School issue

[MelowMeldrew]

My 16yr old has now started to expose himself to teachers and classmates, it has come from nowhere, how do we deal with this ?

[cmuir]

My 16yr old has now started to expose himself to teachers and classmates, it has come from nowhere, how do we deal with this ?

 

Hi

 

Not sure what to suggest. Don't know if it's happened once or more than that, but I'm guessing that he would have got quite a reaction from staff and classmates (is he in a mainstream or special school?). Guess there's a whole host of things to consider. Can you think of anything that could have triggered this i.e. stress, exams, recent sex education class, etc? Also, not sure how high functioning your son is, but it might be worth being direct with him (you've probably done that already) and stipulating that it's not acceptable (privacy of own room only, etc) and covering possible consequences. Again, don't know enough, but could be worth referring to CAMHS for their input (though I think CAMHS are a bit 'hit and miss'). Sorry, not much help. I seem to recall something similar being covered in the past – perhaps someone else might recall a previous thread.

 

Best wiehes.

[philipo]

Whoa slow down,its more alarming for everyone else than him.he's just reached a new stage of his body awareness albeit a little out of phase with 'normal' development,obviously hes alittle behind on the self knowledge and appropiateness of his behaviour .Cmuir makes alot of sense

.When children start expressing inappropiate sexual behaviour it can be an indication of abuse but while children and adults with 'learning difficulties' can be at higher risk to abuse of many sorts you should study the litereture of asd and observe that its very probably just developmental slowness ,he's discoverd somthing and he 's proud as its a magic sensation and he may want to share his new found awareness with everybody else. How niave BUT trusting he is to his fellow pupils and teachers.Obviously it very much depends on what 'collection' of asd impairments he has and by examining the severity of the symptoms will help you understand his awareness and self knowledge of his behaviour.BUT FIRSTLY understand that his level of personal responsibilty for this behaviour is probably is very low.

many years ago a freind of mine was extremly concerned about his 5 year old daughter who on a few occasions was showing inappropiate sexual behaviour to visitors.he was recently seperated (bitterly)from the mother and brought down the might of the social services on his ex partner and her new boyfreind,in the end his reaction to the behaviour was far more damaging than the behaviour itself,the social services explained to him that the child,at a time of extreme stress through the seperation was just pulling out all the stops for attention because she was worried about losing the connection with her father and family freinds because her whole world had been turned upside down BY THE SEPERATION.The problem went away very quickly when the seperated parents started behaving like responsible adults,like regualar access and contact as well as not slagging each other off every time they met in front of the child.Obviously you are alarmed just don't overreact too much and ask the school to do the same as its important to not throw the baby out with the bathwater and withdraw him from a prime source of socialisation and belonging.And remeber Adults are far more F))))d up about sex than children as we completly load the subject with sophisticated social and power game meanings.

[baddad]

Whoa slow down,its more alarming for everyone else than him.

 

Yes, Philipo, that's right... And the implications, if he 'alarms' the wrong people, could be major... So rather than making generalisations and assumptions about what's causing the behaviour, his inability to understand the impact the behaviour has on others and the importance of 'not over-reacting' isn't the sensible thing to intervene to make sure he knows that this behaviour is not acceptable and to stop him enacting it?

 

Obviously I can't speak for your experiences/background, but I don't for a moment think adults are more 'f((((d up' about sex than children, and I think the attitude that they are is a dangerous one. Children are becoming 'sexualised' at an increasingly young age as a result of media and commercial interests that are willing to exploit their curiosity and naivity for their own ends. The results of that, looking at teenage pregnancy statistics and the rise in STD's, etc, all indicate for me a younger generation that is far more f(((((d up - both metaphorically and physically - than the generations immediately preceeding it, with (if the findings of a recent court case are general) underage children who are so sexually confused by the mixed messages society throws at them that they are not even capable of recognising when they are being abused. Adults, for the most part, are not 'f((((d up', they are AWARE. Even the adults who have no moral objection to exploiting children are acting with an awareness of what they are doing, and the profits to be made from doing it... Children aren't aware and ignorance is not the same as innocence - it is a state of being that can be exploited. The adult's role is to help a child achieve awareness so they can make the right, rather than wrong, choices - as you said; 'responsible adults'. The key issue is that word 'responsibility', and if we want our children to take responsibility for themselves we have to give them the understanding to do so rather than pussyfooting, generalising, assuming and tiptoing around the issues.

 

MM - don't really have any practical advice to offer other than that which has been suggested by CMuir - i.e. trying to get to the bottom of what might be directing his thinking (in a rational way rather than just assuming or projecting this, that or the other) and sending very clear messages about where, when, how and with whom and the consequences (and potential wider consequences) of not meeting those expectations. Hope you can find some way of achieving that dialogue, and accessing support if there are additional complications in doing so.

 

L&P

 

BD

[lisac]

MelowMeldrew, can you try getting him to wear trousers with a belt ? Then at least you will have some warning when he goes to do it. This is what i do when my son has a phase of pulling down his trousers, other than that, giving no reaction at all and ignoring it is what i do, until he moves on to the next behaviour. Best of luck

[lisac]

Just to add , when my son does this, it is not a sexual behaviour, it is just another behaviour, and serves a purpose for him, like kicking his shoes off at every opportunity indoors and outdoors.

[Mumble]

lisac you know I don't normally agree with you but you've give the most sensible advice here:

 

MelowMeldrew, can you try getting him to wear trousers with a belt ? Then at least you will have some warning when he goes to do it. This is what i do when my son has a phase of pulling down his trousers, other than that, giving no reaction at all and ignoring it is what i do, until he moves on to the next behaviour. Best of luck

 

Make is difficult for him actually to do this - I don't know if there's a boy's eqivalent of the girls' 'bodysuits' that were in fashion for a very short while when I was a teenager - they covered the whole body and fastened 'underneath'. Even a leotard (how about one of those all in one swimsuits with shorts?) under normal cloths might work.

 

The reason I'm for the make it difficult / ignore approach is that my brother (severe ASD and LD) also did this and was reacted to completely inappropriately - locked up for inappropriate sexual conduct and had all sorts of inappropriate sanctions applied. Didn't help that in an assessment he was asked what he liked to play with and he indicated 'children' - no one had the common sense to realise he meant children's things like teddies, big lego, cars, etc. :shame:

 

Yes, I understand that you have to be really careful and avoid possibly ignoring them trying to say they're being abused, but you also have to have some common sense...

[MelowMeldrew]

yes keeping proportion is essential,the school seems to be keeping its head about it, we are making it clear its unacceptable to him. AS far as sex education goes, initially we were advised to give him none, it would only confuse. Now they say To make him aware of sex education I have to consent to them teaching it. The SS were too silly about it so we and the school kicked them into touch, and we both have formally requested SS to be replaced because they don't know what they're doing basically and making parental and school support difficult by their ignorance of autism. It seems an 'shock value' thing at present he is amused by people's reactions. For some reason he only exhibits the behaviour at school and nowhere else. It's not a thing he does at home. Amusingly the school suggested in the playground the kids never talk about sexual matters or swear (I can only assume they are either blind, or deaf !).