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Do parents of children with AS overvalue their intelligence?

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Do parents of kids with AS overvalue and overrate their academic intelligence? My mother used to go round with an attitude "You're Clever!" when I was a kid so obsessed and worried about GCSEs but at the same time did not focus sufficient attention on my personal development apart from sending me to an unsuitable and unhelpful residential school. Her stance was as long as I got GCSEs I could then move onto the next stage in life. If I don't get GCSEs then it will be a waste of a good brain as I will never be able to get a good job or go to university. I have seen a similar phenomena repeated with other families with kids with AS. Everything is about GCSEs and very little attention is directed towards personal development for life as an adult.

I have now ended up as an unhappy adult with GCSEs that I no longer value and don't even want anymore. I'm not alone and I know other adults with AS who are unhappy and also have good qualifications, including A Levels and degrees, that they no longer want or care about. The sad thing about qualifications is they they cannot be sold for money like unwanted physical goods can. An adult can always sell an unwanted sports trophy they won at school or university but they cannot sell their unwanted GCSEs or degree. They all say the same thing that their parents overvalued their intelligence and wish that the time spent on academics in their youthful days was instead spent on personal development.

 

 

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i think it is true that we concentrate on getting the exams with our kids.i did it  with my kids not because i valued exams (i dont have exams??) but society values exams and everything does seem to hang off them :( .i wish that they weren't important.i wish i knew of a better way.my son got all his standard grades and all his highers he is now at university doing computing.he is happy just now but i worry about his future.will he cope with a really working life( i have not) will he crash and burn at obstacles ( i have)my parents didn't care about us as kids we weren't encouraged and were ignored.both my parents were addicts :( i have tried to be a great parent and have spent all my time concentrating on my asd kids.i dont know if asd people are ever really happy?or content possibly.we are always searching for happiness i dont know if its our parents fault or for that matter the fact we were educated and got our exams. i have to say people who haven't  finished off there education when they are perfectly capable arent well thought of either?but can be successful if not respected by their peers.if you were a artist but didnt go to art school it is tricky with employers.so i think inner happiness is about more than just education and parents pushing us along.it a much bigger whole thing. <3 it is a interesting subject x

 

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I don't think this is restricted to parents of AS kids.  Many parents will emphasise the importance of exams - because they are quite important in  many aspects of your future life.  I try to be balanced with my kids - concentrate on getting exams at school, as it is by far the easiest time to get them.  Teachers on tap, everything (almost) paid for.  Lots of peers doing the same as you.  However, it is not the end of your life if it doesn't work out at 16 years old.  I know many people who didn't get their GCSEs at 16, but went on to be very successful in life.  they all did get their exams eventually though:/  Without GCSEs you are unlikely to be able to get many jobs, and so you will have restricted what you can do - finding something you enjoy will be harder, and parents want their kids to find jobs they enjoy!. 

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There was a user called Oxgirl on here a few years ago who regretted going down the GCSE path for her son. She wrote:

I think you're absolutely right that a lot of NT children gain a lot socially from being at school. Unfortunately, for our AS children the exact opposite is often the case. All my son learned socially from being at school was that he was 'weird', that he didn't fit in and that nobody wanted to be his friend. He went through six years of isolation and rejection and it permanently scarred him, I believe.

Before he started there he had two years home education and his self-esteem was still intact, all destroyed by the school environment we put him into in the mistaken belief that it would be beneficial for him to have the chance to gain GCSEs. Now he has a number of A grade GCSEs which are not worth the paper they are written on because his self-confidence and belief and social and communication skills are so broken by the experience he had to go through in order to attain the pieces of paper that he has not a chance of securing a job. I recently pushed him into applying for a job at Sainsburys, a new store they are building near us; they need hundreds and hundreds of staff, we were assured. Apparently though he didn't have the 'skills' to stack shelves for 10 hours a week. What hope does he have of securing any other job if he can't even get through an interview for that.

And

But what if they get A grade at GCSE but have no social or communication skills so can't actually USE them to get a job, they aren't worth the paper they are written on. I would happily shred my son's certificates if he could have one friend, just one.

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?/topic/29764-as-not-coping-with-school/&page=5

 

 

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My parents totally ignored my disabilities. They really seemed to think that if I did well at school and passed exams everything would be alright. They didn't think beyond that, about what sort of career I might have taken up. They only cared about academic stuff and failed to see that the education I really needed was in social areas. Thinking about it afterwards I concluded that they behaved in this way because they were teachers and couldn't think beyond what they'd been brainwashed with in university. I passed a few O-levels, which have never been of the slightest use to me. I had no intentions of carrying out my parents' dreams of further education as that just smacked of more school and I'd had enough of that. My first job was a disaster. I couldn't get on with the other staff. The boss was very kind and tried really hard to understand me but couldn't. I drifted round various other jobs before I realised that I did best working by myself. Even then, I had problems with time management etc. Because I seemed to be "bright" I was completely let down both by my parents and by the educational system. It was life skills I needed, not algebra. Ivan

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hello all

I had a tough time at school, got 7 gcses B-C which im proud of and then took 7 years to get my A levels, another 7 to get my undergraduate degree and another 7 to get my postgraduate degree. i did other things though during my time at a university that didn't want me at first, disabled student of the year was one award, runner up social entrepreneur of the year was another and my graduation at my 3rd university last month. ive also set up my own support network for adults affected by autism and similar disabilities. We meet in a public place for cafe, cinema and pub groups and have just had out 7th Xmas meal. We set up a second group last April and already have 10 regular members. My volunteer work is enough for me to contribute to society, i do occasionally look for paid work, but struggle to get an interview and fill in forms.

Edited by trekster

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