Another Update

[Tally]

After many delays, the trial of the man who knocked my brother off his bike started and finished on Wednesday when he finally pleaded guilty to Gross Vehicular Manslaughter While Intoxicated. He was offered a plea bargain, and the deal is that all the minor charges have all been dropped, and he will be sentenced to five years, of which he will serve 4 in prison and 1 on probation.

 

It doesn't seem much, but the conviction always meant more to me than the sentence. He's going to struggle to get a job, a girlfriend, or live any kind of normal life now. He has to live the rest of his life knowing that he killed a man.

 

My dad and I are going to California to deliver Victim Impact Statements on 7th March. The judge is normally allowed to take them into account when he decides on the sentence, but I don't think he can now because of the terms of the plea bargain. I don't know how I feel about influencing the sentence anyway, but I do want to stand up in court and make sure everyone involved knows that this is about real human beings.

 

My dad's going to take me to the place where the accident happened while we are in America. And we are also going to San Diego Zoo. It's going to be the weirdest trip ever.

 

I'm not sure how I feel about it all yet. Because of the time difference in America, this all happened late last night and we only heard this morning. It is the outcome me and my parents all wanted and expected, but it's really shaken my mum. I normally process things more slowly anyway, I'm sure I'll work myself out in the next few days.

[Kathryn]

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Tally I can't imagine what the effect of this ongoing case is having on you and your family. I hope today's news is one step closer to getting some kind of closure. Small consolation for losing David, but it sounds as though justice is at least being done.

 

Take care

 

K x

[AdamJ]

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Tally I can't imagine what the effect of this ongoing case is having on you and your family. I hope today's news is one step closer to getting some kind of closure. Small consolation for losing David, but it sounds as though justice is at least being done.

 

Take care

 

K x

 

+1

 

Four years doesn't seem much but if he has an ounce of humanity in him, his feelings of guilt will never end.

[Tally]

It really is some comfort that we've known all along that he did it and we've never had to fight for justice. I can't imagine how it must be for families like Stephen Lawrence's who have never had that. It would consume your whole life and you'd have to let it, but this hasn't had to because we've known all along that it's in hand. Not that this is anything like Stephen Lawrence, just that I can understand why his family have done what they have and I'm pleased we haven't had to.

 

I've been missing David a lot with all the good things that have been happening recently, getting into university and not being able to tell him. It really sucks all the pleasure out of life. But it won't be that way forever.

 

We still have the inquest ongoing in the UK. Although it seems so silly that they are doing this that we really have not given it much thought.

[darkshine]

I'd like to say something nice but I'm not good at it sometimes, especially on things that I don't have a clue about, which is why I haven't replied to you on this topic before.

 

It seems good that you've got some degree of closure, and as Adam said, the man's feelings of guilt will never end cuz of what he did.

 

Just know that throughout all this my thoughts have been with you and I wish you and your family well for the future.

[Tally]

Thanks Darkshine. No one knows what to say and I don't know what I want them to say anyway. Nothing would make it all better. But it's helpful when people try to offer comfort, and does give me strength to know that I am cared about and supported.

 

My mum seemed alright this evening. This was the outcome she wanted, and I think she still feels that now it has happened. But I think this has made it seem more real to her.

 

The end of the trial should mean the coroner here in the UK can close his inquest now. I don't know whether there will be a hearing, I don't think we would attend anyway as we don't have any unanswered questions about what happened.

 

Even 7 months on, it's still hard to believe sometimes. I still get these fleeting thoughts of, "David will find this interesting . . . oh actually, I can't tell him." But it happens less and less, and it's less of a shock when it does.

 

My dad's going to book the trip over the weekend. We're planning to fly to San Diego, spend a couple of days there and visit the zoo. Then drive to Los Angeles to spend a couple of days with my dad's friend. Then we will drive on to San Luis Obispo, which is the town where David died and where the court is. From there we will fly either to Los Angeles or San Fransisco, and fly back home. We are going to hire a car and my dad and I will share the driving. I have never driven on the "wrong" side of the road before!

 

My mum's going to come round and feed my cat while I'm away. She's making arrangements to see friends and she will be working as normal too. She has a lot of very supportive friends if she finds it hard to be on her own, but I think she likes a bit of peace and quiet sometimes too.

Edited January 27, 2012 by Tally

[darkshine]

Thanks Darkshine. No one knows what to say and I don't know what I want them to say anyway. Nothing would make it all better. But it's helpful when people try to offer comfort, and does give me strength to know that I am cared about and supported.

I just want to say thanks cuz you totally understood where I'm coming from. I think everyone wishes you well

 

I think the circumstances of your brother makes it harder for me to know what to say, the last person to die in my life was my nan of old age 2 years ago, I still miss her and because I lived nowhere near her, I kept thinking I'll write her or plan a visit and then remembered I couldn't, I still forget occasionally and get upset. But then I knew she was fading a long time before so although very unpleasant and horrible - it wasn't such a shock - so even though I don't know, I assume it was worse for you and your family cuz of the circumstances.

 

I really struggle with grief, there isn't many people I feel like I truly love, so when they leave my life in some way (not always death) I really struggle with the change and the loss...

 

I think its important to honour the memory of important people in our lives in some way, cuz we sort of carry part of them with us, I think your trip to America will do you a lot of good, and be a happy and sad time for you and your family.

 

I hope you and you dad can have the best possible time you can have, and that you don't get too freaked out driving on the wrong side of the road

[Tally]

I don't think it's worse, it's just different. I think it must be very difficult to know that someone is going to die, and to see them suffering. That's never happened to anyone close to me.

 

I think parts of the America trip will be fun. The journey itself will obviously be total hell, not many people can cope with sitting next to my dad for 14 hours. I will have to make absolutely sure I don't run out of batteries for my mp3 player! But driving in America will be a bit of an adventure, and San Diego zoo looks amazing. It will be nice to get some summer weather too.

[darkshine]

From what you've said it sounds so cool to be going to America, I'd love to go but don't see it happening any time soon - I guess sometimes life throws you chances in weird ways sometimes.

 

I stopped going to zoos when I was a teenager after a negative experience at one (I didn't like the conditions the animals were kept in, the animals were neglected and miserable with concrete cells and nothing to do). Thankfully there's been lots of stuff about enrichment and realistic environments since then - I went to a animal park a couple of years ago and was very impressed at the efforts put in to give the animals the best possible surroundings and care, and more importantly to see the animals looking healthy, relaxed, clean and happy looking. It would be interesting to see how the American's do it

 

PS - I would need a lot more than a mp3 player to survive the plane journey - I get soooo stressed when I travel - totally out of proportion to what's going on be thankful you don't have to travel with me! Then you would experience a nightmare!!