Coping with expensive mistakes -

[Tez]

My Step-son has filled his dad's diesel car with petrol. Both my husband and I are unconcerned. Mistakes happen and we have already dealt with the repurcusions - it's a company car, my husband has told his employer who just laughed and we've made an insurance claim.

 

Problem is my Step-son can't forgive himself. He's already on suicide watch, thinks he's a useless waste of space and doesn't see why he should still be on this earth. From his reaction we are both worried that he might do something stupid. He has a history of self-harm (slashing his chest with a knife, deliberately burning himself)- and has expressed his intention to end his life if things don't improve.

 

Rational talk won't work. Apparently 120,000 people a year in the UK put the wrong fuel in their car, but he can't see that this means it is a mistake anyone can make, to him only someone who has no right to be on this earth would do such a thing. He's now huddled away in his bed-sit with his phone set to answer phone. He did respond to a message I left on it, so I know he's not done anything yet; but any advice on how to help him would be appreciated.

[Delyth]

Oh Dear - that is such a big worry for you. It might be a good idea to phone the Samaritans? or a MIND helpline where you can talk through the options that are available to you.

 

Hope you get some help.

[nellie]

Tez,

 

I am so sorry. I would think there is more to it than just this incident. It could be the straw that broke the camels back.

 

It may be best to seek professional advice, your son in law may be reluctant but you could seek advice. You have my sympathy, my son was suicidal, it's very difficult to know how to 'play it'. I found not putting pressure on him helped but letting him know we were there for him.

 

I hope you get some support with this.

 

Nellie <'>

[andrwg]

I exaggerate my feeling of responsibility, I am always charging myself guilty when something happens. Eg when I was seven, I and a comrade accidentally crashed together in schoolyard. I felt very guilty, and it was not only my fault.

I react similarly today; I am now forty-two.

 

I find it still very difficult to forgive myself. Rational talk has no impact, the thoughts of guilt work hard in my brain, and they remain in my mind for a rather long time. If my mother says don't think of it anymore, it will take hours or days, eventually weeks before I again is put in mental balance. Having often the ideas of having said or done something wrong, this is one of the dark sides of my asperger mind. This state of mind puts me off, I get depressed and very sad.

But I am most often indeed happy

Edited August 20, 2005 by andrwg