I reject my diagnosis

[Laddo]

This is something I've been playing around in my mind for a while. In my case, I don't think of Asperger's as a medical condition, rather a different personality type. Yes, I have some weaknesses in socialising (which, I suspect, have been exacerbated by always being told I'm a different, a freak) but I also have many strengths. Why, then, should I be classed as being Asperger's when other personality types aren't seen as a diagnosable condition that at the end of the day must be treated? Why must I have that label and categorised into a little box? It only leads to people making false assumptions about me based on negative and incorrect stereotypes in the media. I frequently see people say 'X behaviour is Asperger's' when I have seen people who most definitely are not Asperger's exhibit similar behaviour. There are also a large number of diagnostic criteria for Asperger's that don't apply to me, yet I am still somehow classed as having the condition.

 

As well as this, to me, the purpose of a diagnosis is to make accessing relevant support easier. Yet it is near-impossible for adults diagnosed with Asperger's in my area to get any kind of support without having to pay a substantial amount of wonga towards some organisation or another. I was diagnosed as a child but I didn't get any helpful support then, either. No, I was put on heavy doses of Ritalin, a drug which is essentially a legal version of cocaine and carries all the same side effects and risks of addiction. (It is no surprise that I have struggled with addiction to alcohol and drugs in the past.) This led to me being put on a massive, bulky heart monitor which further added to the humiliation of constantly being told I'm different to the other children and always excluded from them. I was forced to sit at a desk away from all the other kids. I had teachers calling me mental to the other kids. When anything went wrong at the school, it was always blamed on me, because I was the 'mental kid' (despite there being quite a few 'mental kids at my school, some of whom are now in prison). So why was I always singled out? It is simple. Those other kids who frequently misbehaved were largely not diagnosed with ASD, ADD, ADHD or even AC/DC. No, because they didn't carry any labels they were seen as normal kids by the school who were just a bit of a handful. I had no time to myself because an LSA would constantly follow me around at break times.

 

Did anyone ever think to ask me why I misbehaved? No. It was always just a case of 'you're mental, that's why. Let's punish you by publicly humiliating you, turning all the other kids against you and physically isolating you from your friends'. All that humiliation really does ruin your self-esteem. It can also lead you to start believing everything you have been told about yourself - you're a freak, you're broken, you're insane, you're a bad person... And those feelings carry on into adulthood, making it even harder to develop friendships, which leads to loneliness, which inevitably leads to unsavoury behaviour such as drinking and taking drugs cut with God-knows what.

 

I don't mean to rant, but this is something I feel strongly about. I hope that if anyone else who has had similar experiences reads this, they might start to question just how much good being labelled as Asperger's has actually done them. So there we go - I reject my diagnosis of Asperger's. From now on, all I will think of myself as is introverted. And that's fine. It's okay to be introverted, even if the media frequently tells us it is not. We're living in an extraverts' world and they want things to be good for them and them only.

 

I will still post on this forum as it is good to speak to people I have things in common with, but from now on my stance is I'm different, not Asperger's.

[matzoball]

Different - not less

[The Exodus]

When I heard about Aspergers, I honestly thought of it as something entirely different to what it actually is. When I found that it may be possible that I also possess traits of an Aspie, it came as a half shock to me because I was misinformed and thought that it was far more noticeable or prominent than it actually is. As it turns out, I was told that it was something that it quite hard to pick out, people with the condition act entirely different to one another and just appear to be normal. The way I see it, it's not something that should make you feel bad, rather make you feel as though you fit in with a more select group of people. I'm actually worried right now because I feel I might not have it, not because I do. Think of it as an inner circle for a more superior intellect. It occurred to me that those on the autism spectrum are, in some cases, higher functioning than those that are simply part of the norm. In those respects, I consider Aspergers a potentially more evolved state of mind.

 

These aren't things that make me feel arrogant or convey delusions of grandeur; this is just the way I see my condition and the way I feel others that happen to suffer from the same condition should view it. So, to conclude, be proud of the title. Think of it as an honour rather than a thorn in your side.

 

Different - not less

 

Variety is the spice of life.

[Laddo]

I don't feel bad about being different. What I mean is my diagnosis has brought me nothing but trouble from the assumptions people make about anyone with any sort of psychological differences. Why is being a selfish, greedy psychopath like so many politicians acceptable but being introverted and not always understanding social stuff unacceptable? I guess I'm just furiously frustrated with the injustice and inequality that runs rampant throughout the planet.

[Laddo]

Incidentally, frustration with inequality directed at me was the main reason why I acted up in school, but because I had that oh-so-damning Asperger's label, people wrongly believed I was just nuts without knowing anything about me. Also, does anyone ever find so-called 'normal' people frequently trying to contradict you about something when you know you're right? It seems to be some kind of knee-jerk response that as I'm not 'normal', people need to display their arrogant feelings of superiority over me. So so tired of it all. I just want it to end

[Laddo]

I've just realised that this post could be seen as offensive to those who have embraced their diagnosis. I'm sorry if I have offended anyone - I really didn't mean to. Maybe I should class myself as Asperger's myself - I certainly can relate in some way or another to almost every aspie I've met, both online and in real life. I agree with The Exodus' view that Asperger's represents a higher, more evolved state of mind. After all, aspies are renowned for their honesty and loyalty and at the end of the day those traits can only be a good thing.

 

So yeah, I take back what I said about rejecting the diagnosis and would like to embrace my fellow aspies as my spiritual brothers and sisters.

[Mihaela]

As someone still seeking a (very) late diagnosis, I can see this from both sides. An early diagnosis (in childhood) if not sensitively treated by others, such as teachers, peers, etc. could easily result in what amounts to discrimination. However, if that diagnosis is missed, such as in my case - for AS was unrecognised in those times - we still suffer discrimination and exploitation, not because they know we have AS, but simply because we are 'different' to them in ways they notice but can't, and wouldn't want to, understand.

In other words we are vulnerable to discrimination and exploitation whether or not we have had a diagnosis. Any blame must always fall on our persecutors in the NT world, or rather with the NT mindset itself. I've suffered quite unbelievable discrimination and vilification throughout my life, beginning with teachers and children and leading on to my short period in paid work (I was a whistleblower), and onto the actions of various state agencies and individuals. My only shield against this onslaught of heartless stupidity - and that's an accurate description - was my very personality itself, as well as the support of my parents. I had no idea that I had AS, but I knew I was very different; I thought very differently to them; I used my intelligence very differently; I felt very differently - I cared so much more about suffering and injustice; I had very strong principles; I was far more sensitive (in many ways) and I 'lived in my own world' often despising what I used to call the 'adult world' for the way it behaves, not only towards me but towards its own. I now know that I have a cluster of traits, a syndrome, identifying me as Aspie, and therefore non-neurotypical, and that feared 'adult world' is the highly dysfunctional neurotypical world. For me, that comes as a very welcome revelation and I have the best weapon of all for stopping my persecutors in their tracks and at last ending my life of victimisation. It has empowered me, and enabled me to meet and help others like me.

[Laddo]

Not all NTs as individuals are bad. I've met many good ones so far and I'm sure I will meet many more, plus I do identify with some NT ways of thinking. This is one reason why I'm so confused about my diagnosis - it's like I'm half aspie, half NT. I'm a hybrid, a mutant. I haven't really heard of that happening before. But mainstream society, a neurotypical product, is very broken. However, quite a few NTs, especially in my generation, are questioning the inequality bestowed on them. This is why I believe there will be change soon - tensions are running high in young people and that will hopefully be passed on to the new generation.

 

Unless of course UKIP gets into power. Then we're all in big trouble and I will be saying goodbye to the United Kingdom.

[UnusualPatronus]

Keep editing this message.

 

Just trying to say I'm glad you've turned your thinking around.

[Mihaela]

Not all NTs as individuals are bad. I've met many good ones so far and I'm sure I will meet many more, plus I do identify with some NT ways of thinking.

 

Of course they're not! And even most of the 'bad' ones are well-meaning; they are just ignorant. And, yes, so have I, and so do I. I'd even say that most Aspies identify with some NT ways of thinking; not unusual at all. However, this doesn't mean that we don't satisfy enough of the AS diagnostic criteria. This especially applies to Aspies with predominantly 'female-type' traits, who until recently have been overlooked, for they can be quite subtle, and we're likely to appear superficially 'normal'.

This is one reason why I'm so confused about my diagnosis - it's like I'm half aspie, half NT. I'm a hybrid, a mutant. I haven't really heard of that happening before.

By definition, all Aspies will be at least partly NT. If you read up on 'female-type' traits as much as I've done - you won't be confused. I'm certainly not.

But mainstream society, a neurotypical product, is very broken. However, quite a few NTs, especially in my generation, are questioning the inequality bestowed on them. This is why I believe there will be change soon - tensions are running high in young people and that will hopefully be passed on to the new generation.

I hope you're right, for a glance at history proves that any reaction against radical change is always very strong and sometimes violent. The forces of power and wealth have a very loud voice and stop at nothing to protect their interests. Any form of ethical behaviour is alien to them. I mix with many young NTs, and I enjoy discussing serious issues with them. Some of my most interesting conversations can be with 11-16 year olds, and yes, they give me hope. However, they would have equally done so decades ago, but something gradually goes sour when they make the transition into adult life. New circumstances and adult responsibilities make them comply with society's pressures to conform with the status quo. Their idealism fades away into their pasts along with their youth.

I don't want to sound pessimistic, but I'm trying to be realistic. Of course, positive, life-affirming changes do take place in society, but they tend to be small and happen very slowly. The areas most stubbornly resistant to change are those closest to the hearts of the ruling elites, and relate to the very ways in which society is run and controlled, and are the ultimate cause of all that is wrong, rotten and life-negating in society. Governments eulogise economic 'progress' above all else - and at the expense of our humanity and the natural order. The only true progress is that which works towards achieving a truly civilised society. We still have a long way to go.

Edited November 21, 2014 by Mihaela