nadine.a Report post Posted July 22, 2011 Hi To everyone My Name is Nadine and a mother of four 2 Girls and 2 boys, My oldest son is four years of age and was diagnosed with ASD last year, l have found this difficult at time as so new to this and doubt myself on whether l make the right decisions when dealing with certain situations one concerning his younger brother who is 3 years of age, l practice the naughty step etc but do see that my youngest son notices that l do not do the same with his brother and do not know how to deal with this, lt has been lovely to read some of your stories and feel relieved to have found this site and thought l would introduce myself Nadine Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RainbowsButterflies Report post Posted July 22, 2011 Hi and welcome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted July 22, 2011 Hi Nadine - welcome to the forum. Why do you use the naughty step for one child but not the other? You really do need to be teaching both children the same life skills, and in exactly the same way. One son might 'fight against' time out on the naughty step more, and I'm guessing that's the case with your older, AS, child, but if anything he needs the absolute black and white logic of actions and consequences more than the non-autistic one. Treat all your children equally, and have the same behavioural expectations for your autistic child as the others. If you don't, he will behave differently, but this will have nothing to do with autism, and everything to do with lowered expectations, and it will set a precedent for the rest of his life for as long as you enable/don't tackle it. He will see his siblings making friendships, achieving things in school, and enjoying all the opportunities that 'good' behaviour rewards but will be debarred from achieving them because he will never have learnt the basic premise of behaviour/consequence from you. Best advice I can give - do whatever you do with your other kids and if necessary do it more, not less. Be 'Super nanny' with all your kids, because they all deserve the benefits that will bring, but if one needs it more than the others do it more, regardless of whether that child is the one with AS or one of the one's who's not AS. Sorry if that seems a bit harsh as a response to your first post. It's not meant to be, but you seem to be making a fundamental mistake that many parents seem to make when a child is diagnosed with autism - which is to identify behaviours that are perfectly normal in childhood as something 'other' and to respond to them differently based on those assumptions. More often than not, they are not 'other', but will become so if enabled to. Hope that helps L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
spam390 Report post Posted July 22, 2011 Hi and welcome, I'm a relative newcomer to the site too. It is a great source of information and 'advice'. I would be reluctant to 'advise' you on how to discipline your children as everyone knows their own child best, but unless you have very good reasons for choosing different 'punishments' for each child, I would say it's best to find a 'one fits all children' punishment, whatever that 'punishment' may be. You may want to include things such as detailed explanations of why a 'punishment' is deserved and meted out to ensure the childs understanding, perhaps using picture cards if language is a barrier. This approach of action and consequence can be learned by even severely autistic children, it just takes a LOT more time and patience. Having worked with mildly and severely autistic children professionally I can tell you with certainty that they CAN and DO learn.You just need patience (LOTS of it), a calm and 'in control' approach and NO EXCEPTIONS (kids learn much faster if you don't make any exceptions e.g. he's tired/ hungry so I won't punish him this time). Psychologically speaking it would be very confusing for the children and probably damaging to any sibling relationships to have differing expectations of childrens basic behaviour (i.e hitting/ stealing/shouting etc). I have 2 kids, one is 12 and one is 9. I am STILL carrying out the standard 'punishments' for bad behaviour whenever it occurs, regardless of whether or not it was my ASD child or not, the punishment is the same. I am aware that I do make decisions about where we will go and what we will do based on what my ASD child is able and willing to do, and my other child is expected to conform. I do get complaints etc from my neurotypical child about this, but I simply explain that there are some situations and activities my ASD child finds difficult and as a family we should support each other (giving examples of how we give HIM support) especially in things we find difficult. I hope you find lots of useful advice and support, you just have to 'go with' what you think is best, Best wishes, Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
littleplum Report post Posted July 22, 2011 Hi To everyone My Name is Nadine and a mother of four 2 Girls and 2 boys, My oldest son is four years of age and was diagnosed with ASD last year, l have found this difficult at time as so new to this and doubt myself on whether l make the right decisions when dealing with certain situations one concerning his younger brother who is 3 years of age, l practice the naughty step etc but do see that my youngest son notices that l do not do the same with his brother and do not know how to deal with this, lt has been lovely to read some of your stories and feel relieved to have found this site and thought l would introduce myself Nadine Welcome Nadine. I have two grandsons, four and three. They're OK - I am the one with the AS. I agree with what others have said about being even-handed with all your kids. You will inevitably have to spend more time with your four-year old as he grows older, explaining things that his brothers and sisters will pick up naturally. That's all the more reason to treat them all the same as far as discipline is concerned. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley1590 Report post Posted July 22, 2011 ironic fact of my sister's name's nadine it unusual name not common really! lol X hello and welcome to the forum! X XKLX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lynden Report post Posted July 22, 2011 (edited) Hi Nadine - welcome I agree with the others re using the same tactics and having the same expectations (in behaviour at least - I'm realistic about the fact that my little man is less likely to go to uni/live independently etc but I never say never!). My son is severely autistic with additional learning difficulties, and naughty step etc made no difference at all to him, but it made all the difference in the world to his sister seeing that he was being 'disciplined' in the same way as she would be. Like Spam said we do often base what we do in terms of days out etc on what my son can cope with but we discuss this with my daughter to make sure she understands why and we also ensure that she gets to do the things she wants too - just maybe without him in tow sometimes! Lynne Edited July 22, 2011 by Lynden Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
