My brother says I have aspergers

[Deckard Snitch]

Hello,

 

I'm a 23 year old male. Ever since I was young I've had some social peculiarities.

Following are some of the things which are odd about me, and that sometimes, people point out about me as strange:

 

I avoid prolonged contact with people. Whether at school, or work, I have a hard time spending time with others. I've had people try tirelessly to become friends with me. But I avoid them, not because I hate them, but just because I do not see the benefit of hanging out with them. I hesitate to give anyone my number, because I'd rather be alone on a weekend than go out and explore the town or whatever. And if they do somehow get my number, I never respond with a message/call.

 

I spend most of my time at home.

I'd rather read/sleep/watch a film/listen to music, than form friendships with people in real life. Sure, I have contact with others on messageboards, but I don't use facebook because it somehow resembles the social environment we have going in real life. I actively avoid the people I know out in the real world. Even if I like them.

 

I just don't understand the way a social gathering works. I mean, so people go out and have fun drinking with their mates, have a party etc. But I just don't get how this idea of talking with other people, about other people, is considered a recreational activity.

 

I like to wear the same clothes.

I have two pair of clothes every year or so, that I like to wear. I have a lot of clothes in my wardrobe, but I tend to never wear them. I only feel comfortable wearing one or two pair of clothes. For instance, I have a shirt and trousers which I've been wearing for 3 years now. Not wearing them every day, but wearing them every weekend/days I don't have to work/be in a social situation for instance. What's worse, I don't wear underwear. I wear a trousers, underneath my trousers. It makes me feel comfortable, and I often think about how it doesn't make sense for people to wear underwear. If the objective is to keep parts of your body warm, then why not wear trousers, because they'll keep your legs warm in together with your private regions. Something underwear is obviously not as efficient at.

 

 

When saying hello/goodbye to others. I often do not know what to say and tend to just repeat what someone else said. So if I am walking with a friend and he says 'okay, thanks, see you later' as we are departing from someone else, I say the exact same thing.

 

Sometimes, I have to talk on the phone. I won't know what to say, unless I spend some time writing down what exactly to say during this phone call. Planning as it were, for whatever might happen.

 

I tend to repeat lines from films/books over and over again in my head, they comfort me, almost as if I am giving advice to myself. Sometimes, accidentally uttering them out loud in a public setting. I spend a lot of time watching documentaries, and know some small, completely trivial, facts which I tend to share with people on the most inappropriate social moments.

 

I find it really hard to tell what people think of me after I leave them. I'm pretty sure I've weirded a few people out. But then, I think about it in another way. Why would the way I behave be considered outrageous? Just because I like to wear different colours of socks ( for instance, when wearing smart clothes, I hardly wear black socks, I don't avoid them, but am perfectly fine wearing green/brown socks). Who made these social rules? Why are they considered precious? Why is it cool to talk about cars and X factor, but not about the age of the universe? Or the fact that birds are dinosaurs?

 

 

I don't think I have aspergers, since I am never really 'harsh' with people. In fact, I am really considerate, to the extent that it's often said that people take advantage of me.

 

What would you advise a person such as myself?

[chris54]

I don't realy feel able to comment about weather you have Aspergers or not, all sound a bit to close to home.

 

In our house we spend our time talking about the universe and dinosaurs, and lots of other "Boring" subjects. And Iv never watched X factor at home (Its sometime on at work).

 

What I would say is, are you happy with you life and where its going, in my opinion, much more important than having a label.

[Tally]

Hello, and welcome to the forum.

 

Asperger's isn't all about being harsh or rude to people. Some people with Asperger's are very vulnerable to being taken advantage of. It is mostly about social and communication difficulties and differences. Not wanting to have friends is certainly a difference. And you seem to have a lot of difficulty understanding normal ways to relate to people when you do have to.

 

For now, I think the best thing you could do is to learn as much as you can about Asperger's, to help you form an opinion about whether you might have it. You might also learn some techniques that could help you in situations you find hard.

 

It could also be helpful to ask your brother why he thinks you have Asperger's. People with Asperger's are often unaware of how they come across to others. If he is right about the Asperger's, he might have noticed things you haven't.

[Deckard Snitch]

Thank you for your advice.

I honestly did not know that Aspergers was not limited to harshness in communicating with people.

 

edit:

Found an error my first post. It should say white socks instead of black socks. Sorry about that!

Who cares anyway it's a stupid 'rule' that doesn't make sense.

Edited January 23, 2012 by Deckard Snitch

[Tanya52]

Hi DS,

 

Welcome aboard, nice meeting you.

 

I think that it‘s up to you to find the answers to your questions. If you‘re comfortable with the way you live your life, why to change it? What’s bothering me it’s your observation that other people often take advantage of you. It’s my situation too, and I’ll never accept it.

 

Regarding to some social codes and tacit rules in communication , they are the real deal and daily practice of the majority. It’s just happened that you and I might be able to observe these social rules/rituals structure but fail to comprehend their meaning in interaction.

[Deckard Snitch]

Thanks for these kind words!

I followed up on it. My brother reminded me of how I usually spend time in my own world which I've created years ago when I was 14 or so. It has struck me that I still visit the place every so often, I think I've actually become more depressed since I tried to stop myself from dwelling on it.

I also often end up doing repetitive movements. I like to move my fingers around edges. The edge of a table, the edge of a book, the edges of my keyboard keys, I like square shape edges, they make me feel comfortable. Sometimes, I even create imaginative edges at times, and move my thumb accordingly. I do this to clear my mind and/or to think.

 

According to my brother, I also do not speak in a natural tone. I switch between the speed I pronounce words, mid-sentence.

Edited January 24, 2012 by Deckard Snitch

[butterfly73]

What psych also would like to know, if the signs where ther from early onset..

* how did you devellop as a baby and toddler, any things you skipped doing and suddenly just did; or things you kept doing even when not age appropriate..

* any special remarks as to oral sensability (food, drink, brushing teeth)

..

 

If you like some more info for yourself there are online tests..

though some lines to react on might be preceived from different angles.. so are difficult to answer :/