Behaviour

[Jenim]

How does everyone cope with their lo's behaviour. I'm asking as tbh mine drives me nuts. I am a single parent and there is input from dad. But when he kicks off - he kicks off - if he's having a melt down there is nothing yet I've found that works.

 

His school is being affected, not concentrating, easily distracted etc etc.

 

Any tips/advice wold be much appreciated as my stress levels are gradually rising!

 

With kindness

[Noskcaj86]

Hi, im in the same situation with my son. At the moment I cope on a daily basis, some days are good, some are hell! Its not easy. How old is your lo?

[Jenim]

He's 9 we're seeing the ed psych tomorrow

 

 

[Special_talent123]

Do u know what has caused the meltdowns. I don't know if your child speaks but maybe pecs or something similar so he can point whats wrong?

 

[JeanneA]

This is a common problem with autistic children, some things that work for some don't work for others so it isn't always easy to find the best way to help your child as I know from my own experiences. I do hope all goes well with the ed.psych today do let us know, it will be interesting to see what he advices.

[Jenim]

@special talent - I've noticed that he appears stressed when he comes home from school, there appears to be a lot going on in his head - you can almost see the turbulence in there! He gets over excited and he does not have that switch off button to know when to stop. He can become very negative focusing on himself that he is useless and stupid etc. then his asthma kicks in and often starts scratching his eczema. He is HFA with a vocabulary thatin find hard to keep up with! The other day it was - is chicken pox airborne? I had to google it to check lol and wearing swimming shorts under trousers before swimming is 'undignified' lol. He is bright as a button, will read for wales - but (there's always a but!) it's his inability to focus, concentrate etc. along with the emotional and social side. He is having private counselling and has been since nov last year - I see it as a long term plan :-). Anything to help him

 

@ jeannea - thanks for the support. I'm trying a variety of things at the moment. A friend who has worked with autism for many years advised to limit words when giving instructions - so I'm trying that. Getting him to stay in bed at night time has always been a challenge as I do my Uni work at night - final year so no pressure lol. And he was a baby who slept through the night at 8 weeks, eat very well with no other issues. He didn't walk til nearly 2 and didn't talk til after that - slow start but he's caught up verbally and physically.

 

Thanks guys

[JeanneA]

Hi there, good advice from your friend about limiting the words when giving instructions, that's what I used to do/still do. Does he have medication to help him sleep? If not, then I would talk to your GP about him having something; melatonin can help, it helps to get you to sleep.

[Special_talent123]

@special talent - I've noticed that he appears stressed when he comes home from school, there appears to be a lot going on in his head - you can almost see the turbulence in there! He gets over excited and he does not have that switch off button to know when to stop. He can become very negative focusing on himself that he is useless and stupid etc. then his asthma kicks in and often starts scratching his eczema. He is HFA with a vocabulary thatin find hard to keep up with! The other day it was - is chicken pox airborne? I had to google it to check lol and wearing swimming shorts under trousers before swimming is 'undignified' lol. He is bright as a button, will read for wales - but (there's always a but!) it's his inability to focus, concentrate etc. along with the emotional and social side. He is having private counselling and has been since nov last year - I see it as a long term plan :-). Anything to help him

 

 

Thanks guys

 

Is he finding the school work overwhelming,I know when I reached age 14 i was finding it overwhelming because i was struggling wth the work and i found it hard to communicate i needed help.

[Lyndalou]

Hi Jenim

 

It's quite common for kids with ASD to manage to keep all their anxieties in check at school and then they come home and the accumulation from all the stress of the day comes out. It sounds like your little boy puts a lot of pressure on himself and has high expectations of his abilities, quite possibly unrealistic expectations and if he is an all-or-nothing thinker he might class himself as a 'failure' if he has a bit of an off-day.

 

My little boy is only 5 yrs old but he is a perfectionist and his teacher has told me he puts in 110% at school (her words). He can get very upset if things are not exactly as he wants them to be and it has to be stated to him over and over again that it is okay if things are not exactly right because it can be done again. He gets lots of praise when he does well but he also is reassured when things go 'wrong' (this isn't foolproof though if he's in a set way of thinking) and often it can be a good idea to refocus him on something else if he has become upset. A person with ASD can get themselves very worked up if they do something 'wrong' and try to 'correct' it, sometimes getting in a frenzy (a meltdown) as they can't accomplish their end goal so I'd rather change the focus before the stress gets out of hand.

 

Your little boy might need a lot of 'down time' when he comes home from school. It might not be helpful to try to engage him in conversation about his day straight away when he comes in as he might have negative thoughts at the forefront of his mind when he first comes in the door and if you ask him then it could be seen as more of a criticism than interest. If he can chill out first then he is likely to return to a more positive frame of mind.

 

Lynda

[Jenim]

@ special talent - now that does set a light bulb off in my head - thanks for that :-)

 

@ Lynda - OMG - are you psychic? He is sooo clever (I know he's my son and I would say that lol) but your bang on!!! He says how stupid he is and that he gets nothing right and so on....... I am was a perfectionist with my work especially my uni work - now I've let it all go (getting 2:2's for essays now instead of 1st's). Yes he has down time when he comes home from school, he tends to watch tv for half an our before tea or me even trying to start a conversation with him.

 

Ed psych did not seem too concerned today and did not want to put him forward for assessment. I mentioned how would he cope in uni and what if something was missed etc. So she agreed to get the ball rolling with a diagnosis.

 

Since Ive started to learn about autism, I would say I'm on the spectrum too. As things happen with my little man, I can see how I was as a child and growing up...but being assessed and diagnosed wasnt the thing then...hey ho.

 

thanks so much for your input ladies :-)

[JeanneA]

So pleased to hear things will start to get moving getting a diagnosis is such an important thing to get. I wish you and your son well, I hope you don't have to wait too long for him to be assessed, keep pestering the relevant professionals involved :-)

[Lyndalou]

It really is your call if you think that a diagnosis would be helpful or not for your son. I have to say from personal experience that my own difficulties really started in my final year of Primary School (I am self diagnosed ASD) and the transition to Secondary can be a difficult one for those on the spectrum and it certainly was like this in my case. If you know the problems that your son has and can find ways to alleviate his stress and support him without a diagnosis then this might be enough but a diagnosis opens doors to support that he may need over and above familial support (or at least be an option).

 

My son is diagnosed High Functioning Autistic and was diagnosed at 3. His communication skills are improving all the time but he has a speech disorder which very clearly marks him out as 'different'. However, he is very bright, ahead academically and has advanced drawing and musical talent for his age. He requires the diagnosis to get the support he needs at this time.

[Jenim]

I agree with you Lynda, 18 months ago I wouldnt have said he needed the diagnosis. But the last 12 months things have changed. His speech is slurred and his anxiety levels are getting quite high, together with the self injurous behaviour :-( . Counselling is helping, I give him reflexology etc. But I feel I am out of my depth now, hence looking for a diagnosis and to get some 'professional' help - to get things in place for that transition to comp. I'm researching as much as I can and intend to do a Masters in September in Autism to find out more!

 

Thanks for your support, its really appreciated :-)

[Special_talent123]

Your welcome

[Noskcaj86]

The stuff about keeping things in check in school seems to be happening to Jack. He has been really well behavied at school recently, then when he gets home he lets it all out, spinning in circles, ignoring instructions, running off, totally hyperactive!! Just my luck he saves it all up for home time!

[Special_talent123]

The stuff about keeping things in check in school seems to be happening to Jack. He has been really well behavied at school recently, then when he gets home he lets it all out, spinning in circles, ignoring instructions, running off, totally hyperactive!! Just my luck he saves it all up for home time!

 

Does he have routine at school, but no routine at home. This is what i found in my situation. I needed routine to cope

[Lyndalou]

I agree with you Lynda, 18 months ago I wouldnt have said he needed the diagnosis. But the last 12 months things have changed. His speech is slurred and his anxiety levels are getting quite high, together with the self injurous behaviour :-( . Counselling is helping, I give him reflexology etc. But I feel I am out of my depth now, hence looking for a diagnosis and to get some 'professional' help - to get things in place for that transition to comp. I'm researching as much as I can and intend to do a Masters in September in Autism to find out more!

 

Thanks for your support, its really appreciated :-)

It looks like you have already been taking many positive steps to support your son but I would say that if there are physical signs of distress it is a good idea to get professionals involved to try to keep those issues at a manageable (if not improved) level. If you haven't already done so, it might be helpful to discuss the planned assessment process with him too and just why it is necessary in order for him to understand his problems more. There are books out there written specifically for children. There is a workbook that my son uses at school (which may be a bit too 'young' for your son) that is called 'When my worries get too big - A relaxation book for Children who live with anxiety' you could maybe think about using in conjunction with other relaxation techniques. I have bought it to use at home too but have not had much need for it yet...

 

Have you also considered that your son may have sensory sensitivities? Does he seem to have any problems with noise, smells, touch etc? You would need to remember that he could be very sensitive or undersensitive when it comes to how he experiences sensory things. For instance, my son can have real difficulty with loud noises and covers his ears yet he seeks out other noises as he loves music (you can be both under and over (or hypo or hyper) sensitive to stimuli in one area). He can really struggle with other children coming into his personal space but loves being tickled or hugged (if he can control it). it can be a bit confusing until you get your head around it and you also have to remember that difficulties also fluctuate with stress or stress buildup and from day to day.

Edited January 31, 2013 by Lyndalou

[Jenim]

Hi Lynda

 

Yes, when he started to pull his hair out it set my alarm bell off. I've had a chat with him about assessments - he started asking questions so I figure he understands :-) I shall look out for that book as he's a keen reader :-) lol @ 'bit confusing' ;-) yep he's that alright! But yes joking aside, his sensory issues tend to be food related and toothpaste! He doesn't like having cream put on for his eczema or sun scream - this can bring on full melt down mode. Hair cuts were always another trigger, but when he started growing his hair he did have it cut twice - then he started pulling it out - so no more hair cuts yet!

 

This week has been stressful what with the visit to the ed psych and a kick in the face because he got sooo frustrated because his laces would stay tied together! My fault. But with everyone's feedback and input on here I feel I'm beginning to get to grips with it all and am not blaming myself so much for him being different.

 

And the sensory thing again - noise in the morning is a big no no for me - even the cat crying for food can do my head in - I recall a bob the builder telephone when he was about 18 months used to drive me nuts - and programmes like Pokemon or similar with high pitched whining send my head like a washing machine.

 

Jeni x