Charlie C Report post Posted July 28, 2012 (edited) I'm known this person since I was 13 because basically we were both social outcasts at school and formed a very strong friendship between ourselves, we have been nearly inseparable since then apart from some transitional stage after leaving sixth form, we both lost touched for a while until I received a phone call from a police officer asking if my friend could stop at mine because otherwise he was going to be remanded to jail because he was homeless, I said yes he could until he went to court and got it sorted. Being honest I was happy for the company. We had a ###### good time while he was on bail drinking, recreational smoking, eg, He was very respectful and considerate towards me and my house and I enjoyed him around, we had a good time together. I went to court with him and surprising he got sent down for three months for assault. I missed him so when he got released I was happy to let him stop on my couch again. The drinking started again and this is when things spiraled out of control. Things got bad with the drinking, we would fight, make friends again, fight, things escalated to the point were we are both stealing crates of beer, getting drunk, fighting, causing a nuisance to my neighbours shouting at each other on my lawn, I was in a council house so I was at rick of losing my house. At this point I was in serious trouble with the shoplifting I was looking at going to jail, we both were. He got sent down while I got a alcohol treatment order, I was lucky. I need some advice....... He's back out of prison now and I've meet up with him today, I've stopped the drinking, moved house and am settled in a new supported living house. He face-booked me and we met up and we still have that spark together, He starting talking about having a drink together again when we both have some money and I stupidly agreed and I feel bad now, I really want to drink with him but can I control it this time, I don't think so. Do you think this is now a toxic friendship or can we save it? I could give him a ultimatum and say if you carry on drinking we can't be friends, but I'm scared of losing our friendship, but now I have so much to lose.,.... sorry for waffling. Edited July 28, 2012 by Charlie C Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
robert7111a Report post Posted July 29, 2012 If this friend has a serious drink problem resulting in the both of you getting into trouble, then losing the friendship is perhaps not a bad idea. I get the sense that he is using you and you will get into more trouble at your own expense Your friend really needs to go into rehab (probably residential) and although it is painful, I think you should cut your losses now - otherwise you might not be given a second chance and end up in jail Alcoholics take no notice of ultimations: all they are interested in is where their next drink is coming from: they are addicted. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted July 29, 2012 i agree with robert, I've had alcoholic friends both on and off the spectrum. In the end i told 1 of them to 'stay sober for 3 months then we can be friends again', he hasnt managed to do this yet and thats about 6 years ago. i am better off without him as he's a toxic friend. He has lost his home support and i really wish he would get help. There are some people that arent worth having in my life now matter how much i wish to help them. it has taken years of building myself up from breakdowns to realsie that. i would let him know that you meant agreeing to a drink in a (non alcoholic location) before agreeing to meet with him. If he really is your friend he will respect your choice to stay on the straight and narrow. This forum will be there for you no matter what his reaction. Good luck. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie C Report post Posted August 2, 2012 I ended up seeing my friend today and sadly he's back on the drink so it looks like our friendship is over. Thank you both for the advice. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
robert7111a Report post Posted August 2, 2012 HTH Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted August 2, 2012 Shame he hadnt give up the drink like you but pleased you managed to walk away, pleased we could help you. Hope you find some friends on here :-) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie C Report post Posted August 2, 2012 It was hard because we had loads of good times and found memories together and I miss those times but we couldn't carry on the way we were going. He's my best friend and I'm feeling a loss at the moment but its for the best that I keep away from him, I think I miss the excitement we had togather. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
trekster Report post Posted August 4, 2012 I used to be messed around by an autistic alcoholic who eventually became so dependent on me that he used to text and ring me at all hours on my phone. In the end his housing officer (who later became mine) had to tell him "leave Alexis alone or loose your home" after swearing at me for the last time via text he did (leave me alone) and since then he's only contacted me once. The weird thing is I used to miss him but I dont anymore because I realised there are some folks that you can't help no matter how hard you try. At one point I asked him if the same environment minus the alcohol was constructed and he didn't have to interact with anyone would he go there? His answer was 'no' even if there was something else to help him sleep and knock him out. I went to a concert with him but he wanted to drive off and leave me after we agreed to go together stay overnight then come back the next day. I managed to talk him out of leaving me on my own there. He had talked me out of taking the coach as well! On the way back we had to pull into a service station so I could give him an hour to sleep. Another friend also autistic went with me to a concert after this ex friend let me down last minute. He went giggly and a bit loud but nothing as serious as going home without me (we caught the train together). He did put some malt vinegar on my chips though (when I asked him not to) but didn't try and drastically change the plan once we were there. If being away from him means you can stay on the 'straight and narrow' then you have made the right decision. Autism West Midlands might have some social opportunities for you to explore. http://www.autismwestmidlands.org.uk/content/689073/community_services/support_groups/full_list_of_support_groups/#Birmingham I also know of a group that is run by an asperger called ASPIE http://www.aspie.org.uk/ they have a lovely drop in centre. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
