How to teach autistic child

[MARGOT10]

Hi,I just need some tips on how a child with asd learns the best.My five year ols is very behind according to teachers.I find it hard how a five year old can be behind,buts thats a differant topic.she does not know her A B C s,and although can identify numbers and letters in front of her she struggles just chanting them.It is also hard to hold daughters attention when trying to explain bad behavior as she is very self involved.

My daughter kisnapped her friend ,the friend called round with an elder she was playing with.Bobbie decided that friend needed to stay and play with her.she pulled her into the house closed and locked the door and it was when friend started shouting she opened the door.she then ran after her to pull her back.friend sais she did not want to be friends bobbie came into garden hit us with a padded baseball bat and when i took it of her she ran into the house locked the back door with keys that are kept in lock and would not let us in.luckily hubby finished work early so we unlocked door.I could not get through to her all she kept saying was but mummy I wanted friend to play with me.

So how do you all discipline your child or explain behavior.In the shop today she shouts out that boy looks like a sucker cos he has a funny face,time and time i try and it doesnt get through.what do you all suggest.

[oracle]

Hi Margot,

 

Like all kids, kids with ASD all learn differently. My own sons are visual and hands on learners. Neither are very good at audio learning and even the visual learning needs supporting and help for them to stay on topic.

 

If I may be bold (I usually am so apologies for being so) In my opinion the very first thing to achieve with a child who has ASD is shared meaning and shared understanding. Until we have achieved this then we are simply ticking boxes that are not really full, again in my opinion. What do ABC's mean? Until any child understands that ABC's are the tools of the trade that we will need for reading then just knowing them really means very little.

 

What you described that happened when your daughter kidnapped her friend is not her being naughty. It was a total lack of understanding on her part. She wanted to play with her friend and wanted her to stay and found a way of doing that. When her plan falied she tried to escape because she was getting wrong for something that she clearly did not understand. Again no shared understanding. So first of all I would try and find the shared meanings and understandings. This will stop some of the behaviour problems because she will understand what she can and can not do.

 

ASD is a developmental delay - that means that our kids do things later than others. Not all things but some things. Although I suppose that the teacher is right to mention that your daughter is behind then I would not place to much importance on this at the moment. By helping your daughter to understand you will be facilitating her learning. My eldest is now 18 and I still double check that he has understood me or what ever we are teaching him. It's not that he is stupid he can buy and sell me in the brain power steaks but sometimes he does not fully understand why he is doing something - I think that it is important that he does.

 

I found a really good way to help my yougest understand was Social Stories but not in a book form as he hated books. If a child likes books and stories brilliant - Matthew did not. So I played out social stories with his Teddies, who at the time were his very best friends. This was round about the age of 5. I would play out something that had happened, in your case the kidnap, and using the Teds I would let him see what he did wrong and why. I would say things like Humphrey did not like being locked in the house and was very unhappy. He wanted to stay outside. Big Ted should not have taken Humphery inside and locked the door because Humphrey did not want to go in. His Mummy would be sad if Humphery did not go home. I am sure you can get the picture? I made a game of this and Matthew loved it BUT sometimes I had to re-tell the story many many times before he even began to see the point. If he liked the story I had to continue telling it for weeks even after he had got the point.

 

This is just one idea but the best way forward I think is to use things that your child likes and identifies with. Make it fun. Do not make it last too long and give the child time to ask questions, as many as they need to. This is something that schools do not have - time

 

Carole (hope I have not been too pushy?)

[Brook]

Hi Margot,

 

I withdrew our son who is nearly seven & dx ASD, from school and have been teaching him at home myself. This has really opened my eyes, although he can pick things up very easily, on further questioning you know that he has not grasped the actual concept of what he has been taught.

I too use social stories, and include characters off his video games to attract his interest.

My son is a very visual learner, and I ensure that I use visual prompts to support whatever it is that he is learning.

 

I have always found it very very useful to include his obsessions or his favourite things when trying to teach him something, this will attract his initial attention.

 

My son is very anxious, and when at school could not cope with making mistakes, he would become very distressed and continually erase the mistake, this would lead to rubbing a whole in the paper, then this would lead to major meltdown

I made him a visual prompt, a poster about mistakes, I put smiley faces on it, and drew options, ie, I can rub it out, or get a new piece of paper, or I can put a line through it, also I wrote about it being okay to make a mistake, and we all make them at sometime.

This has took a few months to master, but the difference is incredible

 

Has your daughter got any favourite toys or obsessions, that you could incorporate into learning?

 

I thought Caroles idea of using teddies in social stories is excellent, and one that I had not thought of, but may try myself

 

My son will often shout "look mum, that lady is a fat lady"

and very many similar things, he genuinely does not understand the insult caused, and has no intention of this being the result.

He basically says what he thinks, I have now tried to explain things like the lady would feel upset if she heard you saying she is fat, but I try not to make too much fuss, bending down to his level and talking very calmly does help.

But I know he does not mean it, he has great difficulties with social communication.

 

My son is very verbal, but he works really well with picture cards (symbols), here is a site that you can print off some free picture cards, I have always found them very useful.

 

www.dotolearn.com.

 

I think its a case of trying to observe and see what learning style she uses.

 

Sorry if I've not been much help, but I felt I wanted to post to your thread

 

Brook

[Brook]

I've just re-read my post and realised that the first part is very similar to caroles

Sorry Carole you have a much better way of explaining things than I do

 

The bit about grasping the actual understanding first, is sooooo spot on..

 

Brook

[oracle]

Hi Brook,

 

You explained yourself VERY well. I suffer from fat lady syndrome to? Even my 18 year old still make inappropriate comments. It too a long time but I have finally taught both of them that they make comments like 'That lady is sooooooooo FAT' into my ear. BUT if they should both decided to make a comment into my ear together one being 6ft 3in and the other 4ft 2in can you imagine what I look like trying to accomodate both in the middle of a supermarket

 

I home ed both of mine - yes still both of them - and have found it the biggest eye opener and learning curve ever - for me that is.

 

Carole

[Brook]

Yes, Carole, it's taught ME a thing or two already

 

I am just starting to be able to fathom alot of things, and piece them all together for him to be able to link his learning and take them through to different situations, not an easy task here I go again, not being able to make any sense

 

I have read some of your posts, and you have had much much more experience of home ed than me, but I can relate to so much of what you say.

I'm still a novice but am very pleased with whats been acheived so far

I hope it continues

 

Brook

 

Sorry Margot, am not going to highjack your thread

[MARGOT10]

cAROLE AND BROOK.

yOUR ADVICE WAS WONDERFUL.And i agree totally with what you said about a child having to learn things that they do not fully understand yet.I found it funny because my daughters teacher said that my daughter had alot of trouble with maths,my first thought was for goodness sake she is five.They also said she still has an immature pincer grip,is unable to use scissors.Iam however worried because she does not like school,she has bad social skills and the other children run away from her.I have to give the other children credit though cos my daughter has said to children go away your shoes are begusting as she says it.

I thought that if I could help get her academics up abit she may not feel so set aside.brook I would love to home school bobbie Iam scared stiff as school goes back soon,and I keep crying because I dont want to send her back.Dont get me wrong her school is good,we have just moved her school as she was bullied so bad that the police attended the school twice bear in mind the kids are five.That school was meant to be a very school in wealthy area but it had the not at our school attitude.She now attends a school in what some may consider a deprived area.but it has learning mentors,parent support worker,pay ground pals.I know I have to send her back as her social skills are so poor.

I think what I worry most about is not her academics to me they have never been that important in either of children.I just want them to be happy and at peace with themselfs.Bobbie cannot articulate her feelings so I have no idea exactly how she feels.Your advice was wonderful I feel like iam flying blind and dont know where to start.

[oracle]

I feel like iam flying blind and dont know where to start

 

We all feel like this after a dx Margot because basically you receive the dx and then go home If professionals had any idea what you felt like when you got home they would hopefully send us away armed with loads of information. At the very least contact details for a good parent support group. I say this because I now realise that parents who have children with autism are the experts. But I did not know this when my two were first given their diagnois -within six weeks of each other.

 

 

The thing about schools is they will always tell parents where they children are failing or behind. It is the way that they system is geared. I found it very difficult to handle. I want to celebrate my kids success and believe me they can and do succeed.

 

Matthew is very numerate but only if he understands what he is doing and why. We have loads of maths sessions but he needs to feel that there is a point to his numeracy. We started with money. He likes money But he had no understanding of it. Now he does. Now at 8 he can go into a shop and tell the shop keeper how much change he will need. If necessary he even breaks it down into the coins he will need to be given As I type this Matthew is building a Roller Coaster. OK it is a game but he is plotting the building of the Roller Coaster onto a graph -maths - he is piecing together different sized bits of track - maths -he needs to buy the pieces - maths - he is then bending them at angles - maths - ploting the height - maths - I am sure you get the picture. Matthew loves his games but you can find games that have a duel purpose. It does not have to be a computer game. Making a pizza game can teach loads about nutrition - you have to be adaptable as our kids have difficulty being adaptable.

 

The whole point is until Matthew understands something he does not learn anything. We can teach a dog to jump through a burning hoop. But will it understand why it is doing it?

 

It sounds as if your daughter has some specific sensory issues - smelly feet - give that one away. Matthew say exgusting still But the fact is that if something is overpowering your daughter, like a smell, that will also stop her from learning as children with ASD can seldom multi task and her concentration will be taken up by the smell. Does that make any sense?

 

This is the biggest learning curve that any of us will ever be on and we learn on the job. But it does take time and we can not hope to learn it all in one go autism is a spectrum that is vast. And just when we think we have one problem licked we have another waiting in the wings to take it's place.

 

Your daughters social skills will improve but she will need to be taught them. She will need to be taught what is and is not appropriate but she is only 5 remember. ASD is a developmental delay so she is going to lag behind sometimes. One of the main reasons I took my kids out was because ASD or not I wanted them to look back at their childhood and have some good memories. ###### the autism they are still kids and still need to have fun That is my own personal philosophy.

 

I also talk to much

 

Carole

[blueangel]

Mainstream school may not necessarily be the best place to learn social skills if you have ASD.

Mainstream education aims to reach a standardised benchmark for a child without pronounced learning difficulties. Clearly, with SEN children, there is a discrepancy which has to be taken into account. This also applies to learning social skills.

I would advocate the addition of a programme of emotional literacy - it is important that the approach is consistent from all parties involved with your child. That includes her socialisation group. Why not suggest it to the Head Teacher?

To have realistic expectations for your child, you have to have a specific standard of expectations, and I don't see how this is possible with ASD. You can, however, set up an individual programme geared toward YOUR child.

I found this impossible in the current state education system - I also Home Educate.

[MARGOT10]

Carole your a darlin.sensory things have always been a problem with bobbie since she was 6mth old she would physicly shake almost fit like at loud noises.She now comments alot on a boy in her class who talks to loud and they cant do their work and also that a friends voice makes her head hurt and feel sick and I have to tell friend to go home.puppets,bangs,shouting,fireworks,people in costume ,fairs,bobbie doesnt like them.

Bobbie does have a social worker I told him about the incident with kidnapping,he asked if she was just being naughty.The anser is yes and no,bobbie wants what she wants and nothing outside of it.He gave very little help or advice.Iam sure I will get there when I can get my head straight enough to know where iam going.At the moment I keep looking at her and thinking I dont know how to help you.I feel useless like I should be doing something,or somebody needs to do something.Is this normal,i have known she was differant since she was born,i told the doctors,health visitor.but now they know I feel scared.Iam so sorry for going on,hubby thinks its something that will get better and no big deal.but i feel its huge.Carole from the bottom of my heart thankyou for responding and i totally believe the best advice I can on my daughter is from somebody in the same boat as myself.

[Brook]

Hi Margot,

 

my son also has sensory issues, he is a quivering wreck if there is a sudden noise, he

does not like certain textures ie, jelly, he actually says his nose hurts at certain

smells, that I cant even smell, he is very hypersensitive in these areas, and I always

told the school to be aware of these as they can often be a cause of a 'meltdown'.

 

Margot, you cannot be expected to know how to help in everything straightaway,

if I look back to three years ago, it's amazing what you pick up as time passes,

also something new crops up regularly.

 

When my son was in school YR1 they were learning to add coinage, he could not get

it at all, so when he was home ed full time I focused on this, I used real coins and not

just pictures, I bought a toy till, playfood and basket, I priced the items and we took

turns to be the shopkeeper and customer, obviously the actual concept of the adding

needed to be there first, but by making this fun and visual, he can now add coinage

up to 20p.

 

I wanted to focus on this sort of thing for 'life skills', in my husbands words he say

"we want him to be able to pay his bills and order a pint",

Okay maybe I actually would like him to achieve a little more than that, but you

get the general idea

 

You may have seen in another thread, that my son cannot stand people laughing,

and will often tell them "go home". He now also knows his limitations for social

situations, I took him to the park the other day, and there was a boy he knows,

they played very well together, but after an hour my son said "I have to go home

now", the other boy did not want my son to go and said so, but my son was

adamant, I did not try to make him stay, as I knew he had had enough and if he

stayed it would probably not have ended as a social success as it had..

 

I think the mere fact of having the other 30kids in a class was causing him distress,

Im not saying this is the case for your daughter, but it made me realise that just

by him being with 30+kids all day was not going to make him sociable, in fact it

turned out to be the exact opposite, he actually started to withdraw from them.

 

Please take your time and dont beat yourself up for not knowing everything,

we are learning every single day.

 

Take care

Brook <'>

 

PS Hello blueangel

Edited August 14, 2005 by Brook

[blueangel]

Thanks Brook. Hello All.

I think Brook has made some very valid points. It seems for some of us, HE is working where school did not. The important thing to remember is that ASD usually shows itself as a communication problem, frequently with hyper/hypo sensitivity. Trying to walk a mile in your child's shoes will often give you some idea of which direction to take. I hope the views on these pages help you, and that you have some success.

[MARGOT10]

Brook,thankyou bobbie does say to people are you going home now if they visit,she will say when she has had enough of friends.I have been thinking all afternoon bobbie goes into year one when she returns to school.She was talking this afternoon we call it waffling,she seems to just pick a subject out the air and talk.She said nobody in her class wants to play with her and she did not know why cos she wants to be friends.I think Iam going to give her six months and if i dont feel she is thriving in school I will home school her.

like you and hubby I will be quite happy if she learns enough to live,she is struggling so much with friendship building that I think it would be cruel to keep that sort of pressure of her the fear in her face some mornings when she does not want to go is something that neither her or nor I can keep facing.Thankyou all for being so kind and supporting.