child's school workbook..?

[sslo82]

Hi, quick question. I have been looking through my daughter's school workbooks and she writes comments in them herself. One thing was an experiment they'd done and she had written really honestly about the result being boring with 'wasn't it?' next to it.. How it had wasted her time! Then there seem to be other little 'chats' now and then about not having time to finish certain bits in the book or comments on getting something right. They are quite funny really but I'm not sure if other kids would do this kind of thing. Wondered if anyone has seen this before. My daughter has been referred but no diagnosis yet. Thanks. :-)

[Livelife]

This is her way of expressing herself and she is just being honest isn't she. She may or may not have autism but does that really matter she is the same as she always has been and encouraging somebody to be honest and allowing them to find what suites them personally should be supported. Schools will try to change children to fit into the way they think they should be not what they need to be. This can only lead to many problems that could then be with her for life and effect everything she ever does.

If she is autistic then she will never be any different so you need to support her in the way she needs if other children don't do it that doesn't matter does it she's your daughter and has her unique ways.

If you try to force her to do what she is incapable of then she is going to have a very unhappy school life and home life if she feels pressure to have to be different than what feels natural to her. Take from somebody who has experienced this let her discover who she is otherwise she has a life of heartbreak ahead of her.

[sslo82]

Thanks for your reply, we don't intend on changing her ways at all, however as we are going through with the referral we feel there are more and more things that are a bit 'quirky' and write them down. However sometimes I don't know whether other kids do the same things. My mum once commented on something my daughter had written next to her spellings and said that is what some of the aspergers kids she used to work with would have done. I love her little comments and it shows her personality! :-D

[Livelife]

I understand what your saying and of course it's the right thing for her. The trouble will be when more people who claim to be experts gets involved. There is a lot of good and useful help and advice available but as you will see in the posts here parents have a lot of problems when getting what they know to be best for their children. I suppose I am saying don't be persuaded to do something that doesn't feel right or if your daughter isn't progressing how she should at any stage don't let anybody tell you different. What I've learned is that taking advice when it didn't feel right ended badly because I listened to those who claimed to know more but in reality it wasn't right for me. There is no right or wrong way things are the way they are but listen to your own instincts it's the best help you will ever receive.

[trekster]

If her comments can appear upsetting, rude or blunt to others then i would say it could be an ASD trait. The teacher might consider her comments 'cheeky' or 'backchat'. My nursery school teacher considered me an unusual character but she liked unusual characters.

[sslo82]

Hi, some of them do seem a bit too honest /blunt/rude... It was not something I'd thought about before but when I kept seeing then as well as making me giggle I did think oh crumbs they seem so cheeky! 8^D I am just hoping her teachers will understand that she'll comment on their comments.. I'm not sure how they'll cope with the comments about things being boring etc..!! Although she's probably right!

[Livelife]

When anybody on the spectrum makes a comment if it isn't agreed with or is what is done by others not on the spectrum then they are expected not to do this. A term said to me is that isn't done in polite society, there are lots of things that shouldn't be done like discrimination bullying isolation and intimidation or taking advantage but it still happens a lot of the time by those that make such comments.

There is no answer whatever she does its how her brain was formed before she was born and trying to do anything other than support her even if the school or others complain will damage her in some way especially her self worth.

There are cultures where you can have several wives in this country you would be charged, here you can have a drink of alcohol in others you can't. The fact is that this you don't tell other people in other country's how they should live and enforce your standards on them they would defend their right to do it and rightly so.

Autism is not a mental illness it's just a different way of living and is not excepted by the majority of people, if it were more of us could do a lot more than we do and certainly be employed. We are not wanted because we are different and offend people because we do things differently. We are not mentally ill criminals or offend any laws and are still not excepted. If this was done to a different race then there are laws to protect them under racism for us there is nothing.

[trekster]

If you can teach her better ways of expressing herself, eg instead of "the work was boring" she could write "i didnt enjoy this task". Still saying in a roundabout way that a task is boring.Alternatively she could have a journal to write down how shes feeling and whats shes thinking which can be discussed with an understanding teacher or yourself if you feel able. In the journal she could write "mondays science class found the result of the experiment boring"

 

Unfortunately as she gets older people who dont understand autism are likely to take offence, in the past my objections to particular tasks in class have been dismissed in quite hurtful ways. They thought that i thought i was better than them (i dont) because i was questioning the tasks as i didnt see the point in completing them. Even worse the longer you are diagnosed the more people expect you to 'know better', what they dont understand is the amount of sustained mental effort it takes and telling an autistic to 'just try harder' is counter-productive and eventually leads to really ill mental health

 

It's a fine line and a balancing act but identifying her needs and finding the support you both need early on is likely to prevent problems like what ive described above from happening in the future.

[Livelife]

If you can teach her better ways of expressing herself, eg instead of "the work was boring" she could write "i didnt enjoy this task". Still saying in a roundabout way that a task is boring.Alternatively she could have a journal to write down how shes feeling and whats shes thinking which can be discussed with an understanding teacher or yourself if you feel able. In the journal she could write "mondays science class found the result of the experiment boring"

 

Unfortunately as she gets older people who dont understand autism are likely to take offence, in the past my objections to particular tasks in class have been dismissed in quite hurtful ways. They thought that i thought i was better than them (i dont) because i was questioning the tasks as i didnt see the point in completing them. Even worse the longer you are diagnosed the more people expect you to 'know better', what they dont understand is the amount of sustained mental effort it takes and telling an autistic to 'just try harder' is counter-productive and eventually leads to really ill mental health

 

It's a fine line and a balancing act but identifying her needs and finding the support you both need early on is likely to prevent problems like what ive described above from happening in the future.

I would agree with that for her sake as people are not understanding and very hurtful at times.

For me its too late I will never trust people again at nearly 50 it's not as if I can re educate myself and find a vocation. Sometimes you have to except the situation who will employ me dismissed on incapacity due to autism.

[trekster]

if i could find voluntary work to help me full time or long term instead of paid work then i would.

[Livelife]

I had paid work for over thirty years then I lost it due to incapacity when I was diagnosed. Doing voluntary work is fine when you choose to do it. How can you say somebody is not able to work paid but do the same job unpaid what's the difference in health and safety.

You talk about self worth then give me a job like I have been doing since I was sixteen not take me from it take away my ability to support myself then say you can do this as long as I don't have to pay you.

If that's society and what young people with autism have to endure all our efforts at self respect and independent financial support are lost.

[trekster]

It's to do with the hours and less pressure doing voluntary work.