Why can't he see he's nasty??

[Tylers-mum]

My nephew is VERY sly and 8yrs old. Never met such a sly kid and I know that's harsh but it's true! My son is always asking for him to come play which I do allow, just not today b/c I can't deal with the fighting and whinging and the tears etc.

My nephew will torment my son (6yrs old), wind him up, bully him and make's Tyler take the blame for something he has done.

 

Tyler has been asking me for him to come over all day and I know I shouldn't have but I lost my rag and asked him 'Why do you want him to come over when he's nasty to you all the time?' His response was, 'Because i like it'. I then asked, 'why do you like it when he's nasty to you?'. He replied 'Because I do'.

 

I just can't understand why he puts up with this and why he can want to be friends with someone who 99% of the time is cruel towards him!

[Flora]

Hi TylersMum.... I so understand what you are going through. Sadly I don't have any answers. When your son says he likes it, do you think he just likes the company and will put up with the bad stuff for a bit of peer interaction? I know that is what happens with my sons. We have some friends whose boys come to play with my boys and both of mine (both ASD) put up with all sorts of bad behaviour and teasing. The two boys who come over are exactly the same age as my two and are NT (although I do have my suspicions about the younger of the two) and can usually run rings round my boys when it comes to being verbally vicious! I find it very frustrating and often have asked the boy's why they are still so keen to play with them. Their answer is similar to yours, but being older than yours (aged 8 and 11) they have given me slightly more insight in that the negative interaction is sometimes better than nothing at all!! I sometimes wonder if I'm a bit over protective (haha, that's an understatement!) and we should let them get on with it and learn to deal with this awful side of humanity! I'm sure that when it gets too much they'll let us know.

 

Good luck, and hope this may have helped a tiny bit.

 

lauren

[Minxygal]

Hi Tylers-mum,

 

Are you sure that he realises that his cousin is being nasty to him?

 

I only ask because my youngest James has no idea when the kids around him are being horrid to him and he will describe them as his friends. It seems any interaction for him is good interaction. I don't think I've ever heard James say he doesn't like another child and he's 13.

[annie]

Alex always used to say to me 'Mum, why do my friends always hurt me?'.

 

It took him ages to understand that if people hurt you, they are not your friends.

 

Annie

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[loulou]

Hi,

 

Kai (6) doesn't seem to realise when other kids are being horrible to him. He absolutely adores my neighbour's boy (9). They do play well together sometimes, but the boy is very devious and can get Kai into alot of trouble. He takes out his anger on Kai, but Kai still thinks he is great. Kai has also picked up most of his swear words from him too .

 

Yesterday, he was in a bad mood, and he had Kai pinned down on his trampoline. I couldn't see what was going on, so called Kai in. He said his mouth was hurting and when i asked him why, he said "D was squeezing my cheeks in too hard". When i looked in his mouth, it was bleeding.

 

It's so hard, because Kai loves him and they do have nice times together. If i stop them playing, Kai would be so lonely as there aren't any other kids he plays with.

 

Tylers-mum, maybe you could have a word with your nephew, or his parents? I have spoken to my neighbour and she had a word with her son. Unfortunately you can't keep an eye on them all the time though.

 

Loulou x

[karin]

hi tylers-mum i had the same experience at school with the twins but it was another set of twins(non-identical)boys who were calling my 2 names had a word with the mother told her what the boys had she was pretty nice about it has had a word with her two settled down a bit but we will see when they go back in sept but i think you should explain to your son that not all people in this world are nice some can be nasty i spoke to my 2 although not wordly wise they are learning hope this helps keep smilin luv karin xx

[elaine1]

mmm i know. my sons freind is dyspraxic and he has known tom for about 6 years or so. they fight like cat and dog and he can be quite nasty, i have heard him say some horrible things to tom, but he loves him.

 

tom is very loyal to the few freinds he has, even if they arent always nice to him he wont have a word said about them.

 

I think thats what makes him vulnerable, im always afraid that one day one of his 'freinds' will make him do something he shouldnt.

 

sticky situation isnt it?