Advice for my 8 year old little girl

[Nicklb]

Hello I am new to these forum discussions but could you some advice. Brief history, I have no official diagnosis for my daughter but previously CAMHS have advised me it's thought to be aspergers however it is mild. They have been helpful in the past but could do no more unless i wanted to take the route of an official diagnosis. I am loathe to do this at this stage as she is still young and like i have said previously it is mild. I Have had problems all through playgroup and school with making friends, bullying ect. School have been as supportive as they can be but M finding it really hard. Recently though on top of everything, school are learning about World War 2 and in particular the evacuees. This has upset M considerably I have had to pick her up from school hysterical that this may happen to her that she may be taken from me. The consequences are that she won't let me out of her sight, is up at all hours worrying, (she doesn't sleep well at the best of times) and is even more stressed about going to school they have had to prise her off me crying. It is so upsetting ,I don't want to subject her to this every day. The school has more things planned regarding the evacuees, a fun day where the children dress up in 1940's clothes and get 'evacuated' to the hall for games and a picnic. The thought of this terrifies M and I am thinking of pulling her from school that day. Our school is small (50children in total) I thought this would be ideal for M now I am wondering if I should be looking at a bigger school, with a bigger mix of children and perhaps more SEN knowledge? Is this common? We have to be so careful with what we watch on the television even if it meant to be for children that she will find something upsetting and then is unable to rationalise it, we then have hysterics.

 

Any help or advise would be greatly appreciated as I just want to do what is best for her but not sure what that is. :-(

[Suze]

Hi welcome to the forum.I,m always a bit wary of the term "mild aspergers"............does it really exist.........TBH ...at the moment if your daughter does have aspergers it isn,t, manifesting itself as mild and is begining to impact on school and home life.I would look again at CAMHS/diagnosis, and re think how a dx might help her, particularly through the school system.Its very hard to get any extra help or input without a dx should she need it.Sometimes it can be a worry for parents to label their child, but a dx can also be a huge help and fascillitate better understanding, all the best suze x

[Tally]

Hi Nick, and welcome.

 

The problems your daughter is having do not sound mild. A diagnosis can often be key to getting the right support, so it may be worth pursuing. There are very few jobs where a person needs to reveal their full medcal history, so having a diagnosis doesn't necessarily mean your daughter is going to have to tell lots of people when she is older. Getting the right support in childhood is your daughter's best chance of learning all the skills she will need for adult life.

 

I wonder if you could talk to your daughter about the changes in society that mean children would never be evacuated to live with strangers now. Or maybe if you have any relatives who were evacuated themselves and had a good experiences, maybe they would talk to your daughter about what an exciting adventure it was - if you don't know anyone yourself you might be able to find some stories on the internet. My grandad was evacuated with his mother because his baby brother was very young. He has a lot of fond memories of living in the countryside for a few years.

 

It would be a shame if your daughter had to miss out on the evacuation day at school, which mostly sounds like it's going to be a good fun day. But as a last resort, if it is only going to upset her, missing the day might be the best solution.

[justine1]

Hi

 

I agree with Tally in that I don't think she should miss out on the evacuation day. Maybe talk to her more about it. There are many events in history that can make children upset but to shield them froom this would be wrong in my opinion. My 8 year old often refuses to go to school for the simplest things but I still make him go as it won't give the right impression if I let him stay. In fact because his behaviour has improved he has been given the chance to go on a residential trip and he is very scared about this and really does not want to go, but I have agreed that he will go and have paid. He missed out on nearly 2 school years of sports days, christmas plays etc so I think this trip will make up for this in a small way.

 

I would try and seek more help from CAMHS whether you get a diagnosis or not there may be a reason for your daughters behaviour and you need some support as to how you can help her.

[smiley1590]

sounds like your daughter may have seperation anxiety issues with you!!!

 

XKLX

[Tally]

sounds like your daughter may have seperation anxiety issues with you!!!

I'm not sure about this. Children who were evacuated during the war were removed from their parents and taken a long way away from home to live with strangers for a number of years. Some were badly treated. It's not unhealthy for an 8-year-old to find this idea very scary!

[Nicklb]

Thanks all for your help - it's good to get someone elses perspective on things. The head as given me permission to take M out of school for the evacuees day - I know it's only a quick fix and not the answer - I think I am going to go back to CAMHS and if necessary explore the route of a diagnoses if that's possible. We have had problems up until a year ago when M would need to know where I was at all times and shout and start to get anxious if I didn't reply and she couldn't see me even if she was watching tv and I was just in the kitchen! I was told then this was separation anxiety but this has improved greatly over this last year so that I no longer have to tell M exactly which room I am going to. Thanks for listening.

[Sally44]

Anxiety is a big part of an ASD diagnosis, and as already said, it does not sound like her difficulties are mild.

 

Your daughter is 8, and in 3 years will be starting secondary school with all these difficulties still there. Although she will make progress etc, the core difficulties she has with understanding, social interactions and how that will impact on her anxiety levels will only get worse as the demands placed on her become greater. The move from a primary school (which are usually smaller and more supportive), to a mainstream secondary school could be a very difficult time, especially with no diagnosis, no support, no Statement.

 

My own son is 10+ and has been out of school for 9 months due to anxiety around not being able to cope in his primary school and he is diagnosed. We now have another diagnosis of an Anxiety Disorder and we maybe heading towards full blown OCD. Anxiety always finds a way to manifest itself. It needs to be managed, and the child needs professionals to help teach them strategies of how to cope with anxiety and strategies on how to reduce it both at home and within school.

 

A diagnosis can take up to 18 months. A Statement can take a further 6 months - if the LA agree to assess and issue a Statement. If you need to appeal at any of the stages it takes longer. You may feel you have years infront of you, when in actual fact you are short of time to get things in place for secondary school.