Problems with primary school

[susiemumof3]

Hi all!

A bit of background first. My son is nearly 9 and I've been told to expect a diagnosis of aspergers. I have alerted the school to this fact so we are all waiting for referrals to come. Generally we have no problems during school hours as he is very quiet and petrified of being told off. however, first day back at school and he comes out looking very sad. I asked him what was wrong and he told me he had chosen a book from school for his reading but it had upset him. It was a Horrible Histories book which outlined on the back that you could find out when the end of the world would be. He then read some of the book and learned about the Mayans who predicted the end of the world next December. He got quite upset in the class over it and told the teacher he felt unwell, needed his mum, and didn;t want us all to die. His teacher told him he was fine, he didn't need his mum and the world wouldn't end for billions of years. However, he was still upset and I had to do a lot of hours of reassuring. The following day he was still crying about it so I spoke to the Headteacher and explained the situation and complained about the book. I had hoped that he would discreetly alert the teacher to the cause of the distress but he instead informed the whole class that my son had read a book which had scared him and reassured them all that the end of the workd was not actually nigh. This seemed to make things worse as although some of the children in his class were understanding and caring, a few took it upon themselves to tell my son that it was true as they'd seen it on the news and he was right to be scared. I feel now he's been slightly ridiculed. He came out on the second day and told me this and asked if he could move tables. I went and spoke to his teacher who basically told me I was overreacting as he only sat with those children for around 5-10 minutes a day. I tried to explain that in his mind, 5-10 minutes of something he dislikes is like a lifetime to him. she didn't seem to want to listen though and literally brushed me off. I left the school feeling like a neurotic parent who can't stop moaning!!! She seems to not appreciate that he may need carefully handling in these situations. I didn't expect her to ask him to move tables, but perhaps reassure me that she would keep a watchful eye on them the following day maybe?? Am I going over the top? It's the worst thing in the world watching your child suffer, especially when things are out of your control.

Perhaps when we receive a diagnosis we can ensure that his teachers consider his emotional wellbeing in future. In the meantime, I shall probably continue to become frustrated and angry at the lack of understanding in a supposedly compassionate and understanding society!!!

 

Thanks for reading, any advice gratefully received!

[Suze]

Hi Welcome, I can understand how you are feeling at the moment getting used to the idea of a diagnosis, my son was a similar age when he recieved his dx.Don,t want this to sound too harsh , but what hes going through at the moment is just a part of life .Its down to us as parents to reassure our kids and guide them through these difficult episodes.His teacher could be more understanding , but to her the issue won,t seem that important.She does,nt have to cope with him at home when hes upset like you do.I,d just do my best as his mum to reassure him and give explanations when ever he becomes anxious etc.Tell him to ignore the remarks other kids are making at him and try to give him the confidence he needs to build his esteem up.Its a fact of life that kids can be unkind to each other, and he,ll meet other such people through out his life too.So my aim would be to give him a good foundation of confidence and security within himself , knowing he has you to talk to means so much more in the end.Its still worth outlining your concerns to school , but I found through experience that if they were,nt receptive you are the one ending up feeling bad and let down in the long run, and it makes you feel cr*p being ignored, best wishes ..hope he settles in to school better suzex

[Mishmash]

Hi, just to let you know you're not alone! I have the same thing with my 9 yo son, about the same thing at the mo. there has been a lot on TV (ads etc) about 2012 and he was freaking out about it, as well as the horrible history book Other kids winding him up telling him ti's true etc.

 

what I've done is just constandly reasurre him it's not going to happen ... one of the things that seemed help (because he thinks it's logical) is that fact that they wouldn't have spent all that money on the Olympics if the world was going to end any time soon! I've told him as well that everyone has different ideas and beliefs and if some people at school want to think that, it is their perogative to do so - just to take no notice. Luckily if does think that Mama knows best as well as the olympics thing.

 

The teachers just don't have the time or the patience to deal with this sort of thing. I do agree though that the head didn't handle the situation as well as they could have.

 

Hope you manage to reassure him, and hope this has helped some.

Love and light,

Mish

[Mishmash]

Argh... should be luckily he.... not if! typing too fast

[Sally44]

You may need to limit what he watches and what he reads both at home and in school.

 

Your son is in a mainstream primary and so I doubt they have any specific training or understanding of ASDs at all.

 

It is typical of ASD children to take language literally (and I presume he is going to be assessed by a speech therapist regarding all aspects of his expressive and receptive language as well as social communication skills?)

 

Your Local Authority should have an autism outreach teacher. Contact them and ask them to come and observe your son. This teacher should be able to work with you/school and your son to help make things better for him. She should be able to explain that as part of his diagnosis he will not cope well with things like teasing, sarcasm etc. He will not get it and it will upset him and he is capable enough to understand that things are not going right for him. I am very surprised that they actually "named" him in class as the child that read the book. IMO they gave an open opportunity for him to be made fun of, and that could be the first step towards bullying.

 

What I would recommend is that you start looking for a suitable secondary school from now. Consider applying for a Statement of Special Educational Needs (which can provide provision for speech therapy - which includes all aspects of social communication, emotional literacy etc).

 

Look at schools that already have an autism unit on site, or are mainstream, but also for children with speech and communication disorders etc. Or consider small secondary schools.

 

As part of his diagnosis he will have a certain level of anxiety anyway, because things do not always make sense to him and he knows he keeps getting things wrong, but he does not know why. You need him to be calm and alert in school, not anxious and worried and upset.

Edited September 9, 2011 by Sally44

[susiemumof3]

Thanks all for your replies. I understand that many things are part of life and growing up, and to be honest I didn't expect a lot from the teachers. However, I sometimes would really appreciate a level of understanding from people, particularly those who are responsible for the most precious thing in my life for over 6 hours a day. He has been referred for multi-disciplinary assessment but I imagine it is a long old trek before aformal diagnosis is reached. He didn't seem to bothered that he had been named in class, but I found that to be completely the wrong way of handling it. As for monitoring what he reads and watches, I am already very careful as so many things distress him. Even cartoons make him cry for days. MOst recently the rugrats film upset him so much i had to throw the dvd in the bin in front of him. He won't watch anything with 'real people' in and although he has a reading age of 13, he likes to read books much too young for him as he prefers the content. Obviously as time goes on, this will be a cause of bullying. I am very lucky in some respects as he attends a very small c of e school and they have two children with autism already statemented. The school nurse is excellent and she is going into the school next week to talk to the head about him and needs we need to address.

He seems to have receovered mostly from his upset about 2012, although he needs to verbally reassure himself that it's not true and we are safe.

I am so so so pleased I decided to join this forum, as although we have not yet reached a diagnosis, I am 90% sure it is aspergers and it is so reassuring to read similar stories and have some advice when needed. Also, I feel I can vent to people who understand and can support my difficulties and decisions. Learning more about aspergers has made me more aware of steps I can take to make him happier (setting very clear routines for example!!) and to make mine and his brother's lives easier. So Thank You All once again. I appreciate all advice and feedback I am given.

Susie

[Sally44]

Your local authority WILL have an autism outreach teacher. She is the relevent professional who should be liaising with school. They will need school's permission before she can go in, but that should not be a problem.

 

Please consider that getting a diagnosis can take 12-18 months. IF your son needs a Statement that takes a further 26 weeks (ie. 6 months). IF he needs a particular school, or specific support for secondary school (so that he copes and does not end up refusing school or deteriorating - and believe me that can happen very quickly - then you need to be considering these things and reading up about them NOW. It is also common practice for LA's to initially either refuse to assess or refuse to issue a Statement. That would mean you would have to appeal that decision and that takes a further 6 months at least. So you could easily find yourself unable to get the placement, or provision your son needs before he starts secondary school.

 

It would be better to wait until you have a diagnosis, but don't think you have years infront of you to sort it out, because the system is so slow it takes years to get it all up and running.

 

Mainstream secondary schools do not have speech therapy input UNLESS it is in a Statement. You can already see that he has problems with the way he reacts to what he reads and watches. That can be worked on. But it won't happen UNLESS it is provision that is specified in a Statement.

 

As the school already have two children with an ASD diagnosis what are they doing NOW to support him. What emotional programme, or social use of language programme are they using? What support does he current get in terms of hours and who is providing it eg. a TA?

Edited September 9, 2011 by Sally44

[susiemumof3]

He currently has no support whatsoever as the school have no concerns. As far as they are concerned he is a a well adjusted, clever, friendly (if a little quiet) little boy. Apparently this can be quite common in primary education? He is so scared of being told off he won't complain at school or explain what is worrying him. I have showed his teacher video footage of one of his outbursts and she was shocked but not really prepared to change the way he is treated. The TA for one of the autistic children is now working within his class and I think I may meet with their SENCO next week to discuss what to do next. I honestly believe they think I am overreacting and he is just having 'normal' behavioural problems for his age. Actually, saying that, my husband thinks so too.

[Pancakemaker]

He currently has no support whatsoever as the school have no concerns. As far as they are concerned he is a a well adjusted, clever, friendly (if a little quiet) little boy. Apparently this can be quite common in primary education? He is so scared of being told off he won't complain at school or explain what is worrying him. I have showed his teacher video footage of one of his outbursts and she was shocked but not really prepared to change the way he is treated. The TA for one of the autistic children is now working within his class and I think I may meet with their SENCO next week to discuss what to do next. I honestly believe they think I am overreacting and he is just having 'normal' behavioural problems for his age. Actually, saying that, my husband thinks so too.

[Pancakemaker]

Oops,don't know what happened there! It's annoying that the teachers don't get to see what we see isn't it? The communication clinic is now waiting for something from the school called a teachers checklist before they'll diagnose my four year old,and because he's good at nursery I'm actually worried that they'll say there's no problem,except one thing that doesn't change is his speech,whether at home or school.he has echolia and refers to himself by name etc so at least they can see that.xx

[Sally44]

Get the autism outreach teacher involved. Your LA will have one. Your school should have already been in contact with them, but they obviously havent.

 

Keep the tape you have because you can use it as evidence towards an assessment, or as part of an appeal.

 

My son was the same in school. He is 10 and has not attended school since January 2011. He is under Clinical Psychology and CAHMS due to self harm and threats of suicide and they have said he was "containing himself in school and giving answers to please" and that "xxx was totally overloaded and overwhelmed on a daily basis". And my son is already in a LA school that is supposed to have expertise in children with an ASD! So we have an educational tribunal soon and we are asking for him to be moved to an independent ASD only school.

 

My son would find it very difficult to complain or even explain what was upsetting him or what he could not understand, so it was easier for him to just keep his head down and try to get to the end of the day. But at home he just deteriorated and became very anxious, emotional, upset, angry, frustrated, and had a very poor self esteem and no confidence at all. He developed nervous tics and his ritualistic/repetitive behaviour escalated dramatically. He has been practically housebound until recently.

 

If the school "don't get it", then your son maybe in the wrong school. But it maybe better to involve the autism outreach/advisory teacher now at his current placement and start to look for an appropriate secondary school. If he is struggling now in a small, lower demand primary school, then it will only get worse in a larger, higher demand secondary school.

Edited September 9, 2011 by Sally44