14 year old arrested for GBH -advice needed please.

[nysnanna]

My 14 year old grandson has been arrested on a charge of grevious bodily harm and whilst I don't condone what he's done I have to say that although he's never been violent before, I could see it coming.

Security guards in our local tesco have been following him around the store for months, he is a tall lad and wears baseball caps and usual fashion. We have tried speaking to the store and over recent weeks he has been giving the security guards some lip, especially when shopping with his friends. On Saturday night he was in the store with an adult and when they seperated , he was immediately followed by the security guard. After an altercation he was told to leave the store but he decided he would try and find the adult he was with to let her know what had happened. The guard followed him and he ran off, the guard chased him so he continued to run, he panicked and picked up a bottle of alcohol and threw it at the guard to slow him down, when it missed he picked up another and hit him over the head with it.

He was restrained by force by the guard snd another male until the police arrived and he was then taken into custody. After being in a cell for 5 hours he was questioned and admitted what he had done. I was with him during the questioning and there was also a duty solicitor, he is now bailed and has to go back to be charged on 31st January.

He was anxious and agitated before this happened and I was concerned that he was very much on the edge, now he is really struggling to cope. He has been discharged from CAMHS and it will take months to get any support again. He asked his Mum to get in bed with him last night, something he's not done for about 10 years and said he can't cope with school today (this is a special needs school).

What should we be doing for him now, to get him support for his mental health and also to make sure he is properly represented at court in terms of his autism. He has a diagnosis of ASD, ADHD, and PDA but is not currently receiving any support apart from attending specialist school.

As I say I do not condone what he has done and although I'm not sure he realises the seriousness of whst he has done, we want to get him as much help as possible. I am worried that he is now so wound up that it will not take much to push him over the edge again. His Mother is a single parent with 3 younger daughters and needs to protect them as well as trying to help him.

Any advice greatly appreciated as we just don't know what to do next.

Thanks in advance.

Teresa

[Special_talent123]

Can I ask why have the security guard been following him when he is in the store. Has he done anything wrong. This is contributed to his anxiety I'm on the alert all times and would panic if I'm followed but why a security

[oxgirl]

Hi nysnanna,

 

Didn't want to not respond, but not sure I have much advice to offer, I'm afraid. It's a horrid situation and I'm sorry that your grandson has got himself into this trouble. Is he on any medication? Could you see his GP and get an emergency referral back to CAHMS for some support, they will see people in a crisis if urgent. Does he feel any remorse for what happened or is he more angry about the situation? Is he still seeing his friends or going out or is he grounded at the moment? It sounds as if he is quite able.

 

I wonder if it might be helpful for him to have some 'punishment' at home, i.e. grounding, extra chores, etc. until his case comes to court to help him to see the seriousness of the situation and earn back some trust?

 

I hope you can get some support for him and for your daughter too.

 

~ Mel ~

[nysnanna]

No he has never done anything wrong at all but as he likes to dress like some other lads his age, ie trousers hanging down low, baseball caps and hoodies, he can look a bit 'dodgy'. He is very tall and physically mature for his age, 5ft 11in, and if I'm honest, because of his high anxiety levels he can present as a little bit nervy. He has always enjoyed looking at toys etc when he was younger, now dvds and cds, whilst his mum or myself do the shopping and for some reason has always attracted the attention of the security guards. He would never think of stealing and has never been in any kind of trouble. Over recent months he has been getting increasingly wound up as he feels he is being targeted for no reason and the incident on Saturday, sadly, is the result of this.

 

It's difficult to know if he feels any remorse, he is sorry that it has happened but I'm not sure if that is because of the consequences of the incident rather than because he has hurt someone. He certainly is grounded for the foreseeable future, as a punishment, to try and get him to understand the seriousness of the situation and to prevent any more possible incidents. We have been busy phoning around all day and are hoping to get an urgent appointment with CAMHS, he was discharged before because he refused to work with them, he dislikes one to one situations as he finds them too confrontational, but he has been told he has no choice in the matter this time. His school have been great and will now be working with him, looking at coping strategies and the consequences of his actions and have given us some good advice too.

He is very able in many ways but this is on a superficial level, when anything unusual or unexpected happens ie something that he has not learned how to handle and respond to, then he doesn't have the skills to cope well. He knows that he has the various diagnosis' but does not believe that he is any different to his 'friends' and wants to have the same freedom as they do. He can be very controlling and will often wear his Mum down until she gives in to him, it's not easy for her but she does appear to have laid down the law now.

 

Thanks for your advice and kind words of support.

 

Teresa

 

Edited January 19, 2014 by trekster

[Sally44]

Have you contacted the NAS to see if they have any advice?

Also any advice from the school? Or some advocacy service for children with SEN within your LA?

Is he eligible for legal help/aid?

[bed32]

I am very sorry for you and your family, I think a lot of us must dread this sort of thing happening.

 

I think you need legal advice from someone who is an expert in ASD.- I would contact people like the NAS, the Equality Support Service.

 

In terms of what to do for him, can you talk it through with the school? If they are good they should be able to provide specialist advice and help. Without knowing the person it is very hard to say more - he is clearly going to be very anxious now and that is going to dominate his life for the next few weeks. The best you can do is to try to reassure him and reduce his anxiety levels - then try to get life back to something like normal.

[smileyK]

you tried contacting the NAS ,they know the right in law experts if need pointing in that current direction? or NAS may know who you need to contact ,will pass you on to right source for support/help? do you think he has outstanding mental health issues? depression,anger? may if he writes to security guard to explain how sorry he is in how he reacted he just totally panicked and freaked out at being chased ( sounds common flight or fight reaction which natural response)

 

has he had much support regarding his PDA/ASD,ADHD ? is he on medication for his ADHD ? does he struggle much manage his anxiety levels normal situations or ADHD? how comes CAMHS have discharged him? as didn't feel he needed the support they provided? how are his SEN school assuming it EBD issues related so have high level of support for his needs? could school support,help regarding his outburst situation maybe? or again help search point in right situation? got chase all leads ,possibilities to accessing support does he have a understanding,supportive SENCO? have they been informed on current situation?

 

XKLX

Edited January 16, 2014 by smileyK

[trekster]

As parents/carers of your grandson you have a legal right to an assessment for looking out for your grandson.

 

I know my anger issues are related to CPTSD and if someone tried to grab me I may hit out at them. When im really angry I am actually severely depressed and

shutting everyone else out because I hate myself so much. I have the added complication that meds tend to do the OPPOSITE to what they should so meds designed

to treat anxiety, depression, bacteria, fungal, insomnia and even antipsychotics. They have all caused severe behavioural problems in me. I am off benzoates because

behavioural problems is the main cause of having benzoate in both my diet and on my skin.

 

What would ease the confrontational aspect of a one to one situation? Many autistics find these situations confrontational. Would he allow you or his mum in the room

with him when speaking to CAHMS?

 

NAS information on PDA;

 

The main features of PDA are:

• obsessively resisting ordinary demands
• appearing sociable on the surface but lacking depth in their understanding (often recognised by parents early on)
• excessive mood swings, often switching suddenly
• comfortable (sometimes to an extreme extent) in role play and pretending
• language delay, seemingly as a result of passivity, but often with a good degree of 'catch-up'
• obsessive behaviour, often focused on people rather than things.

A large proportion of, but not all, people with PDA can have real problems controlling their temper. As children, this can take the form of prolonged tantrums and violent outbursts, as well as less dramatic avoidance strategies like distraction, giving excuses etc. It is essential to see these outbursts as extreme anxiety or 'panic attacks' and to treat them as such, with reassurance, calming strategies and de-escalation techniques.

Sometimes a child with PDA can appear very anxious at home but remain relatively passive at school (a learnt coping strategy). In situations like this, parents are likely to feel very isolated and inadequate. In other cases, outbursts are far worse at school, where demands may be much greater, and this can lead to multiple exclusions at an early age. For some children, this anxiety can develop to such an extent that they become school refusers.

 

It is important to remember that PDA is not caused by a person's upbringing or their social circumstances and it is not the fault of the parents or the individual with the condition.

 

One of the most important reasons for distinguishing PDA from other conditions is to ensure that the child receives the correct educational approach. Best practice differs fundamentally between children with PDA and children with autism. The use of structured teaching methods, which are so successful for people with autism and Asperger syndrome, are usually much less helpful for people with PDA.

 

also this website; http://www.pdacontact.org.uk/noframes/guidelines.shtml

 

ADHD website: http://www.addiss.co.uk/

 

Hope these links help.