When should you tell your child they have ASD?

[girlracer76]

Hi

As some of you are probably be aware from my numerous posts on my son and the constant problems at school, i have a now 7yr old son who was diagnosed with ASD in March this year. He does not yet know of this diagnosis and we as parents are wondering when the best time (if there is one!) is to tell him? and how would be the best way to tell him?

We are starting to wonder if him knowing would help him understand a little more about his outbursts and his withdrawal needs but we are also concerned that he may be a little young to grasp the concept.

Any ideas or how you guys did it would be great

Thanks

Sue

 

PS this great has been a great help to us - we are new to it all and it's a hard and fast learning curve - so thank you all for being there and listening to my worries and concerns, it means a lot! x

[Shnoing]

 

It took me about a year to grasp the implications after I got my dx, and I was 37 then and have a professional doctorate. So I would guess that it might take some time for a child to develop some awareness of how he's different.

We haven't explained it to our 9-year-old, who's got his dx at age 3. (Apart from some "everyone if different" thingy).

[bed32]

I don't think there is a hard-and-fast rule as all children are different. For us we tried to explain it to our son at age about 9 when he was getting increasingly aware that he was different from the rest of his class. We did this in conjunction with CAMHS, working through a book intended for the task.

 

To be honest I am not sure how much he understood, but it certainly didn't cause any problems and once he knows about the diagnosis you can always return to the subject. Now (at the age of 10) we are thinking about trying to interest him more in it and see if we can get him to read about ASD (reading is by far the best way for him to learn anything)

[oxgirl]

I think it's good to drip-feed bits of information as and when the situation arises. I remember when my lad was about 6 or 7 us having an argument about him doing some work and I said something about him doing it 'like the other children' and he said, 'but I'm not like the other children'. It was amazing how young he was and how he knew already that he was different. I used the opportunity to talk a bit about his differences but not overwhelm him too much. Then I got some good books directed at children which tell stories about youngsters diagnosed with AS (many available at NAS) and read them to him at bedtime. So really he grew up knowing and so it didn't come as a big shock all of a sudden.

 

~ Mel ~

[justine1]

It really depends on your child, their understanding and how they feel. My view is they will ask questions when the time is right for them.

 

My 9year old was diagnosed age 6 and he knew already something was different. He had some real issues at school and he was alienated and excluded by the time we went to the paediatrician. He asked if the doctor was going to fix the problem in his head. So it was about three months after diagnosis that I referred back to his question and explained to him what it is. He has been attending an ASD unit for almost three years now and so he is well aware what autism is because it is discussed quite openly in the unit.

 

However my 7 year old was diagnosed around the same time as his older brother, but he was then age 4...far too young to grasp anything. We still have told him nothing but he is slowly starting to see differences between him and his peers so I am quite sure the questions will come soon.

[Shnoing]

Maybe there's two categories: persons who are aware of being different even at age 7-9 (Aspies?): they should be told, I think.

And persons who are not (Auties?); they,not.

[justine1]

I think thats a wide generalisation there. It does happen that my son who was aware actually does not have a dx of aspergers but rather of autism..despite having a good vocabulary its next to useless as he cannot communicate effectively. He is in many ways no different to my other son who has the same dx despite being non-verbal for four years.

 

Being non-verbal does not mean they are not aware of whats going on around them....some children can see differences others are not able to. Thats not restricted to autism its personalities and I think environmental factors play a role in this. I know red heads that felt very conscious from a young age and others who never have, or children of different race raised by people who do not have the same skin colour...its a difference some are more aware than others and at different ages.

[Shnoing]

Ok, so my assumption was too quick.

I just remember that I had no clue about being different when I was up to 14 years old. Only then I discovered - in little steps - that I could make up my own mind (consciously, that is). Even though I saw that other persons acted differently than me, I didn't have the idea that I was the one who was different.

Having read a lot of literature about autism after my son got his dx 6 years ago has made me self-conscious in a negative sense. NOW I sometimes feel WEIRD, which has never happened before.

 

Sometimes I feel it would be nice NOT to know, and I sometimes wish I'd be as "blissfully innocent" as I was until age 37: my current job and my doctorate, I had already before that date; since then: nothing new.

[justine1]

That makes alot of sense to me. It is similar to my example of an adopted child...they usually do not realise a difference until after they have been told(like pieces of a puzzle being linked together) or there are those who suspect something different from a young age and they need to know. So it really is'nt that different.

 

It definatley depends on the individual and not the diagnosis though. Whether your dx is Aspergers or Autism the individual's own understanding and need to know will vary, just the same as anything else in life.