Defiant behaviour

[squishychick]

Hope someone can help. Joshua (6) has recently become very defiant to me and hubby. We are not sure why - is it just a 6 thing? But its difficult as we are on hols as well - is it a change thing? Has anyone else had similar problems and if so how have you weathered the storm. He's become very rude, argumentative and greedy in a material sort of way. hes also forgetting his pleases and thank yous which he was so good at. The biggest problem is arguing that he's right when he's not and he's got no idea what he's talking about. Its causing so many rows at home - help me please.

[Brook]

Hi Squishychick,

 

Maybe it is a six thing, our son is becoming quite defiant

Before he was so timid, and I was worried that he never stood up for himself.

Well the last couple of months he has really come out of himself

 

If we tell him to stop doing something he says "shut up", he then puts his hand too his mouth as if to say oops!! He has started to climb on everything, and no amount of telling him to "get down" seems to work.

 

Someone only has to say something trivial like "take your feet off the settee" and he will respond with "shut up, your evil" he actually sounds more like a teenager, and sounds like that 'Kevin' on the TV

 

It really is a marked change in him, we withdrew him from school in March, and hoped to build his confidence up, maybe its built up too much

 

I have been home edding him, but have also stopped for the holidays, and to be honest we have not really done much yet, so I think some of it is due to the change in routine and lack of structure, but also I think some of it is just finding his feet a bit more.

 

I have found the best reaction is to stay very calm, as I have noticed that if he gets a response it adds fuel to the fire

 

I know its hard to get your head round new behaviours, but hopefully we can weather the current storm

 

Brook

[lil_me]

My sons 6 now and becomes more defiant by the day, but the worst is his NT brother who is 4, he keeps putting his nose to mine and screaming at me and every time anyone tells him off he is just cheeky in return. I am too sick of being told to 'shut up' or 'naughty mammy' for telling them off.

 

So today I am going back to a system that worked before, they are both getting sticker charts for their rooms, with a treat promise if they get a full chart (they've both been glued to the new argos catalogue since it came out) It does mean the occasional tantrum at first when they realise I won't give in and they don't get a stickeer if they are naughty but it worked last time. Rewarding the good behaviour, as I have found especially this week that punishing the bad behaviour just isn't working at all.

[Viper]

Your sons sound just like mine, he shouts shut up all the time. He has just had a pre DX of oppositional defiance disorder or ODD.

 

It may help to look up the subject. I will find you some links.

 

Viper.

[Viper]

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...st=0entry5915

 

Take a look at this thread, it might help.

 

Viper.

[loulou]

Hi,

 

Kai (6) is super defiant at the moment, he always has been but not to this extent. He answers back and will argue with you until the cows come home. He also thinks he is right all the time.

 

I don't give in to him, but i have a major battle on my hands trying to persuade him to do something.

 

His latest line is, "Oh, shut up you old hag!". He's been listening to the "Twits" and has learnt it from there. Lovely

 

loulou x

[squishychick]

Thanks for the advice. Have to say I've ben avoiding ODD as he already has AS/ADHD didn't want any more comorbids but after today...

 

He has argued everything with my husband today and called him mean when he hasn't given in. We had a long chat with him today about how rude he's being and we got the sorry mummy won't happen again stuff. I think he's dreadfully tired as well, but can't get him to sleep. He's now sat (sort of) on the sofa while I'm doing this in the hope that sheer boredom can make him go to sleep for a bit. Bruce is so fed up he's in tears and I just want to bang my head against the wall

That feels better

 

Goning to try the sticker charts again and maybe even withdraw treats if that doesn't work. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone in this

[Viper]

Hi squish, (hope you don't mind me calling you that )

 

Something struck me about what you just wrote. We can't actually talk to Ben, even when he is calm without there being an incident. If we mention the subject of his rude behaviour he tells us to shut up or say's "I really don't care" So there is a difference from your son. You can reason with him even if it doesn't last

 

Viper.

[punky]

when my six year old started this, I tried being overly nice and giving him an awful lot of affection, and he seemed to get a lot from it. so as it seemed to work i thought it must be a stress thing

[squishychick]

Thanks to everyone for their support.

 

Viper you are right - we can reason with him. Now looking at that as a positive - even though he's not gone to bed and is still banging around the house at 10.30pm.

 

We do give him a lot of praise and love - always have done as I've seen what low self esteem can do.

 

He fell asleep on the sofa through boredom as I thought he would. He's obviously tired - but you try telling him that

 

Got a doctors appointment on Monday so will investigate the iron as well. Already use DHA willing to try anything.