I don't know what I am

[Sa Skimrande]

Three years ago the first clue; AS and last year the second clue; 47, XXY, but nothing changes oh yes these things are named but that is all they are as there is no help with either and no understanding, another hidden disability. But this latest one is getting worse as I age, emotions flying all over the place at speeds I cannot handle and oh yes the dimorphism stuff, scientists have not got that one right, I am a male but a male with some female characteristics and I don't fit in anywhere. Oh sure I can hide, I am good at that, but this isn't a life, I am painfully aware and living on my own I am driving myself nuts, but I fear people and interaction with them mostly through failing to understand the basics of communication and the feeling that I am tolerated at best, because I don't fit in and things I would like to through a natural attraction in the past I could not explain, I can't because I am a male, British society is not the most understanding. Last year was my final attempt to appeal to the medical authorities to explain this, what I go through and I had to research myself to point them in the right direction, but it was a chest lump that made them wake up and take my suspicions seriously to which I was proved right but I don't have KS, so there is no help for the rapidly cycling moods and other weird stuff to put up with alongside what is attributed to AS, the original diagnosis.

 

But if anyone desires to know about it see ; http://www.genetic.org/Portals/0/Public/Docs/XXY%20FAQ%20-%20Rev%208-2-12.pdf

 

And notice the overlap with AS.

[darkshine]

Sa Skimrande - I don't have much to say on here these days compared to previous months, but your question pulls at me, I feel some of your energies and turmoil - for years and years of my life - the largest part in fact, I haven't had a clue about "what" I am.

 

It is a very difficult question to answer.

 

What am I?

 

I haven't got a clue.

 

But there are other questions - and I think an important one is "Who are you?" and you know some answers to that question, as I know some answers about myself. I can start lots of sentences about who I am, even if I take it down another level and begin with what I like, what interests me, what I am like, what's important to me, what some of my values are, what I believe, what matters to me, how I like to be, how I like to treat people.

 

I think sometimes the questions we ask are key to finding the answers we seek.

 

Of course we exist within a culture and society that has a lot of effects on us as all this external stuff clashes with internal stuff - and it can be like a storm and a half as those elements meet, mingle and mash together and that poses serious problems.

 

Who you are - is far more important than what you are or what other people think you are, in so many ways - you might look at an animal and ask "what is it?" and you might label it as a dragon, you might smile and say I know what that is now, I can call it "dragon" - but is that really what it is?

 

Does that really define it at all?

 

I don't think so - there's more to being a dragon than being labelled "dragon" and there's more to you than "what" you are too.