Noskcaj86 Report post Posted January 2, 2013 Just recently over the school holidays ive noticed Jack is hurting his baby brother more, which is a shame as it has almost stopped. Last night he threw a toy at him and now baby has a big bruise on forehead and cheek. He then went on to jump on top of him whilst he was asleep in a bed i had made up for baby on living room floor (i needed him close bye as hes been unwell and keeps having coughing fits). Jack was told of both times, and showed the bruise he had caused, but he doesnt seem to care at all. Will he ever understand what he is doing isnt nice, he doesnt seem to have much if any empathy. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oakers Report post Posted January 2, 2013 Just wondering, with you saying that you needed the baby close by, that he may be feeling a little jealous and that's why he's started hitting out again? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Noskcaj86 Report post Posted January 2, 2013 Yes i did wonder if that might be why. Also the baby has been really clingy too so jack has seen him being cuddled a lot! But i wish he would understand not to hurt his brother Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oakers Report post Posted January 2, 2013 Hmm... does it seem like a trend? When he was more aggressive with the baby the last time was it a time when the baby needed more attention? Is there any way you can give him time alone with you to spend just doing something together? Maybe that'd make him feel better about the baby needing more attention. Maybe if that is the issue it might help resolve it a little. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Noskcaj86 Report post Posted January 2, 2013 It used to be all the time... it lasted for months then slowly improved untill he had almost stopped hurting him at all. Then over the christmas holidays its started again. so not sure its only down to baby being unwell. Maybe its also because hes bored with it being school holidays... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oakers Report post Posted January 2, 2013 Ahhh... I don't know what to suggest then... I hope he settles back down again soon. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sa Skimrande Report post Posted January 2, 2013 A soft easy outlet is probable especially if he is indeed bored or distressed with school and by attacking another loved one he is communicating with you. Perhaps ask what is happening at school in his class how he is performing or not as the case may be and not only in the class, but outside of it as well, as it is possible another is upsetting him. And, jealousy I did think of also, but again that is communicating with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justine1 Report post Posted January 2, 2013 He needs to know the behaviour is unacceptable. You say he likes cars,all cars should be removed from him. It may sound harsh but the crime has to fit the punnishment,and it is quite serious. Your baby is unwell and if the injury was worse when he jumped on him what would you have done? You cannot wait for things to reach a point where your youngest gets seriously injured,something needs to be done now. Yes you need to talk to him but that should only happen once he has been punnished. He needs to have clear boundaries and a visual timetable(if its due to boredom.) If possible share the care of your youngest with your partner so you can give jack 1:1 time even if its just to read a bedtime story or sit with him while he plays cars,you dont need to get involved unless he wants you to,but just show your presence. If you put on his visual timetable the time you will be with him on his own,he should have "now and next" on the timetable get him to remove an activity once complete(like bathtime) then he will see what is next(storytime) So he does'nt have to know the time just needs to be shown and reminded whats happening. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lyndalou Report post Posted January 2, 2013 (edited) My son roughly pushed his sister over today, banging her head off the floor about 3 times. The second and third time it happened he was put to his room immediately. I told him I was unhappy with him and knocking his sister over was very bad. He was upset and no doubt a bit confused but I felt it was important he had to connect the 'punishment' (being put to his room) with what he had done. This happens from time to time. He seems to like doing this for some reason - I think he likes the look on her face when she falls over. When she starts to cry I explain that crying means that he has made his sister upset/sad. When he cries because he is being chastised I tell him that he is crying because he is upset/sad. I wouldn't worry too much about the 'empathy' issue at this point although I know this may be hard to do. I find it fascinating that my (just) two year old is commenting when she hears her doll cry or sees someone cry on TV that they are sad and she looks sad too when she says it. I don't remember being like that. There were two seperate occasions when I was considerably older than my son or Jack (at around 8 and again at 13) when my sister was extremely upset; on one occasion because she hurt herself and it had had the potential to be a serious accident and the other occasion was when something happened to her which could have potentially killed her. On the first occasion I became angry with her because she was 'interrupting' me and the second time she cried all night and I couldn't sleep so I kept telling her to shut up. Looking back, I used to wonder how on earth I could have been so callous but I just didn't 'connect the dots' - I had no real notion about how serious those situations actually were. The thing is, my first reaction to someone else's upset may not necessarily still be what would be the 'norm' (although I would argue that I am much more 'empathetic' than I ever used to be) so I can't really expect my 5 year old to act in a typical way when he's not a typical person. Any understanding of the hurt he may have caused or an empathetic reaction to his sister's tears may not be forthcoming for some time but what I can do is develop a 'framework' for him to build his understanding of different situations on and to realise what is acceptable and what is not. I can explain to him 'cause and effect'. Good ways to treat his sister are to take her hand, give her a hug, say 'Thank you' to her and bad ways to treat his sister are pushing her over, pinching her or banging a toy off her head. If he laughs when he 'ought' to cry, I do an exaggerated 'sad' face and tell him I am sad. If he can't tell by my expression that I am annoyed with him, I tell him I am annoyed with him. Jack is probably very thrown by this unstructured time as is my son. I took both my children out yesterday, even though my daughter is still struggling with the cold, to a soft play area to expend some energy. Today, my daughter's cold came back full force so we were stuck indoors again and so my son was more bored and found the unstructured time more difficult. However, we keep other routines reasonably in place during holidays...mealtimes and bedtime routine remains at around the same time. Edited January 2, 2013 by Lyndalou Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Noskcaj86 Report post Posted January 3, 2013 Thanx everyone, he was punished for both incidents. And also he was punished again this evening for hitting his brother on the head with a plastic drum stick. He knows hes in trouble as soon as hes done it because he runs straight upstairs and hides! Im not sure i could remove all cars, practically that is going to be extremely hard because he has so many of them collected over the last 2 years... But they are not only a toy to him but a comforter, he takes cars everywhere with him, in the bath, outside, in to bed... i think they make him feel safe. But i need to find a punishment that works, and i need to get him to understand what hes doing is dangerous. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
