Jump to content
  • Announcements

    • Kris

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team
Canopus

Do parents of children with AS overvalue their intelligence?

Recommended Posts

Canopus   

Do parents of kids with AS overvalue and overrate their academic intelligence? My mother used to go round with an attitude "You're Clever!" when I was a kid so obsessed and worried about GCSEs but at the same time did not focus sufficient attention on my personal development apart from sending me to an unsuitable and unhelpful residential school. Her stance was as long as I got GCSEs I could then move onto the next stage in life. If I don't get GCSEs then it will be a waste of a good brain as I will never be able to get a good job or go to university. I have seen a similar phenomena repeated with other families with kids with AS. Everything is about GCSEs and very little attention is directed towards personal development for life as an adult.

I have now ended up as an unhappy adult with GCSEs that I no longer value and don't even want anymore. I'm not alone and I know other adults with AS who are unhappy and also have good qualifications, including A Levels and degrees, that they no longer want or care about. The sad thing about qualifications is they they cannot be sold for money like unwanted physical goods can. An adult can always sell an unwanted sports trophy they won at school or university but they cannot sell their unwanted GCSEs or degree. They all say the same thing that their parents overvalued their intelligence and wish that the time spent on academics in their youthful days was instead spent on personal development.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
noogsy   

i think it is true that we concentrate on getting the exams with our kids.i did it  with my kids not because i valued exams (i dont have exams??) but society values exams and everything does seem to hang off them :( .i wish that they weren't important.i wish i knew of a better way.my son got all his standard grades and all his highers he is now at university doing computing.he is happy just now but i worry about his future.will he cope with a really working life( i have not) will he crash and burn at obstacles ( i have)my parents didn't care about us as kids we weren't encouraged and were ignored.both my parents were addicts :( i have tried to be a great parent and have spent all my time concentrating on my asd kids.i dont know if asd people are ever really happy?or content possibly.we are always searching for happiness i dont know if its our parents fault or for that matter the fact we were educated and got our exams. i have to say people who haven't  finished off there education when they are perfectly capable arent well thought of either?but can be successful if not respected by their peers.if you were a artist but didnt go to art school it is tricky with employers.so i think inner happiness is about more than just education and parents pushing us along.it a much bigger whole thing. <3 it is a interesting subject x

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
KezT   

I don't think this is restricted to parents of AS kids.  Many parents will emphasise the importance of exams - because they are quite important in  many aspects of your future life.  I try to be balanced with my kids - concentrate on getting exams at school, as it is by far the easiest time to get them.  Teachers on tap, everything (almost) paid for.  Lots of peers doing the same as you.  However, it is not the end of your life if it doesn't work out at 16 years old.  I know many people who didn't get their GCSEs at 16, but went on to be very successful in life.  they all did get their exams eventually though:/  Without GCSEs you are unlikely to be able to get many jobs, and so you will have restricted what you can do - finding something you enjoy will be harder, and parents want their kids to find jobs they enjoy!. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Canopus   

There was a user called Oxgirl on here a few years ago who regretted going down the GCSE path for her son. She wrote:

I think you're absolutely right that a lot of NT children gain a lot socially from being at school. Unfortunately, for our AS children the exact opposite is often the case. All my son learned socially from being at school was that he was 'weird', that he didn't fit in and that nobody wanted to be his friend. He went through six years of isolation and rejection and it permanently scarred him, I believe.

Before he started there he had two years home education and his self-esteem was still intact, all destroyed by the school environment we put him into in the mistaken belief that it would be beneficial for him to have the chance to gain GCSEs. Now he has a number of A grade GCSEs which are not worth the paper they are written on because his self-confidence and belief and social and communication skills are so broken by the experience he had to go through in order to attain the pieces of paper that he has not a chance of securing a job. I recently pushed him into applying for a job at Sainsburys, a new store they are building near us; they need hundreds and hundreds of staff, we were assured. Apparently though he didn't have the 'skills' to stack shelves for 10 hours a week. What hope does he have of securing any other job if he can't even get through an interview for that.

And

But what if they get A grade at GCSE but have no social or communication skills so can't actually USE them to get a job, they aren't worth the paper they are written on. I would happily shred my son's certificates if he could have one friend, just one.

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?/topic/29764-as-not-coping-with-school/&page=5

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My parents totally ignored my disabilities. They really seemed to think that if I did well at school and passed exams everything would be alright. They didn't think beyond that, about what sort of career I might have taken up. They only cared about academic stuff and failed to see that the education I really needed was in social areas. Thinking about it afterwards I concluded that they behaved in this way because they were teachers and couldn't think beyond what they'd been brainwashed with in university. I passed a few O-levels, which have never been of the slightest use to me. I had no intentions of carrying out my parents' dreams of further education as that just smacked of more school and I'd had enough of that. My first job was a disaster. I couldn't get on with the other staff. The boss was very kind and tried really hard to understand me but couldn't. I drifted round various other jobs before I realised that I did best working by myself. Even then, I had problems with time management etc. Because I seemed to be "bright" I was completely let down both by my parents and by the educational system. It was life skills I needed, not algebra. Ivan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
trekster   

hello all

I had a tough time at school, got 7 gcses B-C which im proud of and then took 7 years to get my A levels, another 7 to get my undergraduate degree and another 7 to get my postgraduate degree. i did other things though during my time at a university that didn't want me at first, disabled student of the year was one award, runner up social entrepreneur of the year was another and my graduation at my 3rd university last month. ive also set up my own support network for adults affected by autism and similar disabilities. We meet in a public place for cafe, cinema and pub groups and have just had out 7th Xmas meal. We set up a second group last April and already have 10 regular members. My volunteer work is enough for me to contribute to society, i do occasionally look for paid work, but struggle to get an interview and fill in forms.

Edited by trekster

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


×