Forgetting

[darkshine]

Does anyone else come up with ideas of how to make things better - or life goals or whatever - only to forget about the ideas, plans or solutions when it comes to the daily living of life?

[butterfly73]

*sigh* ohw... Most definitly...

 

Somehow.. my system isn't in balance yet.. Good idea's usually pop up when just awake.. and I'm still in touch with my subconscious..

Though when on my feet.. like a dream.. I might wanna remember, but <poooof>.. it's gone, can't find it.. hidden away again, somewhere deep..

or I don't remember until I go to bed again.. (mindset more in touch with subconscious again) and I realize that I had such great plans.. though somehow I forgot..

 

though it might also be an ADD thing..

 

Either way.. It will help to keep a notebook nearby to jot down good idea's!

And when doing sth.. keep your mind on only that (kinda like mindfulness).. maybe even reapeating that out load in your head, to stop intervening thoughts from popping up

 

I'm curious to hear more..

 

love, Seed

Edited January 30, 2012 by butterfly73

[darkshine]

Er... that's not really what I meant, but what you just said is actually scarily close to other problems I have and although its quite funny cuz although not quite so extreme my life is like that video at times

 

What I meant was longer term than that.

 

For example - I decide one day that I'm going to try to enrol on a course to learn motor mechanics, but I need to address things in my life first, so in the period of time following that decision, I forget what I'm aiming for, forget why it was important.

 

Then, like a few months later, I remember, but I've gotten no closer to being able to achieve the goal of enrolling as I can't go out alone still (or whatever - not listing every problem I have here).

 

Or when I want to be more motivated and then have a bad week, and forget all about trying to be motivated until a later date, when loads of time has been wasted, I remember about it.

 

So I guess a problem with seeing the bigger picture, and being able to keep that picture in mind, a problem with long-term plans, remembering about it, so that when time has passed I've actually done some of the things I want to do, yet this hardly ever happens as I lose focus of what I'm doing or why - so I guess meaning is a part of this too...

Edited January 30, 2012 by darkshine

[darkshine]

I find this very frustrating because it means that I ultimately do badly at achieving longer term goals cuz without a constant reminder of why I'm doing something, or what the what the importance is of the end goal, I forget because daily living is so damned difficult, awkward and problematic, that things outside of my immediate concern get forgotten.

 

I feel its a part of why I feel that my life hasn't moved on - also I find that when I'm trying to change things for the better, I lose the meaning of that - it loses its importance in the moment of living because I can't stand back and see why things are important.

 

Then what happens is a load of time passes and I suddenly realise - like when alcoholics talk about moments of clarity or something....

 

That's why I'm interested if anyone else experiences this - and how they remember, see the big picture, and keep the importance in mind, so that when life is a hard slog, there are ways of keeping the end goal or reason in sight and not losing that....

[LancsLad]

I can relate to what you are saying in a number of ways.

 

The easiest way for me to explain this in my own life is by using the context of me being a designer though this approach transcends other aspects of my life. I am a qualifed Landscape Architect as well as a Garden Designer and I have found that I often approach very large scale project concepts firstly from an emotional viewpoint in trying to get a very strong feeling for what the big picture will eventually feel like. I like to give my projects names and write up my feelings in very emotive ways as starting points and for future reference. If I can't get this emotional hook into a project I know it will go nowhere.

 

As someone with AS a massive bonus for me as a designer was when computer aided design (CAD) came onto the scene. CAD was the first tool which allowed me to have one idea on a digital sheet of paper and be able to move around it and zoom in and out at will being able to focus on the details. Up to that point designing had meant a number of different pieces of paper and this was difficult for me though not impossible. Only being able to focus on one piece of paper at a time was a problem in my life as a whole.

 

What I find as someone with AS and this is both a strength and a weakness is that I can easily get really focused on trying to sort out the most minute details and I need to be able to zoom back out frequently to see how my ideas are fitting into the big picture before zooming back in again. By having the discipline to work in this way I have found myself to be pretty unique amongst my peers. I have found that people generally are good at seeing a bigger picture but fail to grasp the importance of details. Another profile is with individuals wanting to only ever work in limited areas and not wanting to understand how this impacts on the greater scheme of things. Whilst I do not find moving through scales difficult people are highly suspicious of my professional abilities which I firmly put down to AS.

 

I think important point is that I suspect like me you are naturally drawn into details and addressing imediate concerns whatever they may be, this is a good trait as I find I am far more conciencious than most. I think the trick is that when you decide on a long term project/goal is to record that down in a very strong way and by this I mean throw in lots of emotion as you will need that to fall back on as a reference point. I use a number of methods ranging from a daily diary, note books both physical and digital. Coloured cards which lie around my desk through to magnetic and marker boards in my office space. In the past I have even made collages using magazine photographs to express the type of person I would want to be in a years time or so and what I would like to be doing. I know that my own emotions run hot and cold and when i get good ideas about a bigger picture thing then I know it is the time not to try and find an answer but to lock that initial energy into something of a solid starting point, its like cathcing all that energy and encapsulating it into a glass block which I can come back to time an time again to have a look at and to refresh me.

 

One tool which i do find usefull as a second stage is to mind map out potential areas which I might want to explore. Personally I use 'Inspiration 8' mind mapping software. Once I have got to this stage with an idea either for design or as a personal life project I can relax as I then know there is no danger of loosing the bigger picture when the inevitable happens and I will get drawn into the details of executing the thing. I also know that if life events come along to know me off track then it will not be a disaster. One good example in my life is depresive cycles. Over a period of time i can be working well through a project and then enter a period of deep depression for a few weeks. In that time I have no interest in the project concerned and often no recolection of where I am up to, to be honest I struggle to feed myself and get dressed some days. I purposfully don't toch it as It tends to be a waste of effort as I am no where near my best and as a perfectionist I will only reject any attemps later on. When I start to come out of the depression I then turn to the emotional stuff first and revisit it to relight the fire so to speak. Once this happen things come back together pretty clearly.

 

I think that recognising the issues is a great step to take, don't see one side as a weakness rather the other is a strength as I said there are very few people I come across who have a balanced approach. The next stage I believe is being proactive in recording what it is you want to achieve in a very meaninful way and dont be embarased about doing this. As a creative individual this is part on my make up but I have found many NT's who i have professionaly managed to be very poor at expressing themselves in a constructive and emotional way, very good at getting emotionally unconstructive but not the other way around. This takes practice and time in finding methods that work for you but it is a skill that can be learn't and developed like any other. Once you learn how to record the big picture it is a very liberating in my experience as it allows us Aspies the freedom to do what we are really good at in my experience and that is focusing on the details with a clear mind and buld things be they projects or aspects of our lives.

 

Hope these thoughts help a little as I said at the start can see where you are coming from as I also had a weakness in these 'executive' skills as i have seen them refered to in books. I have always been driven to change my weaknesses into my strengths, I might not ever get that far but by bringing them up to a reasonable level I have found it has empowered my real strengths in many aspects of my life.

 

Best wishes.

[darkshine]

Wow - you said lots!

 

Its really interesting to see the difference between a more successful strategy for overcoming weakness and then there's me, as an example of being bogged down by my weaknesses.

 

This is another topic that's really important to me - because it's a key part of why I've not advanced very far in my adult life (irritatingly there are also many many more factors to do with this - but forgetting is a part of it) I'm trying to work out ways of fixing this huge list of issues I have so that I don't have a huge list of issues - but a more balanced one

 

We have quite a few similarities (depressive cycles, attention to detail, being good at focusing on the small parts of things, perfectionism, conscientiousness in certain things we do, emotions running hot and cold). It gives me hope though because you clearly found ways to minimise negative effects from some of these, and to cope, and to find ways of doing the things I haven't worked out how to do yet...

 

Thank you for all the tips - I have the inspiration software somewhere (cannot remember what version) but I lost the manual and I've not got the patience to sit and work it out without some tips on how to use it (someone mentioned to me before - I really should look and see if they do an online pdf version one of these days).

 

I used to keep journals for writing in - anything from daily gripes, to plans, and some thoughts about things - I stopped doing it a few years ago - I occasionally write on a scrap of paper, but not in the same way. I stopped because I bored myself going on and on with nothing happening... Maybe I should start again in a more proactive way.

 

I thought of trying to work things out backwards - like find an end goal, and then work it out backwards to see what I'd have to do to get to he end goal - the last thing I tried it with was maybe too unrealistic or hard and I felt that it was impossible and gave up

 

I will think about how I can use some of your suggestions because as you point out - by having those visual reminders - or mindmaps stored somewhere safe - there's always that reminder of the mood you were in at the time - so even if that gets forgotten there's the visual and stored data there as a brilliant reminder - I think I can use that principle - I really am gonna have to dig out inspiration... I should have done it last time someone on here mentioned it as being really useful.

 

Best

 

Darkshine

[LancsLad]

Darkshine a key point in this for me is understanding that I am made up of different parts and not simply defined by one. There are my autistic traits which are very strong, my skills some of which come naturaly but most have been developed through a desire to improve them on a regular basis, there are negative components like my depression, but most importantly there is my personality.

 

What I think is really important is that it is my personality which is in the driving seat of my life journey and that I get the choice as to where I am going. At times getting depressed can take control over my life vehicle, it is important that I know this is about to happen and I make sure it is parked up in a safe place and I hide the keys so it can't take me to places I don't want to go. The realities of AS can also be a very big distraction in some cases I have to significantly slow down the vehicle as concentrating on the road is difficult. At other times it is like having a couple of kids having tantrums on the back seat, I know a good strategy here is to pull over at a motorway service station and feed them or go to a park for a bit to let off steam. Eventually however we will be in a position to start the vehicle up again and be on our way with my personality back in charge.

 

I think there are lots of good ideas which you can take with you into your vehicle which I would relate to as having a set of maps but you have to learn to be a map reader and this takes a bit of practice and inevitably will include going down a few dead ends and getting a little bit lost from time to time. The place to practice map reading is close to your home environment which feels more secure and if you have to stop and ask for directions you are more likely to recognise places in the description. Personally I have never been one to hand over responsibility for my life to doctors, therapists or councelors. I have listend to them and taken on things they have said before setting out on new journeys but I have been wary of treating them like a satelite navigation system telling me where to go as I understand that this is simply a black box it is not in charge of the steering wheel or more importantly the accelerator and brakes.

 

You raise the point that do you take on things which are too big. In my experience if you can drive the vehicle and have a good understanding of map reading you can go anywhere. And this is where I go back to my first point of making it starting points really emotional and locking these emotions in. I know every time I undertake a project it is like a life journey and it will be fraught with issues and be highly stressfull. I often think what is the point of even starting, the answer is there is no point unless there is a really good destination I can get to. I think of this destination like a holiday venue for my personality. I am really selfish as an individual and to be honest am not interested in driving someone elses vehicle for them, I am also not interested in going to places because other people tell me they are interesting I have done this before an in most cases they are really boring. All this approach lets me do is join in shallow conversations which might be ok at the time but are not very satisfying deep down.

 

The key to getting to these great places in my experience is to get to know your personality really well and then strengthen it. Things like my daily diaries play a key role in this respect. You also need to give your personality room to breathe and dream. At the start of this post I said I believe our personalities are in many ways seperable from our autistic sides if we see it that way. For example part of my personality likes to stand in front of people and give talks, my autistic side hates this with a vengence for good reason and can come up with any number of valid reasons not to do so. If you really want to get to the destination then my experience is go for it. If someone asks me to be a speaker at an event next week i will say no, I might not get there in that time. If it is in a few months I will often agree. I will make sure I have something on standby like a slide show as my AS side might decide to have a tantrum on the back seat and throw in a panick attack, but we can pull over then get going again. The important thing is public speaking is something my personality wants to do and he deserves the chance to have his moments as well.

 

Without strong emotional reasons it is so easy to give in to my AS driven anxieties. My experience has been that the more i have taken on the more resigned my autistic side is to the inevitable consequence to get into the car we are off again. With experience I am more and more able to keep my personality firmly in the driving seat, and two years ago my diagnossis for AS was a real revelation as it firmly told my personality side that my AS side hade some really valuable skills and traits that I should recognise and the best thing to do was to give him lots of jobs to do and be a back seat expert.

 

My latest project which will take me a few years to achieve is to qualify for the Triathlon Ironman World Championships in Kona Hawaii. This was a dream from many years ago held by my personality side. It is quite simple really all I want to do is cross the finishing line and have a native flower garland around my neck, smile a quiet inward smile and embrace my partner and son. The hard part is getting there. The starting point for the project is all about emotions and these emotions are written down as screen savers on my computer, posters etc..... The reality is a daily training regime in which my autistic side plays a massive part in producing charts and plans, logging data, analysis of diet etc.....

For a lot of the time these days I can even leave my AS side in the driving seat but he does have a tendancy to crash the car from time to time, my bodywork has the scars to prove it. When this happens my personality polietly asks him to budge over into the passenger seat and retakes control. He often has to do so by restarting the ignition by going back to all the emotional stuff about where we are going in the first place then we carry on down the road a little bit further bit by bit.

 

When I was younger I had a really strong 'belief' in my skills, tenacity and resiliance, as I have matured that belief has started to transform into something more powerful and that is a 'faith' in myself. The difference was that in the past I fought against my AS side though it didn't carry a label, today I have have learn't to embrace it as part of the equation though not as the leader that is the role for my personality.

 

Darkshine hope this adds to the post, I have found it to be worthwhile in its writting, simply food for thought,

 

best wishes.

[darkshine]

I'd just like to say thanks for your post (yes its took me an age to reply, but I had to read it a few times to get to grips with the car/driving analogy). I liked the bit about your AS having a tantrum in the back seat

 

Good luck with your Ironman attempt - I've seen the programme a few times, and the world's strongest man series - they have some pretty hardcore challenges of strength and stamina - pretty impressive - what always stands out to me is the ones who believe they can do well, often do, so strength of mind is obviously a key part too.

 

You've given me plenty to think about

 

Best

 

Darkshine

[littleplum]

Does anyone else come up with ideas of how to make things better - or life goals or whatever - only to forget about the ideas, plans or solutions when it comes to the daily living of life?

 

Hi Darkshine,

 

I tend to keep long term goals in the back of my mind and eventually an opportunity to do them arises. I am a great believer in timing, so don't beat yourself up for not following through with those larger objectives straightaway. If you want something badly enough, somehow you will make it happen.

 

Of course, as you say, the little things of daily life can get in the way. What I find useful is to have a list of things I need to do each day. This list is on my computer so if I don't achieve a particular task I just postpone it until the next day.

 

You can get a real sense of achievement by doing even small tasks, like sorting out your sock drawer or oiling a squeaky hinge. That sense of achievement can then motivate you to do something about those bigger ideas.

 

The first and most important task of the day is to get out of bed. Once that's done (and I don't underestimate how hard that can be sometimes), the day is made up of a series of small steps, one foot in front of the other. (Sorry if that sounds silly, I am writing metaphorically, or trying to. )

[darkshine]

Hey

 

Nope not silly at all - and I just happened to have oiled a sqeaky hinge the other day and I did my sock drawer last week that is so weird that you chose those examples

 

You ever get to the point sometimes where you say "I tried that and it didn't work"?? Even when it did work, so you don't do something just cuz of some stupid set of reasons.... I used to do lists for things that needed doing, and I too used to allow leeway if necessary... Maybe its time I stopped with my stupid reasons on that idea, and try it again

 

More and more I am getting the feeling that I'm gonna have to just go with what's happening now, and worry about what comes after, a little later on... This is very difficult, but everyone I've spoken to has said similar things... I guess I worry too much, and with some of my character traits it is hard to just see what happens, but I think for now, that is what I'm going to have to do, because I can't make plans until I've nearly finished studying.

 

Right then... so what do I do for the next year?