robert7111a Report post Posted May 15, 2012 Some of you may remember from previous posts that I only recently discovered most of my problems in life were down to Aspergers. It was unheard of during my childhood and although I knew I was different, I never knew why. Over the past few months, I did a lot of research and made up my own little "black book" of what to look for and "how to be NT"...or rather, trying to be NT. It was my own little "private rule book" that I could carry around, use for reference, keep as a diary and learn from others. The problem is now I have lost it... I have hardly lost anything in my whole life (apart from girls) and I just don't know how to describe what I feel. I know "its only a book" but I spent a lot of time and effort on it and the thought of having to do it all again feels me with dread. Some things I won't even remember. It has helped me more to "survive". I feel really lost now and don't know what to do. I cannot remember when I had it last and have looked everywhere for it. I don't suspect anyone has taken it (why would they?) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LancsLad Report post Posted May 15, 2012 Robert I can fully understand what the effect will be like on you. From experience I know that often there is so much anxiety around that being able to work out where it may be is almost impossible. I think there is a danger here that you look frantically and then convince yourself that you have looked everywhere when in reality your mind is not looking at all. I have done this and when my mind has been clear I have not gone back to the right place because I believed I had searched there fully. My advice is it is an important item, however it is not critical in that you can carry on without it for a few days. It may be the case that you stumble across it or suddenly its location comes to you. If this does not happen then set some time asside at the weekend for a good search possibly with another person helping you to keep things emotionally stable. let us know if it turns up! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pabs Report post Posted May 15, 2012 sorry you lost your book mate hope you can find it. i think lancslad is right the more you seem to look the harder it is to find. i read this on the net recently it as lists of things that you may find helpful. if you are unable to find it [fingers crossed you will though] it covers things like eye contact and body language also worrying. http://www.autismusundcomputer.de/english//marc2.en.html Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
robert7111a Report post Posted May 16, 2012 Thanks guys. I spent a week not looking in the hope that my mind would clear and I would magically remember...no such luck. Cheers Pabs for the link, will try tonight. Yes my book was the start of a good survival guide including body language etc which I find difficult to understand at times Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted May 16, 2012 (edited) I hate losing things, I once spent a fortnight ripping the house apart looking for some books that described and event in my life and something happened that made me need the books suddenly - I went mental basically trying to find them, I felt very much like I'd lost something so vital that it couldn't be replaced ever... I found them in the loft totally forgot I put them there... Small books are worst as they can slide behind things or get buried in paperwork and stuff. I have 3 approaches. 1 - go nuts (not helpful as the mess made makes things harder to find) 2 - wait for my mind to tell me 3 - a through and methodical search of everywhere (and I mean everywhere - it takes a lot of time). The other day I lost my wallet and I really couldn't remember where it was - I knew that I had it at home - but that was all I knew - I did options 2 and 3 to no avail - I lost my temper and went to launch the mattress on my bed and the wallet fell to the floor just shows I didn't do option 3 properly Failing that - I guess you could bite the bullet and start again - maybe you could write a better version Edited May 16, 2012 by darkshine Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pabs Report post Posted May 16, 2012 hiya robert found a couple of things on youtube there a little long but they are not boring the first 50 mins of Alan Pease is really informative i started to lose interest after that, information overload i think . http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aw36-ByXuMw&feature=related the second one is fine its not studio based and and it holds the attention easier http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQENwD-QlRA&feature=related Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
robert7111a Report post Posted May 17, 2012 Thanks for the link pabs. Darkshine. Yes I went nuts first of all. I felt the inside of my head was at war. Fortunately I did not outwardly express my frustration much. Every day, I look somewhere different. Tonight, it's another of my places of work...tomorrow it's the car. I have however bitten the bullet and started again. But will I remember all the little snippets I've written (i.e. my experiences)? It will never be the same again Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted May 17, 2012 Strategy is a big part of searching - I would say continue to search in a calm manner and not too often or for too long. In the mean time starting again is as good an idea as any - no, it will never be the same - but maybe your skills have changed slightly without you knowing - maybe certain things you remember without the book... But just because the new book will never be the old one - it doesn't mean it can't be better,maybe you could find a positive spin somewhere.... and before you joined here (if you'd have lost the book) you would have only had yourself - now you could utilise having loads of other brains to help you - I know I would help if you if you wanted it and I'm sure others might help you and give you new ideas - or remind you of previous ideas Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
robert7111a Report post Posted May 17, 2012 I started my book before knowing about this forum so yes, I can now learn from you all. But I will never remember everything so will still need a handy reference. As I don't have friends to go out with, I have fewer situations in which to feel awkward. I also see a lot of children with ASD and AS in my job which enables me to learn and connect with them/their parents better. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted May 17, 2012 It would be hard to remember everything - but you might think of a fair amount - and people on here could advise about certain situations and I guess you could find out new things that could make the new version good in its own way (like a positive slant on improving what you had before) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
robert7111a Report post Posted May 18, 2012 Yes one thing I really need to work at and learn is interpreting non-verbal BL so any advice from you guys would be appreciated. I understand skilful observation is the key and I really try to make the effort at work - but do not know if I am overdoing things as I have no ally to tell me. This includes staring at strangers for too long and wonder why I get dirty looks. Is it because my face looks ugly or I stare at people for perhaps up to 4-5 seconds? Is this too long? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted May 19, 2012 The subject of non-verbal body language is pretty broad - but staring seems a good place to start - I get dirty looks too sometimes, I've been told that this is because I look at people too long and that I look at them too intensely (not sure I agree with that) but it might explain the dirty looks. The thing is I quite often forget that it's rude when I see something that I want to continue watching - my attention gets diverted by certain situations and not only do I end up staring at someone - but I also forget I'm supposed to be paying attention to what is happening in my immediate surroundings (say if I'm with some people or supposed to be concentrating on a task). Your face isn't ugly but maybe you look at people in the intense way I am accused of - I think 3 seconds would be a max time to stare if people are aware you are looking. I've found that I can watch for much longer times when people are busy and unaware of me looking. They don't seem to understand that I am not thinking bad things about them or laughing at them - I am just watching to see what people are doing and stuff like that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
robert7111a Report post Posted May 20, 2012 Thank you to everybody...the good news is...I have now FOUND my book -- yahay! I happened to be out with my camera yesterday and it was at the bottom of my camera bag. I can now move on and continue where I left off. And incidently, non-verbal language was the last thing in the book I started to research. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted May 20, 2012 That's excellent news I bet you are relieved Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
robert7111a Report post Posted May 20, 2012 Darkshine. Relieved is an understatement...it's like losing a part of me...just that I'm losing my marbles instead lol Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted May 20, 2012 Ah well, you win some lose some, maybe you'll find some more marbles I know how it feels mate - its worse than losing an arm or something else completely out of proportion - and yes, relief is an understatement Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sa Skimrande Report post Posted June 20, 2012 I also carry a little black book, it's always black although other colours are available, but mine is full of designs for things to make and lists. Body language will be forever a problem to me, but I have learned to discern when my doctor is not listening to me and I tell him what I have learned about eye dilation and how it corresponds the the lights are on but nobody is home situation, he's listening but not interested. When I go out my friends aware of my problems do tell me if I am going a bit too far and the dancers I socialise with, well they know me, but it is refreshing, the dancers all women say they feel one hundred percent safe with me around that is, I am not perceived as a threat and predatory males keep clear when I am amongst my friends.Sometimes I perceive myself as the harem eunuch but am not sure whether that is a good thing or a bad thing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted June 20, 2012 A harem eunuch eh? Now that's an interesting idea.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites