Thought it was going too well!!!

[carolinew]

My 12 year old daughter is a newly diagnosed asperger. We have been fighting for diagnosis since she was 7. Fought to get her into small secindary school. Went to first parents evening last week,said she was handling things well and keeping up in the middle stream. Came home from work today to find letter in the post informing us that they are moving haer down to the bottom stream from september!!! It has taken alot of hard work to get her to settle into this new school and now feel as though we are back to square one. Sophie feels a total failure and is now going to spend the summer holidays with lots of anxiety worrying about new class. School don't seem to understand the emotional side of things. I just feel totaly bewildered

[Kathryn]

Hi Caroline,

 

<'>

 

I'm sorry to hear this. I hope you get a chance to discuss this with the school before they break up for the holidays - lousy timing . The decision in itself is questionable and it has been communicated badly - why did nobody discuss it with you beforehand? It seems that they have no understanding of AS - even an NT child would struggle in such a situation.

 

K

[carolinew]

Hi Kathryn

 

 

 

I asked for meeting before they break up from school on wednesday and they said no chance,too busy!!! I agree with you,they seem to have no understanding of the self esteem issue here. The summer holidays are now going to be taken up with trying to reassure sophie that its not because she's a failure,not easy to explain when i don't understand the reasoning behind it myself

[lil_me]

Maybe reassuring her that it will be ok (I know you don't know that but little white lies sometimes don't hurt) and that you will be discussing it with the teachers as soon as they return

 

I think I would demand to see them before the end of term myself, stand and wait until school finishes and refuse to go home until they have listened to your opinions, maybe I'm a bit stubborn

[witsend]

Hi carolinew - yeah I'm inclined to agree with lil me why should you have to stew about this all summer when they have chosen to tell you now! Like you say they haven't thought about the self esteem emotional aspect to this at all. Our kids often feel failures even when they're not and to be given what they see as 'confirmation' of this is potentially devastating for them and it's you that has to pick up the pieces and convince them (yet again) of their own worth. Sorry to rant but it makes me so cross I think they should have spoken to you and your daughter prior to making such a desiscion and I know it's hassle you don't need but I'd have to go into school and make that point before I could rest.

Good luck - stay strong - Witsend.

[bid]

The school has obviously handled this badly, but it could be that they feel she will gain more confidence if she is at the top of the lower set rather than finding things difficult in the middle set.

 

My NT daughter's teacher decided, in consultation with us, that she would do better in the middle Maths set for this reason, rather than constantly feeling stressed in the top set.

 

Perhaps you could talk to your daughter along these lines??

 

Good luck <'>

 

Bid

[lil_me]

bid-thats much better,the way it should be done, consultation to discuss rather than just a letter home some schools make me cross. Ours doesn't tend to get away with it, as the staff have found out, I don't leave them to decide things like that without speaking to me first

[Suze]

This has been handled badly, but just wondered if perhaps they had done this so there is more support for her. Usually the lower set will have at least on LSA present. They may have thought your daughter would benefit from this.

[lisa]

I've become very cynical about children being put into lower ability groups when they appeared to be doing ok in the group they were in. If she wasn't coping why did her teachers say that she was at the parents evening? Why was there no mention then of the possibility that she may cope better in a lower ability group? Does your daughter have LSA support?

 

Last year the school put my son in the bottom maths group (primary so within the class) solely so that they could use his LSA for the other children in that group. I have twins and J is far better at maths than his twin sister and yet she was in middle maths group and he was in bottom. It just didn't make sense. His half termly assessment scores were better than his sisters yet he was in a lower group. During his annual review the teacher was saying how well he was doing academically and that he was average or above average in all subjects. I then asked "why is he in bottom group then?" the teacher became all flustered and couldn't come up with a plausible answer!!! The following year the school split the whole year group according to ability for maths and literacy and surprise, surprise he was in middle group with lots of children who were in higher maths groups in his class being below him. He'd obviously made a miraculous improvement in maths over the summer holidays!!!

 

Hopefully this isn't the case with your daughter and they aren't trying to use her LSA for the lower ability groups. I agree that the school have handled this very badly and I'd probably make it very clear that this cannot be left until after the holidays, it needs to be dealt with now.

 

Lisa

[Kathryn]

This reminds me of a similar situation we were in with my daughter in year 10. She was due to write part of her science GCSE and three weeks before, we received a terse note saying she was to be entered for the foundation rather than the higher paper, which she had been working towards all along. Nobody had approached her about this, they had no doubt assumed dear old mum and dad would break the news and pick up the pieces. We knew this news would have had a devastating impact on her already very low self esteem, whatever the reasons behind it, and we thought she had every right to try the higher level as she was certainly capable. My husband was on the phone the next day to the school and I don't know what he said, but the head of science was hauled out of a lesson to sort it out! The decision was reversed.

[carolinew]

UPDATE!!!

wENT INTO SCHOOL THIS MORNING AND HAD LONG CHAT TO AENCO AND HEAD OF YEAR. THEY EXPLAINED THAT LOWER GROUP ONLY HAD 14 PUPILS IN IT SO MORE SUPPORT WOULD BE AVAILABLE (MY DAUGHTER IS IN THE PROCESS OF BEING STATEMENTED). I TOLD THEM THAT I WAS APPALLED AT THE WAY IT HAD ALL BEEN HANDLED AND THAT IN FUTURE I WANT A MEETING TO DISCUSS ANY CHANGES BEFORE A DECISION IS MADE. I THINK THEY REALISED THAT I WILL NOT BE PUT ON. I'VE FOUGHT FOR TOO LONG TO GET THIS FAR.

NOT SAID ANYTHING TO SOPHIE YET BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO RUIN HER HOLIDAY FROM SHOOL. WILL THINK A WEEK OR 2 TO DECIDE HOW BEST TO DO IT

THANKS FOR ALL YOUR ADVICE AND COMMENTS XXX