Pets, empathy and cruelty

[cuthbo]

Hi,

 

My daughter is 7 years old and has Asperger's syndrome. She is in mainstream school and doing ok, doesn't have many friends but isn't totally excluded by a long way. She loves most animals and would spend all day with them if she could. My challenge is, she has absolutely to understanding of what is fair to do with / to an animal. She doesn't have a concept of what might be cruel of not. She will frequently make toys ride on the back of the cat and sit on him to stop him escaping. She has carried our chickens round by one foot, plucked feathers and even given them a bath!

 

I have tried to explain to her so many times how that might make them feel, but it has little or no impact. We have resorted to long lists of rules, but unless I can think of everything you can do to an animal unfairly, she will always find something new. Any tips on how to handle this?

 

Thanks, Cuthbo

[Mannify]

Our son (he's 7 ) can be quite rough with our dog, although she takes it amazingly well, and they have a beautiful bond. But we did find that we had to keep saying, " If she does that, it means she doesn't like it", and we point out signs such as pulling her head away, or putting her tail down. It's still a work in progress, he still doesn't always get it right, but by repeating the signs that she's not happy, he is gradually coming to a better understanding of her, which I think in turn will help him with his interpersonal skills on some levels.

[Sally44]

It is a difficult one because it depends on the amount of 'imagination' you have to be able to put yourself into the animals shoes and imagine what your actions cause them to experience.

 

If you ask her "do you think that pulling out a feather hurts the chicken?" what would she reply?

 

My son does seem to get alot of this, which helps enormously. And what I would do, which I cannot really recommend other parents to try - is that if he did something like pull out a chickens feathers because he did not understand that it might hurt. I would pull out just one of his hairs from his head. And I know that would hurt himself because he is over sensitive. And having experienced that he would remember it and he is able to apply it.

 

So I wonder how your daughter is with registering pain. Does she have a high pain threshold? Or does it fluctuate. Or [as is the case with my son], if she is absorbed in doing something can she be so focused on that that she would not feel pain?

 

Because although I think alot of it is to do with imagination. I think it is also related to experience. And also sequencing events and predicting outcomes.

[Sally44]

But, as you say, it is hard to have to write up a complete lists of do's and don'ts - and sometimes that is what is needed.

 

And sometimes no matter what you try to do you may have to stop her getting access to these animals unsupervised.

 

And I know that supervising your child 24/7 is not easy. Our son decided yesterday to cut off his eyelashes! Not sure why, all he could say is that he thought they made him look like a girl. So you just do your best.

[dekra]

Does she follow the rules that you have written? If she is willing to follow the rules possibly you could change them, give a (short) list of the things she CAN do with the animals and expressly forbiD anything else.

 

I do fully understand your frustration. My son just doesn't get it either, luckily he has absolutely no interest in our cats. Previously he never had any interest in our dog but after losing the previous dog and not having one for almost a year he has taken an interest in the German Shepherd pup we got in September. She was tiny when we got her and he took little interest but as the weeks went on he has formed a bond with her. She is now 3/4 grown and they wrestle like mad, he does sometimes hurt her a bit but she tolerates so much from him, although I still tell him off. Also he winds her up, gets her excited and she ends up hurting him a little in the excitement. I refuse to give her a row for this as he is the one winding her up knowing how it will end, he does need to learn consequences. I am just working on her training so that she doesn't get so worked up. For all she is a young dog I do trust her with him as she is very protective of them and although he sleeps in our room when we go to bed at night she likes to check on the kids before she goes to bed. Their protective instincts and gentle patience was one of the reasons we chose the GSD as well as the sturdiness to cope with the rough and tumble of a child that doesn't know when enough is enough.

[cuthbo]

Hi, thanks for all your replies.

 

She is quite good at understanding that her actions might hurt the animals, she just doesn't seem to care that much some of the time. I think he pain threshold is fairly normal, she just has some difficultly understanding other animals have similar reactions to pain.

 

She is good at following rules. Maybe I just need to come up with a longer list, which she would relish anyway - Can't beat a long list of rules in her mind.

 

Thanks again..

[Sa Skimrande]

I loved animals when I was a kid and was reported as gentle with them but there was a point where I remember I was particularly cruel but that time coincided with losing my father and having no connection to my mother so perhaps expectable. And I got told at xmas my family had put my cat down six months previously and had not seen fit to tell me.