Moving house

[millbeck]

I'm new to this forum and just wanted some opinions on my current situation from people who understand the aspergers perspective on life.

 

I'm an adult living with my parents and we're trying to move house which is very stressful to anybody but especially to someone like me who finds change difficult. To make it worse my grandad died while the house was for sale and my grandmother now wants us to move near her (50 miles from where I live now).

 

My mum really wants to move there but it's where I grew up and went to school and I hated it. I didn't know I had aspergers until years after I'd moved away and as a result of my "weirdness" I left school with no real friends but a lot of resentment and mutual dislike between me and the people I was at school with. The idea of going back and seeing them all again really makes me want to live anywhere but there but my family just see it as I'm being ridiculous and it was years ago.

 

Can anyone else relate to not wanting to be around people from your past? I've learnt that certain things are and aren't exceptable and how to appear more "normal" but if I go back the people there know me from before so remember every odd and embarrassing thing I did so i can't just start fresh like I could if we moved somewhere else.

[BelLocke]

My husband also has Aspergers and we're going through a very similar scenario right now. He's realized he can't live in our flat because of noisy neighbors, so we're moving back in with his parents temporarily, and then moving into his old childhood home which they still own in the new year. He had a very hard time at school, got kicked out, bullied, etc so he's carrying a lot of baggage from those days. However, other than having the freedom of having a house to ourselves, he said what's made him feel more comfortable with the idea of moving back to that place is because of how long it has been. Chances are that the people he knew from those days have already moved on and may have even moved away themselves. He also thinks that if they're still in the area that they're very unlikely to recognize him because he's aged and changed since then. You say it's been years since you lived there, so maybe it could be the same for you?

I also understand what it is to recall every embarrassing moment you've had in the past, but (and this is my own personal experience) chances are those people may not even remember you or those moments. I've had people from my past who were horrible to me suddenly appearing, acting nice like we'd always been good friends. Time has a way of changing people.

Moving is stressful for anyone, so good luck and I hope that everything turns out for the best. I'm sure there are others here who may have some good advice for you too.

[millbeck]

Thanks for replying. It's reassuring to know I'm not the only one who feels like this and I know your right and they probably wouldn't even recognise me but my self esteems so low I just feel I don't want to be around people who could make me feel even worse.

Your husbands really lucky to have a wife who understands him like you. It's hard to find people who understand aspergers and how it makes generally stressful situations almost unbearable. My mums great and tries to understand why I don't like the idea of moving back but I know she wants to be there for my grandmother too so she's finding it hard at the minute.

I think we'll end up moving back but I just needed to hear from people who understand why this is hard for me so thanks again for taking the time to reply.