mentally fragile autistic son has disappeared

[florrie]

MY 17 year old asd son has disappeared, after argument and misunderstanding with my ex partner, the social services want to put him in b and b 20 miles away in a big city we live in small town, away from friends and support network that he has. I can't cope with him, because of my own difficulites and his agression toward me, I offered tohave him with me, but he absolultely refuses and I agree, so I'm not being horrible by saying that.

 

all I want are his needs met, but social services don't understand those needs and his mental health already fragile has become worse.

 

We saw his psychologist last month who said there is no support for autistic adults at present, my ex partner feels this is unacceptable and is getting very angry with everyone which I don't think helps, he has found a legal document that says people with asds are entitled to proper housing, but they got angry when he told them and said that I had no difficulties apart from anxiety, and I know that is what my gp said, even though I have been diagnosed with an asd, he wouldn't accept it because it was private, I get the impression he doesn't think these things exist, I'm not in a position to change gp , because I was struck off after suicide attempt 5 years ago and have been too afraid to go since, so my ex partner deals with it.My Gp has agreed to refer me to a professional who specialises in asds but only because I had a letter acknowledging the seriousness of the situation, but I wouldn't be surprised if the referral never takes place, it is almost as if they want to tip me over the edge. I asked for a referral 3 years ago to an asperger clinic and the referral never took place. I feel these people do what they like to you if they feel you can't fight back.

 

My ex partner is seeing MP tommorrow so I really hope we get something moving for my son,

 

On a wider note I don't think any of us should accept the inappropriate treatment by people with no understanding of asds which increases their suffering, my ex partner says it is human rights abuse. I'd be interested to know if other s agree and what we can do, because there is potential time bomb ticking away, as all these children will become adults.

[oracle]

Fist of all <'> Florrie <'>

 

In answer to your question yes I totally agree with you and yes I also agree that we do have a time bomb ticking away here.

 

My group Autism-in-Mind have only just written to MP's Bev Hughes and Andrew Adonis, along with NAS and PACE, about the importance of trained people, who have knowledge and understanding of the condition, dealing with families and adults of people with ASD. Most of the professionals go for the quick fix route, in this case putting your son in a B&B miles away, which just proves they have no understand of what change and upheaval can do to our loved ones with ASD? To them it is a solution to those of us who truly do understand it's not even papering over the cracks it's lighting a fuse on a bomb waiting to explode.

 

I am a firm believer that this 'time bomb' will explode and I worry that the solution is going to be drastic and one that most parents do not even wish to consider, but unless we do it will happen.

 

Already we have kids with AS being forced through a system that neither wants them, understands them or can cope with them. More and more of our children are having serious mental health issues. This will lead to more and more adults with serious mental health issues. ASD is NOT a mental health issue. It only becomes one when people who do not know their subject fail our children and our adults.

 

I just wish that that the true experts would be listened to. Sadly Florrie I have no answers for you but I do think that your ex partner is doing the right thing going to see your MP. I do have a contact. A lady whose own son has AS and she runs a group called Aspergers Action. She is very pro-active and if you would like to speak to her I will mail her.

 

I really hope that they find your son soon Florrie.

 

Take Care Florrie

 

Carole

Edited August 5, 2005 by carole

[call me jaded]

Yes, it's a Human Rights issue. I personally believe the NHS is one of the most discriminatory institutions there is.

 

So sorry to hear your son is missing. Hope you hear from him soon. Sending positive vibes!

[lil_me]

Sorry to hear about this, I really hope he is ok and that you hear from him soon and things are sorted for him properly.

[nellie]

Florrie, <'> <'>

 

I am so sorry. I echo everything Carole has said. I have supported some parents with adult sons and daughters and some of the stories are heartbreaking. I find the lack of understanding by professionals to be quite frightening.

 

I'm sorry I don't have any answers. I did have some success on one occasion by showing the following to SS, they brought in a professional with some experience in ASD. It might be worth a try.

 

Taking Responsibility: Good practice guidelines for services

http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=368&a=3925

 

I hope your son is found soon and that he gets appropriate support.

 

Take care

 

Nellie xx

[baddad]

Hi florrie -

Little to add to what's already been said other than very, very best wishes <'>

Only other thing I can think of is contacting all/any support networks and organistions in your area to see if any of them could offer any sort of supported accommmodation. Many residential home providers now offer 'halfway' houses, set up to enable independent living as far as is practical, but with support going in as neccessary to help in those areas where it's needed...

This kind of provision is thin on the ground, but there may be something in your area. Also depends, of course, on your sons assessment and ability to purchase the support through dla/direct payments, but if you know whats needed you can then put wheels in motion to achieve it.

Hope he's home soon

L&P

BD

[florrie]

Thank you for your help and support everyone,my son has come back but is very depressed, he was attacked by some people who run a business where my ex partner lives, and my ex partner had thought it was him, but it wasn't, all he wants is a job he can cope with, but he can't cope or understand the system that exists to get one, and I can't cope with it either, he won't acknowledge that he has autism and I've realised i have to try and respect his wishes but it is very difficult, because I have an overwhelming sense of fear for him.

 

The MP doesn't sound as if he is going to be helpful which is demoralising, my ex partner got 3 minutes, but did leave him with a briefing pack which was 7 pages, perhaps too long if someone isn't interested, My ex partner has said my son can stay with him a bit longer which takes the urgency off the situation for a bit, although I'm worried in case there is repeat while he is away with these people picking on my son until he flips.

 

Have to see what to do next and see whether my partner will continue to support this cause, he has become outraged when the psychologist said there is nothing for autistic adults in the system, because autistic people can't articulate their needs effectively it gets ignored, but whether he will continue I don't know because he is very busy, but I reckon he could be quite effective with others that are aiming for the same, I don't think one person can do it, it needs team work. I'm quite good at research in some areas, but can't apply it or communicate it effectively, I pass everything on to my ex partner.

 

I feel really strongly that the system needs to be change to accomodate autistic people high functioning autistic people and aspergers needs, because I feel many will develop mental health problems as a result like me and my son and that is not right

 

Thanks nellie for link to document, I've sent it to Ken my ex partner

[florrie]

Just to clarify, the incident that occured was when my son was camping in the garden, because in his mind he thought that was leaving home, and he was attacked by butchers with butchers knife, however the story that was given to Ken by butchers was different, which is why he lost his temper withmy son. I found out the true story by my other son who had seen some of it, My autistic son can't articulate what is happening and just gets aggressive.