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Advice needed - how to handle my parents response to my son's ASD

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Hi, new mum to the forum. My son is 3 and received his ASD diagnosis this year. However we have been aware since he was about 15 months old. And our parents (sons grandparents) said they believed the same. However recently my parents have been struggling with my son's diagnosis. I am not sure how to help them and I am getting very frustrated with having to explain autism to them. Unfortunately the imagine they have in their head is of Dustin Hoffman in rainman, but as you all know on here, that is only one possible outcome. We are not sure what the future holds for our son. But no one ever does! 

Example, today I was asked if I want another baby to try and have one without autism! I had to explain that as autism is probably genetic that a second child would probably be the same. I then had to continue to explain why myself and my husband have decided to have just one. 

They feel the are missing out on doing "normal" things with my son. And to be honest I went through that stage, but as the diagnosis took 18 months I had time to accepted it and I have adapted to my son's needs not mine! But I feel I need to constantly defend my son and our choices. There is more but it would take ages to explain.

Am I being sensitive or justified in being frustrated?


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Hi Jessieboots

In my family, I'm the one with the ASD & was only diagnosed recently after my children had grown up. When my daughter was born my parents went completely potty. Everything was about them & their relationship with my daughter. My wife & I were expected to fit in with their plans & ways of thinking all the time. It was about three years before they calmed down & accepted that we had every right to do things our own way. I hope that when I become a grandparent, I don't make the asame mistakes.

It sounds like you are going through a similar problem with your parents, with the added complication of an ASD. It is for you & your husband to decide what it best for your family & it is the role of grandparents to give unquestioning help & support. I hope they realise this sooner rather than later.

Sorry I can't give you any really good advice. It is hard enough to look after a 3 year old you could do without having to look after the grandparents as well.




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