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Hi, I am a stepmother of an 18 year old young man diagnosed with PDD-NOS back when he was about 4/5 years old. I speak on behalf of his father and myself as a team as the mother has taken herself out of the picture quite a while back. I have been in his life since he was 8. We have had all sorts of problems with him including severe aggression (much improved now with behavioural therapies we used) but the lying and stealing remain a big problem. I am not the stereotypical evil stepmother. I have worked hard to help him with his problems in the absence of a decent mother. I have done my best and am now exhausted and sick of the sight of him to be honest.

He is now considered an 'adult' though still at school - he used to be in a special school but we moved and he had to attend a mainstream in order to follow his course in metal work. He has coped fine with being in mainstream and the school were doubtful but he is doing well and its ok. At home is the problem.

We cannot stop him stealing and lying. He has a problem with impulse control and no therapies have helped that, if left to his own devices he would just eat ALL the time. We discovered he was coming downstairs in the night and drinking gallons of milk, eating margarine from the tub, eating cookies, bread, whatever he could find. He often steals food. I once made a large batch of gluten free cookies (i am gluten intolerant) and he raided the box and all was left was 2 from the 30 cookies I made. We now have to lock up the kitchen at night as despite speaking to him and other sanctions he just keeps doing it.:(

Same with stealing money, or anything else he desires including my underwear and when he used to visit his mother hers too. He seems to have a compulsion to wear womens things. We see this as a stealing problem though, he goes into our bedroom and raids my drawers etc for my things, then often cuts them in specific places and has then disposed of them by throwing them somewhere in the neighbourhood. Charming :wacko:.  We now have to lock our bedroom too as nothing would stop him.

He is aparently normal intelligence, has had regular check ups with the psychologist and counselling/therapy. He never improves or seems to give a damn about our rights. It is beginning to feel that there is something more than the PDD-NOS they diagnosed him with. He seems narcissistic or sociopathic. He has NO conscience. He actually gets annoyed with us because we have caught him stealing or lying. He has now lost the use of the internet in our home (only thing he cares about is computers etc) as we have changed the password and have made it quite clear that he will not get access until he changes his behaviour. We have been very clear about what we expect and what we wont accept but he thinks that he should just get it back in a couple of days. We had been warning for quite some time that we would do this. He had many chances but here we are..recently I found a key of ours he had stolen in order to get to his laptop.

We feel like prisoners in our own home with all the keys.  I have fibromyalgia and rheumatiod arthritis and struggle with the stairs and chronic pain and getting to the top of the stairs only to realise that the key is downstairs and vice versa is driving me mad. His father had a nasty accident on his bike recent and was in hospital with concussion and bruising, lacerations etc, was lucky not to lose his eye. What did Stepson do? took advantage of the situation where i was distracted caring for his father and emptied out my purse (i accidently left it downstairs)

We have tried all the suggestions over the years, followed all the advice and have done what the experts say to do, nothing changes it. My question is: is this really the effects of being on the AS ? or is he just an ar***ole?  His mother was an extremely nasty piece of work, manipulative, bullying and aggressive, always expecting to get her way etc. It feels like dealing with her at times.

Any thoughts?

Edited by Seabird50
tried to get bold on the heading - failed

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It could be both AS and being 'a piece of work', it could be a trauma reaction, it could be learnt behaviour from his mother or someone else.

I have a trauma history and I have chronic pain. My joints dislocate on a regular basis, communicating this issue to people is rarely done with an 'ouch' as I was conditioned out of saying 'ouch', also conditioned out of crying, only risperdal (meltable tablets as liquid and hard tablets I reacted to) which helps with the auditory flashbacks.

No matter what I did as a kid I could never please my parents, literal thinking got a smack, hitting an entertainer once got a beating which has left me with claustrophobia and anxiety over louder voices, disagreeing with anything got a smack.

That could have been your stepsons situation before coming to you, that's neither of your faults or your husband's for that matter.

Challenging behaviour foundation might also be able to advise.


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