Starting a conversation with a stranger

[RYOUNG78]

Any advice on how you start a conversation with somebody you do not know but see on a regular basis on a train journey, or is this not a good idea?

[chris54]

Well the classic way is to comment on the weather. Or talk about work or something fairly neutral.

Should you? I don't see why not. But don't be to disappointed if you don't get anywhere.

[robert7111a]

Depends. Does the person look approachable or are they engrossed in a book/on their mobile phone? Maybe try a little smalltalk and guage the other person's reaction. If they are interested, they will show it - conversely if they are not interested, don't bother. Start with an appropriate subject...perhaps the train is late/delayed...you could start by commenting on that.

[Sally44]

Where are you hoping any 'conversation' would lead to?

Are you just wishing to exchange some pleasant banter in the mornings, or are you hoping to move it on to asking for a date??

[LancsLad]

My advice would be say whatever you want when you want as long as it is not offensive to the person concerned or anyone else. What they do in return is a reflection on themselves not on you be it positive or negative.

 

There are times when we see people on a regular basis and it feels really strange to me that we fail to communicate with each other as human beings. If you look at groups of other mammals they are communicating all the time. We do so in non verbal ways a lot through body language, but having the gift of speech and not using it seems like a massive step backwards to me.

 

I am not a very sociable person and am not really interested in complex relationships. However I find the small interactions with people I might see in places such as petrol stations, supermarket checkouts, security staff, gym desk etc... to be important and significant in my life to the point I know most peoples names because i ask. I find it comforting to say to them "good morning 'ryoung78' how are things going" for them to smile back and say "fine, how about you". I some ways such conversations have little meaning but they do make me feel part of the human race and they do not take much effort on my part.

 

Just my own thoughts.

[RYOUNG78]

Just to exchange some pleasant banter. She has smiled at me a few times on the train. It wouldn't lead to anything else I am married.

[Dijac]

Hi,

 

I read somewhere the other day that the more people we speak to, the more luck we have - just in the fact that we have more acquaintances. After I thought about it, I realised that my brother (who is now a taxi driver) has always been able to chat to who ever - and when he needs something, he always seems to know someone, who knows someone, who can help etc.

 

And as Lancslad said, just feeling as you are part of society is quite nice.

 

Diane

[chris54]

When I was commuting, I got on the same train with the same people for years and hardly anyone ever said anything to anyone.

[darkshine]

I've had some random conversations with people on trains - but not trains I use where I live - only on journey's away from home - anything from architecture, railway buildings, the coal mining industry, and even one about why people don't talk on trains, that one was fun because this young woman came and sat near me and said "I haven't seen you before" so I told her how I was on a summer school course and that I was studying social psychology and she asked me what I thought about London and I said what I thought and she was really interested (cuz she said so lol) and wanted to know more and more and then as I talked about how the people on the trains acted more people started leaning in to listen and some were nodding when I said that its weird that there's so many people but hardly any of them talk even when they see each other and that seems weird - and the ways people close themselves off using papers or technology to insulate themselves and as well as not talking they also pay no attention to some of the excellent scenery outside the train - even though I can be quite anti-social - I still think its nicer when people are friendly than when they make you feel a target or invisible. That was fun cuz the people seemed to want to hear me rattle on about why I thought they were weird - people don't usually like hearing that but they did - maybe I was a break from the norm for them but it shows how you can say the oddest things sometimes and people sometimes like that - I don't like the usual scripts very much.

 

Yet I don't do this near home - cuz if it went wrong I might have to see them again

[chris54]

There wasn't much scenery to look at on my train journeys I did, London Underground, and not much technology, the Walkman was just about coming onto the market when I stopped commuting by train. And the broadsheets were a right pain. Most of the time you spent trying not to look into the eyes of the person who had their face about 2 inches from yours.

[RYOUNG78]

What does it mean if a total stranger smiles at you ?

[robert7111a]

Maybe that person is being polite. I do it sometimes to strangers and either get smiles back or dirty looks as though I'm wierd. Perhaps that stranger is just feeling good that day and I would reciprocate

[Sally44]

This reminded me of an incident with my son on a train some years ago.

 

There were two lads, about 19, and they were humming a tune. My son started humming the tune with them and singing the words [without even turning or looking at them]. I think it was something like the theme tune from a TV programme. They were slightly amused, and so changed their tune - and my son joined in on the same tune. Then it became a bit of a competition to see if they could hum a tune from TV/film that he did not recognise - but they failed. Impressed, the teenagers gave my son a 'high five' telling him he was awesome.

 

I'm afraid that i'm more of a night owl than an early bird. I don't make early morning conversation. I'm still in shock from waking up.