What, is Normal ?

[Sa Skimrande]

In so many threads I read what we are is not normal, so I have to ask, what exactly is normal ?

 

If it is societal expectation, then what exactly is societal expectation ?

 

Everyone is different and so has their own expectation of what is acceptable and what is not, so again is there a clearly defined standard of what is normal ?

[Merry]

Now these are the kinds of threads I get excited about!

 

However am trying to feed the baby while typing asnd that's never a good idea! So i'll return to this later!

[justine1]

I have to say I very rarely see the word normal being used on any forum relating to special needs/ASD and ironically when I do its usually those with special needs/ASD who use the word as opposed to those caring for them.

 

If I struggle to find a word and need to use it I put it in inverted commas, for the simple reason(as you ask) what is normal?

My mum is quite eccentric and as such I don't think I have any clear idea of what "normal" is. I think it is a word that is open to interpretation what is one person's normal could be another's "abnormal"(?) or strange/weird.

 

Even when I describe my two boys that do not have ASD dx I say they are neurotypical(NT) but again what is neurotypical? My eldest son is certainly not "typical" he does not have ASD but he is not like any other 12 year old that I know and has always been different to his peers. I suppose we are told/given these words to use and in a sense have no option to use them in certain context.

[smileyK]

I hear this constantly "tell me what is normal" statement! So annoying makes me frustrated,fed up! I hear it from MH professionals, parents drives me "pure mad/crazy" but suppose everyone put different meanings and spins on "normal" but I see it as being able "function" in daily life without struggling /difficulties!

[Sa Skimrande]

If the term; Normal cannot be defined in general then can anyone see how the term can be used to oppress and control ? But for the term normal to be bandied about, the term has got to be referenced in relation to what or who, some empirical authority , or else the word normal is open to interpretation by everyone and so is not a word that should be used to describe anyone.

 

And the term Neuro Typical as identified by Justine 1 is another of those terms that cannot be defined, as what exactly is typical and of the so called NT a better term to use could be;

 

Undiagnosed.

 

As make no mistake we all have something about us which can be defined under a psychological description because one does not have to have the complete set of characteristics to be labelled with such as we do have such terms as ; Mild and High Functioning, but again those two latter terms are also open to opinion.

 

And down the rabbit hole we go.

[Suze]

Sometimes NT is used as a term so posters can discern between those with a diagnosis and those that are not.....however the terms NT, diagnosed and awaiting/seeking diagnosis , are just 3 general categories that make posting easier , without the need for a long explanation.

............talking about the word normal I guess in very general terms it describes a majority ,but as Justine says I don,t like the term and agree with her views on its use .

[Nesf]

I must admit that I once used it in a post in inverted commas to mean NT, or "so-called normal",perhaps I shouldn't have done - really as no two people are the same there's no such thing as "normal". I've seen it being used informally in this context in various literature, with or without inverted commas. I'll avoid using it in future.

[Sa Skimrande]

I use it because because I am used to it and too many times in my life I have received the comment ; You are not normal

 

It used to bother me as I had that need to fit in.....

 

But as I approach middle age I am starting to understand what normal actually is and how it manifests itself in people who like to think themselves as normal.

 

How it manifests from my point of view is the normal people seem to have lost the ability to free think as it is as if they have conformed to what they think society has told them and they keep modifying themselves in order to better fit into some ideal they have in their mind of what it is to be normal, not realising what they are actually doing is narrowing their perspective and life experience.

 

Of course if they are happy in their decreasing perspective, then good for them, but do not seek to change those that do not wish to be normal as any individual defines it, because there is no distinct definition of what normal is, but it is a fact the word normal can be used to limit and oppress.

 

 

So I look at it this way ;

 

I am wholly glad I am not normal, in fact I celebrate that fact because I am free, free to be me.

[Merry]

Free as a bird!

 

Oh my gosh what brilliant comments! What a great read. Thanks for this one Sa, couldn't reply sooner as...well...baby stuff, teething, up all night....and i needed time to think through my response, not that i have a lot of time now either....anyway.

 

Justine1 hit the nail on the head for me:

I have to say I very rarely see the word normal being used on any forum relating to special needs/ASD and ironically when I do its usually those with special needs/ASD who use the word as opposed to those caring for them.

 

If I struggle to find a word and need to use it I put it in inverted commas, for the simple reason(as you ask) what is normal?

My mum is quite eccentric and as such I don't think I have any clear idea of what "normal" is. I think it is a word that is open to interpretation what is one person's normal could be another's "abnormal"(?) or strange/weird.

 

Even when I describe my two boys that do not have ASD dx I say they are neurotypical(NT) but again what is neurotypical? My eldest son is certainly not "typical" he does not have ASD but he is not like any other 12 year old that I know and has always been different to his peers. I suppose we are told/given these words to use and in a sense have no option to use them in certain context.

 

And Suze with:

Sometimes NT is used as a term so posters can discern between those with a diagnosis and those that are not.....however the terms NT, diagnosed and awaiting/seeking diagnosis , are just 3 general categories that make posting easier , without the need for a long explanation.

............talking about the word normal I guess in very general terms it describes a majority ,but as Justine says I don,t like the term and agree with her views on its use .

 

Cus i've been guilty of using the word "Normal" to generalize when a better word might have been the "Majority".....I really mean no offense, and never thought about my use of particular words and how it might be interpreted by others. Really interesting. Is the fault ours for not being able to find the right words to use, or is the fault language itself, which hasn't provided us with enough alternatives/more suitable words to use....? I guess this is why slang takes off....where there's a gap in the `language market` for a new word that needs to be filled, some teenager or bubble-head off a tv programme decides to invent one!

 

Sa, I just wish I could sit down with you and talk/listen for hours and hours! (And that's odd for me because usually I don't like talking to people very much at all!)

 

I agree that there's obviously no real meaning behind the word `normal` and that it is often used as an insult...I've had that all my life too.

 

But what i find most interesting is your view of "The majority" which is purely an observation, not an intended as an insult and it is the same observation i have made during my lifetime also. I've just never heard anyone else say it.

 

P.s This takes me back to the whole spiritual obsession stuff that i've explained before, only in the way that the more i learned about the silence and stillness at the centre of all things, the less able i became to explain it. Words can be inadequate in a lot of ways. I look forward to the future when we all speak telepathically, bring back self sustaining techniques, and ride around on hoverboards.....(Well that's the future i'd like but i don't think it's the one we'll be getting!)

Edited January 20, 2013 by Merry

[smileyK]

i have noticed so many 'professional' use this general boring word term and find it such dull tiring word anyway without adding to situation living with A.S nothing 'normal' at all or easy about that! i often what being NT /normal is like ... how to achieve that? hate professionals that say in statement " try act/be more "normal" as find it so insulting ,very cricital and also very 'harsh' view on society as just proves everyone ,expects everything to be o.k,normal fixed! and i ask how is that fair but burden blame at our door directly! haven't we go enough to deal with,manage

 

i know it term widely used to prove the case of normal then otherwise 'out there' - difficulties ,struggles needing further work investigation on but surely more nicer ,pleasant description even N.T isn't as bad as 'normal' .

 

the professionals use normal in their jobs work to see 'other side of the coin,to flip situations/experiences i suppose! but normal takes you to dark deep hole backwards not forward to future slips back in past the term /word very powerful in professionals world as in ours!

 

get there get so fed up tired of being 'abnormal' 'not fitting' in anywhere feeling so lost and confused within myself -So trapped! normal could apply to anyone out there though! that word is meaningless and not helpful word to use at all especially in comparing terms to NT as can be quite crushing,damaging affect 'us' so much! impacts greatly on self-esteem everything surrounding your life!

 

why is 'normal' even used as a word ,term even out there in society it's not 'nice' word /term to use anyways by anyone ... i don't feel can be interupted so many different ways though could be here til end of world trying to figure out true sense of meaning behind word/term 'normal' how this relates to 'us' and our world compared to others!

 

i've never felt 'normal' then my family and it's genes ain't exactly 'normal' but unique ,special complicated list endless to be honest! that explains why i am way i am! not NORMAL whatsoever very strange/weird hopeless case!

Edited January 20, 2013 by smileyK

[Merry]

Smiley, you may not be considered "normal" by some people's standards, but you're certainly NOT a hopeless case hun! Your posts show that you have a lot of insight and have much to offer. If everyone was just like us, i recon we'd be considered perfectly normal!!! But like Sa said, what is normal? No one, even NT people are alike. We just live in a world which seems to be obsessed with putting things in boxes. -With categorizing every little thing in an effort to make sense of a very chaotic environment perhaps.

[oakers]

If you look at the definition of normal (for instance this one taken from dictionary.com)...

 

conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.

 

... you can see why some tend to use this to describe people as it is referring again to our favourite topic, conforming! Now, say we don't conform, then by definition of normal, we can't possibly be 'normal'. Is that such a bad thing?

 

We were born different, not abnormal, not weird, not any other adjective anyone wants to come up with... just different. And, I truly believe, in this instance different is NOT a bad thing. We should celebrate the fact that we aren't 'normal' and embrace the fact that we have skills / talents / traits that others don't.

 

Fair enough some of us have difficulties in certain areas and that can cause problems for us in work life, family life etc, but then there are probably things we can do and are good at that others wish they were, it may be in being creative, in manual work, in stats, in caring... who knows what everybody's special trait or talent may be, but I bet every one of us has got one?

 

So, in a way, who cares what normal is... we don't have to conform to be accepted. Eventually we'll come across people who will accept us for who we are, and when we do, we'll realise that it was worth the wait. How's that for positivity!?!

[oakers]

Smiley, you may not be considered "normal" by some people's standards, but you're certainly NOT a hopeless case hun! Your posts show that you have a lot of insight and have much to offer. If everyone was just like us, i recon we'd be considered perfectly normal!!! But like Sa said, what is normal? No one, even NT people are alike. We just live in a world which seems to be obsessed with putting things in boxes. -With categorizing every little thing in an effort to make sense of a very chaotic environment perhaps.

 

I don't believe anyone is a hopeless case... as long as there is breath in someone's body there is hope. And, it's just dependent on circumstances... a lot also depends on what you want out of life. There is something in what people say about how you can change your life if you want to... so, we're different, and we may all experience varying degrees of difficulties due to AS / ASD etc, but who says that we can't make the most of our situation. Things might seem hard but if life was easy wouldn't it be rather boring? (Granted, easy would be nice at times!)

 

It's interesting what you say there about boxes Merry, and I find that with so many things... going to the doctor I find I have problems in getting anywhere because I don't tick all the boxes to fit into yet another box, we get put in a box because we behave a certain way, because we choose to dress in a certain way, or have certain friends or whatever it may be. People will always have their little boxes, but you know what... I have mine too. I just use them differently to everyone else I know...

 

A colleague at work actually made me realise that boxing things up makes them easier to deal with and it actually seems I've done it all my life without realising. So, I may deal with something and then box it up and put it at the back of my mind... then I can go an open a box later on if I feel ready to deal with it... maybe boxes aren't so bad, if they're used in the right way eh!?

[Merry]

Well yea...it's just a way of making sense of the world. It may not be a perfect strategy, but it works.

[smileyK]

i think trying to work out what normal actually involve and is define true meaning! trying work the term drive crazy,insane ,mad even more so than i am at this current moment! when try so hard to 'fit into' normality tick boxes NT wants 'us' too!. just because they can't fit into 'our abnormal wacky weird/strange world' trying to normal feels so far from reality! i love to work out where 'us' going wrong!

 

XKLX

[Sa Skimrande]

Well yea...it's just a way of making sense of the world. It may not be a perfect strategy, but it works.

 

Boxes are all about forcing the analogue into the digital, the old square peg hammered into a round hole, what is human with all it's variables just has to be computer readable and the bits that splinter off when the analogue is forced into a box, those bits don't matter to the computers, they just don't compute or else they just must fit into yet more boxes and the same problem starts all over again.

 

We cannot be digitised and nor should we be, computers should be controlling man made machines not human beings.