I'm such a rubbish waitress

[Juno20]

I have recently started a part time job at a pub, due to the fact that my business has been slow to kick off.

 

I have found this really stressfull as I am waitressing and having to approach and talk to lots of people. At first I thought it was just that it was new to me and I hadn't learned what things to say but when I look at how the other staff interact with the customers it makes me feel so useless and freakish. They can just chat and laugh and start conversations with people and seem to manage to actually find out stuff about the customers they are dealing with, where as I literally have a set of rehearsed phrases or lines that I will give when asking for orders and taking stuff away etc. If people complain about anything it really upsets me as I feel like its personal, even though I know it can't be.

 

We are supposed to get customers to fill out questionnaires on how we did but I have so far not managed this as I just can't connect with my customers and therefore they have no desire to report back on what I was like. My managers keep telling me I have had no questionnaires and must try harder but I am just too shy to ask people to do it, especially when I know that I will have made absolutely no impression on them.

 

I still don't have a diagnosis as my GP never referred me, even though he said he would, but I am too scared to go back and ask again. But going back to working for someone again has really made me realise how ###### I am at normal social interaction which makes me feel so abnormal and I'm certain it's not just that I'm a shy person. I also have problems with the background noise of the pub and can't hear people's voices over it, and find that because I have worked out my own routine on how to do all my tables it really muddles me and makes me quite angry if someone interrupts me or asks me to do something else. I have taken to drinking before I go in because it makes me feel a little less nervous and awkward when I'm there but obviously this is stupid and I should be able to manage just fine!

 

I run my own business as a dog groomer, as I am a bit of a dog expert and find it extremely easy to talk to my customers and advise them about their pets, and I had honestly all but forgotten how painfully shy I am when it Comes to meeting new people when I have nothing in common with them.

 

Do you think I should go back to the GP again or will having a diagnosis make no difference to me?

[LancsLad]

Juno on one level having a diagnosis will make no difference to you, I have AS and there is no cure I know it is a developmental condition I have in my brain, I always have had it and always will. You could go down the line and get a positive diagnosis and you would be in this position.

 

On an emotional level you have to come to your own conclusions and I feel really understand your background motives would having a diagnosis make a difference at an emotional level yes sure it will for a time.

 

You are I guess very perceptive and your post reflects on the fact you think others have a different approach to being a waitress. Who is right and who is wrong. One summer whilst at university I got a job in a very busy town centre bar. After a few days I convinced the owner to let go of some of the staff as there was not much space behind the bar and we went from 7 staff to 4. Two of the staff were very sociable and well liked by some customers, me and another guy Steve were the powerhouse of the system dealing with multiple orders 2 or 3 customer groups at a time, made a real art out of it, and were equally as popular but for different reasons. We were on a bonus scheme based on till takings and earned over three times the wage of the other two. We were all happy in our roles respected what we brought to the bar and turned it into the number one spot to go to that summer.

 

The point I am making here is we are all unique and can bring different things even into a similar scenario. I for one would want to draw your attention as I suspect I would have a belief you might be more accurate with your order, be efficient and look after me more. This does not make you better as a person inmy eyes just different and possibly a personal choice. What is important for all of us is that we accept ourselves for who we are, recognise our strengths and weaknesses and lead fulfilling lives. We are in a society which tells us how we should look, the clothes we should wear, what we should buy, is it now saying this is the ideal person we should be, I hope not.

 

Diagnosis or not we all have to work on being comfortable with ourselves as individuals. What I would advise about going for a diagnosis do some background research first and find out about all the good things which can come with the condition. Given the choice to have AS or not to have AS I would without a seconds thought have the condition, because I like being different and individualistic. If you enter into this process from a negative position I can not see the point. What are you trying to prove that you have no value and now you know you don't, thats not fair!

 

Juno you could have written this post from the perspective I run my own business as a dog groomer which requires all these positive skills, and listed them. I now work as a waitress and also have a lot of similar positive skills but my social interaction might not be up to the same relaxed level as my work colleauges. My GP once suggested that I........ From this perspective you could move towards a diagnosis recognising your weaker areas but wanting to find reasons why you are good at the things you do. This was how diagnosis was for me. I came to a point where I thought why can I be so very good at many things in my life, someone who other people look up to for direction, but at the same time I can be so anxious and have low self esteem and at times get depressed when everything is going great on the surface. The point I was making it was the dilema between these great contrast in my life which provided the initial drive to the process.

 

Likewise Juno your life might have a lot of contrast in it, you might want to leave it at that a life of contrasts and find the value in it. You might want to find out more and do some research there are excellent books out there now. Another step could be to seek a diagnosis but do so for positive reasons. My experience post diagnosis is its all about going full circle and getting back to living your life, the difference being I have a bit more insight and as a result I am a bit less harsh on myself these days but I am getting older and I am sure that is a factor as well.

 

best wishes in whatever you decide and remeber your my waitress of choice.

[A-S warrior]

dont be upset when pepole complain, there not angry at you, there angry at the establisment so dont take it personaly. i disagree with the lancslad, a diagnosis would be a huge benifit to you. you can explain to your boss why you behave a certain way in certain situations, and he cant fire you because thats discrimination. to me as an asperger "sufferer" (my topic in the introductions section sums up how i feel about it check it out) as far as i see it you sound classic aspergers. i worked in a night club and had the same problems as you. the problem is we see things as they actully are very black and white, the average joe on the street sees things in a very colourful way. thats why we have such a problem understanding what the hell there on about and vice versa. as far as being the best waitress you can be you have to play a character, lets say if your name is kate, you go to work and become stephanie the waitress the girl that likes to smile and make customers happy. its easier than you might think! good luck :-)