how do you explain AS to your child?

[smiley]

this is a follow on from 'what concerns you most'...

 

alot of my sons meltdown are because he is so confused.. the thing that worries me, is he is beginning to ask why everyone is different to him, he's becoming aware that the other children think he's 'odd' (- another child actually told him that )

how do you explain to your child?

[nellie]

Hi,

 

I think this is a down to personal choice, parents know their children best and know how they will react. Saying that, it's great to hear of the experiences of other parents to give a better picture.

 

Here are some topics where this has been discussed.

 

Do I tell my son?

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...t=0entry16215

 

when/if to tell your child his Dx

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...t=0entry22487

 

Telling relatives

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...st=0entry7867

 

Nellie xx

[oracle]

I think that I remember you saying that your son is only 6? So he is a bit young to truly understand. Does he know that he has AS yet? I believe that even if the child does not fully understand the sooner they have some kind of explination for them feeling different the better.

 

My youngest son is now 8 and autism has always been part of his life and his vocabulary because he has an older brother with AS and so it's often talked about by him. However Matthew did not really understand at all or even want to until he was around 5 years old and things were not going well at school. He kept being told by other kids that his brain was broken I told Matthew that his brain was certainly not broken but that he simply did things differently to others. That did not make him broken. I then pointed out that we are all different anyway. I Used example that he understtood best. Like I have a goitre, which he can see, because I have a problem with my thyroid gland, Other people do not have this but that does not mean that I am broken. I also made reference to my sons friend who has red hair and who at the age of 26 is still receiving comments about his hair. But this guy is not broken.

 

I went on to point out all of the things that he did really well and things he knew other could not do well. I felt that this was important to him. I did not want him having only negative thoughts about his autism. I said that sometimes other people have a problem if you do have something which is different, but that was their problem and not his. He took it on board quite well. But I have to say that at 8 he is now asking different questions.

 

My eldest never wanted to be like everyone else and so we did not have to many problems with him accepting himself. Matthew does not want to be different and I think he will be a whole new ball game as he gets older.

 

Carole

Edited July 25, 2005 by carole

[admum]

Just to say that there are a few really good books - cant recall titles but aimed at his age- have a look at the Jessica Kigsley site. One is by a child called Adam. My son really realted to some of what had been written.

[smiley]

thank you for the links nellie and i loved the way you've described it to your little ones carole, i think thats the way i will go.

i feel that half the reason my son is coping so badly is that he needs an explanation, he has such a caring nature and just can't understand why people don't think like him (he told me today he needs a new mouth, coz his doesn't say things properly - awwwwww)

i will wait until the time is right and definately find a good book, he takes much more it when he can physically see something.

 

i want to say a huge thank you to all of you guys. im so pleased i found you all

 

 

mary x

[elaine1]

depends on how old he is. i let my son read freaks geeks and aspergers syndrome by Luke Jackson. He loved it as luke has AS himself and explains many things to the reader.

my son was pleased to know he wasnt the only one with as and still refers to the book now some 2 years later.

 

otherwise, just explain gently that all people are different and then explain what his differences mean and how other people might see them.

 

mainly let him know hes not the only one, there are many ppl out there like him, and the world is a better place for them.

 

good luck!

[witsend]

Hi Smileymab - my son is 10 now but I think he has always felt/known he is 'differant', once I grasped that he may be ASD I wondered and worried about how I would or should tell him. I started talking about the subject of ASD just prior to diagnosis when I was sure in my own mind about things, he didn't say too much at first but then he asked a lot of questions (and I mean a lot). One reason I felt I had to tell him was 'cos Iknew the cons would openly discuss AS in front of him and not really stop to talk to him about it and I didn't think that was fair. Also I knew he should have the information becuase it is him it concerns (if that makes sense). I was glad I'd done my own reaearch before I talked to him it made all the questions a bit easier to handle and when the cons diagnosed him recently my son was quite matter of fact about it all and actually pleased and relieved to have AS confirmed. My son and I know there are problems to be faced having AS but I must admit I've been very positive about it all to him and I think he's actually proud of it now which I don't think is a bad thing Sorry I'm waffling a bit here your question was more 'how to tell' rather than 'wether to tell' I don't honestly know how I would of told my son about it if he was as young as yours it must be difficult to get it age approparite but I think I would definately have told him something about it and perhaps taken my cues from him. Once you open a subject with your child they often set the pace for what follows and it sounds like your son is pretty intuitive and has insight into his own 'problems', so maybe broach the subject and then take your lead from him, but again I would stress the positive things whilst acknowledging the more negative. Good luck I'm sure you'll handle it right because you know your son better than anyone else. Take care -luv witsend.

[nellie]

I have just found this on Tony Attwood's website, thought it might be useful.

 

Books To Help Explain The Diagnosis

 

http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/ (scroll down, you will find it on the left).

 

Nellie xx

[mom on a mission]

hi , my son is five and he does know that he has ASD but i dont think he understands what it means recently we did try to explain but he just screamed punched himself in his head and ran off we were only trying to expain because with all the educational issues hes over heard alot of ASD talk lately but obviously he must be too young to be told i think anyway! im not sure there ever be a right time or way i guess we will just deal with the issues when they arrise

[Lemony]

Just to say that there are a few really good books - cant recall titles but aimed at his age- have a look at the Jessica Kigsley site. One is by a child called Adam. My son really realted to some of what had been written.

Michael has said for a few years now that he feels "different " to his classmates and other children. His SENCO lent me the book you mentioned and that was used by me when i first tried explaining Aspergers to him, i had no intention of doing this but the time just felt right.

 

I`d always wondered how i would explain things to him but it just happened unexpectedly one day. The downside of it all though was when Michael said to me that i should of told him sooner so he`d of known what the difference was between himself and others.