Rant!!! Feeling very hurt and angry

[Echo]

Yesterday, I offered to take my parents dog (a lab) for a walk (as they were busy painting fences etc and the dog was doing everything he knows he is not supposed to do to get their attention). I don't live with my parents but I consider the dog to be mine too. I'm not allowed to have one where I'm living (which is silently tearing me apart) and I spend a lot of time with him as a result.

 

My father is his master (I do nothing to undermine this as I think it is very important that the dog knows where he stands), he does whatever my father tells him to do.

On the other hand, he doesn't want to know my mother unless she has food. She hardly tries with him. She thinks that he is an annoyance, despite being the one who wanted a dog in the first place and spends a lot of her time telling him off for no reason at all.

 

With me, we are best friends, we wrestle, play ball, cuddle... I chose him from the litter, trained him to: sit, shake hands, hide his teeth, show his teeth (for dental inspection), heel, look before crossing the road, play dead, not to jump, when to bark, fetch, the names of over 120 toys...you get the picture.

 

Anyway my father, without hesitation agreed to let me take the dog as far as I wanted to go (as long as I returned within the next hour as it was the dogs routine to have his dinner around that time). My mother however, insisted that I only took him up to the bus stop and back (which is less than 100 meters - there and back from their house). I agreed to take him a little further (not much) to where he usually does his big business in case he needed to - because there is a bin across the road from his usual spot. Both parents agreed.

 

So, I set off, saying hi to all the sunbathers and gardeners out in their front gardens along the way (there are 21 hoses in the street where I grew up - that's how small the area is). At the top of the road, a family friend stopped for a brief chat and off I went again.

 

I loved every second of the walk, there we no problems at all, it was extremely relaxing seeing him having say hello to his fellow canine friends etc... It was one of the best few moments of my life (a little dramatic maybe ).

 

Less than 3 minutes after leaving the house, I was walking back towards the top of the small street mentioned, when my father appeared and took the dog from me - marching both me and the dog back home.

 

The guy at the top of the street whom I had spoken to moments before remarked; "don't you trust her?"

And that's how I feel now: untrustworthy, embarrassed, confused, frustrated and angry.

All those people in the street were watching as I was marched back to the house as if I was a naughty child who had stolen their dog.

 

This was all my mother's doing - she forced my father after me as she couldn't see me at the bus stop - even after explaining to her where I was going and gaining her agreement - she said this was in case the other dogs in the street attacked me. What ????????? There are no other dogs in the street! And why watch me every step of the way? A bit excessive?

 

Without making a big deal of anything (biting my tongue and agreeing with her), I returned home as normal (every Sunday same routine).

 

Now I'm sat here spinning my thoughts. Why would she not say anything before I left the house? Why, since I was 6 years old would she let me walk the other dog that we had many years ago anywhere I wanted to go without a second thought? Not one incident occurred during that time either...

 

Little children around the estate are taking their dogs for walks (large and small terriers). Why am I suddenly not allowed to when they have let fairly new acquaintances take the dog for the whole day? They even let my 13 year old nephew take him out for much longer than that alone! And he is very nervous of dogs!

 

I'm 28 years old, strong enough to handle a dog, know his routine inside out (where he goes, turns, which dogs he knows and doesn't)... a good point to note here is: they do not know about my dyslexia, ADHD or possible Aspergers (as far as my mother is concerned - "there's nothing wrong with my kids!" - Even if I did tell them, they wouldn't believe me as I have excelled in everything I do without anybody's help - true to say I look and perform completely normal as far as other people are concerned - and they have trusted me with everything up to this point and I haven't done anything to change this (trust me; they would have said - my mother would never let it go if I had).

 

I may dress like a teenager, but I am a fully developed adult! Despite the fact that I have to produce ID to shop assistants who are much younger than me when I want to buy baccy. Grrr!

 

So anyway - without knowing what she has just done - I feel as if I am looked upon as incompetent and spoken to as a child - even the babies of the family (gran-children etc are given more responsibility than me)...my confidence has been shattered and I can't talk to them about it because although I love my mother, she can be ignorant, loud and over the top and no matter how my father feels, it's my mother's way or no way.

 

 

Any thoughts or advice is very much appreciated

 

Thanks

 

 

 

[Ellie-chan]

God families are annoying! I don't feel like i fit in with mine at all, they don't bother to talk to me about the things i like, so most of the time i'm left out of the conversation. I completely understand why you're angry, i would be- tell them that you are an adult and it's not fair how they're treating you, everybody has a right to walk their dog and live a life of independence and don't let your mum tell you any different.

Edited July 22, 2013 by Ellie-chan

[Echo]

Thanks Ellie. I will have a sit-down chat with them at some point. I'll have to wait for a while for my thoughts and emotions to calm down though x

Still a bit

[nippy sweetie]

I think that it is important for you to sit down and discuss this with your mother once your anger and frustration settles down though.

It sounds such an extreme reaction that I wonder if there has been some previous cause for her behaviour. By the way I entirely agree about the walk being one of the best moments of your life. Sometimes these apparently simple pleasures are what life`s all about. It would be good if you and your Mum could sort things out so you can enjoy more lovely dog walks. Good luck

[Echo]

Hi Nippy,

 

Usually every Sunday, I return to my childhood home for dinner (to see both Mother and Father - as well as the dog).

 

I thought that it was a good idea to leave it a week (so, I didn't go last weekend).

 

Although still a "tad" angry with her, I may be able to talk to her today. I'm going to gague how I feel in her presence first before saying anything. If my anger builds-up inside: I will refrain from saying a thing because: I know that she will turn it into a heated debate and my inability to control what will inevitably come out of my mouth will make matters worse (prehaps describing the mountain out of a molehill situation here).

 

If it is "safe" I will have to ask her: what have I done or haven't done? Why doesn't she trust me? Is this because of what semone else has done? Is she jealous of my relationship with the dog? etc... Although, I do not really feel comforabtle in that street at all at the moment.

 

I guess what gets me the most is that: I was a college tutor (I was trusted with all kinds of responsibility and did my job really well), I am the only one of her children to succeed creatively, accademically...(all fields, except: socially - not that she would notice as she is completely socially inept)...O, no - my anger's coming out again! I've got to leave this for now and go for a bath.