He may not have made the choices you wanted him to make and he may come to regret them, but if he's happy with them now you can only really live in the 'now' iyswim.

I think it's perfectly natural to feel scared for him and upset - especially if he's left under less than ideal circumstances and is living (in your eyes) in less than ideal circumstances, but I think you would be making a rod for your own back if you acted on those feelings by asking him to come back and letting him lie, steal and 'rule the roost' purely on his terms. As parents, sometimes however hard it is we have to let our kids make their mistakes. If it all goes t!ts up hopefully you'll be in a position to help him pick up the pieces in a way that maskes his prospects better in the future, or he may actually surprise you and turn it all around for himself (many do, when the safety net's taken away). What you can't do is be an adult scapegoat or punchbag for the rest of his life, which if he's lying to and stealing from you is the 'role' you're fulfilling for him at the moment.

 

HTH

 

L&P

 

BD

[Kathryn]

Just looked at a previos thread of yours to get some context.

 

It must have been a really difficult decision Luca and I'm sure it wasn't taken lightly.

 

<'> ><

 

K x

[bid]

Just re-read your past posts too, Luca.

 

I think your son must be about 18 now. If he was behaving as you say, then that is completely reasonable for you to ask him to leave. Having AS is not carte blanche to treat your family badly.

 

I think all you can do is make sure you keep the channels of communication open, even if it's just a weekly text (about all I get from my son who is nearly 22 and left home last year ).

 

Please don't feel bad: no-one can be allowed to lie and steal with no consequences, and you have every right to live peacefully in your own home <'>

 

Bid

Edited April 10, 2011 by bid

[Sally44]

Did you ever see Clinical Psychology or CAHMS with your son?

There could be other things causing this behaviour. Children with AS and ADHD can fall more within the type of behaviour you describe. Very impulsive and rushing into things, taking things on impulse. He may seem very capable in some areas and then have low emotional or social skills.

I haven't managed to read your past posts, so I apologise if what i've written sounds totally inappropriate.

I can imagine you've just got through on your own with your child with very little help or input from any outside professionals, and now he is an adult and you have little control over him other than giving him ultimatums.

I don't know what the cut off point is for childrens' services. If you can access them I would do, even if it is with your son in absence, because you need their help for you and the family, not just your son.

Also this behaviour needs to be on file.