How can she be so ignorant??

[Tylers-mum]

My sister H and I were at my other sister K's house yesterday afternoon. H had mentioned to me that K had verbally attacked her about her dd's eating habits. She is a 9mth old baby and K reckons that H is starving her. This is in NO way true. H is a small built and baby is taking after her mum. She is fed and well looked after as they practically live at my home! LOL (she visits very often). I wasn't about when this convo took place but K attacked H on a boat full of people at a local beauty spot here. She said that H is starving her, the reason why she's so grizzly is b/c she's hungry and that if she wasn't her sister, she'd report her to social services. K has a knack for 'showing off' as it were when there are loads of people around inc every other member of mt family. She likes to voice her opinions at the expense of someone else's suffering and thinks that 'she' is the best mother in the world.

Anyway, we were sat at K's house yesterday when again, the subject was brought up and I defended H to K and mentioned that Tyler was and still is a very fussy eater often not eating anything but baby pudding and his milk when he was 9mths old. I told her that he would not for the life of me eat savouries so that was basically what he lived on. Well, K's mouth then went for me and she said in her own words 'Well, that's why he's such a fussy eater now b/c you didn't feed him when he was a baby, You're cruel'. I saw red but kept my mouth shut and H and I left shortly after.

 

My problem is this...we have learnt to take everything K says with a pinch of salt b/c she has a foul mouth at times but she is also a very very lovely girl when she hasn't got her head screwed on backwards. But this comment she made has been eating me up and I'm getting angrier and angrier the more i think about it. This is a woman who has 3 children that eat perfectly, always enjoyed their meals and will eat anything on offer, hense 2 of them (14yrs and 7yrs) being majorly overweight.

 

I felt like saying to her yesterday after that comment 'Yeah, and your cruel for overfeeding your kids' but I bit my tongue as per usual. BUT, like I said, it's eating me up and I want to say something to her but then why should I flatter myself by doing that when she'll just jump right on her high horse again and go for the jugular?? I have explained to her before in the past that fussy eating habits may be linked to my son's possible ASD and she accepted that.

 

Geez, I'm soooo angry so any imput would be greatly appreciated right now. What do i do?? I honestly don't think I can let this one slide.

[elainem]

Hi,

 

I know it's hard but to be honest if it was me I wouldn't take the bait. I don't think I would get into a debate with her 'cos she sounds as though it wouldn't make a jot of difference. I think I would say she is entitled to her opinion, but her opinion happens to be hurtful and would she mind keeping it to herself.

 

Be interested to know what others think, I tend to be quite non-confrontational so other may have totally different approach.

 

Elaine

[Viper]

It sounds to me that your sister has her own issues with eating. Is she over or under weight? Maybe she is worried about her overweight children and wants to pass her worries off onto you by saying you underfeed your children when the real problem is she is over feeding hers. I hope you understand what I'm getting at here. She is trying to say your kids are too skinny to try and make hers look less fat

 

I think that makes sense, not too sure though

 

Viper.

[Lucas]

I don't think she realises the severity of what she has accused people of. I would cut someone off and never contact them again if they made comments like that to me; discussion is pointless when someone has already made their mind up and just continuing on as normal is mandate enough for them to continue.

[Tylers-mum]

Thanks for your replies. I have taken it all on board.

 

Lucus - I didn't speak to her for 19yrs over another falling out we had. You'd had thought she'd learn to step carefully around me eh?? Not!! We have been chatting now for 4yrs but believe me, I am thinking about that one, even before you suggested it!! What she said was wayyyy out of line and i dunno if i can just forgive and forget that comment!

[Flora]

Tylers-Mum. All I can say from my experience of having 1 very fussy eater and 2 other fairly fussy eaters that's I've been the recipient of similar comments (though not so blunt as your sister). I've always blown my fuse immediately as I think it is totally patronising to suggest that us parents wouldn't be feeding our children meat and 2 veg if they'd eat it!! I would love to see my kids tucking in to healthy food, as I'm sure you would too.

 

However, what I will say is that as parents to children with ASDs we have enough to contend with without other people sticking their oar in (particularly the people who in an ideal world should be supporting us), and that's what I think you should say to your sister.

 

Sadly, I'm a bit hot headed and if someone said that to me I'd probably give them a mouthfull and then avoid them like the plague. I know I've had some serious falling outs with close members of my family for less than what your sister has said to you. Regardless of the food issue, the fact that she accused you of being cruel is way out of order.

 

 

I probably haven't helped here and may even have fanned the flames, but reading your post made me really angry on your behalf.

 

Lauren

[witsend]

Hi Tylers-mum I tend to agree with Viper here, I think your sister maybe has her own issues with food/weight and so in a way it really is her problem not yours. I can understand how cross it's made you, I find family memebers can push your buttons like no one else, but as any counsellor would tell you you can't change your sisters behaviour you can only change your response to it. I suppose this means only you can decide how best to react to it. You know your family best and will know what's the best way of dealing with it, do (or don't do) what makes you feel most comfortable. Somehow I get the feeling that your sister is jealous about something to do with you and your other sister and that may be why she feels the need to hurt and critisize you, but this is only my gut feeling and I obviously don't really know her or your family situation and I may obviously be well off the mark. Like I say only you will really know how best to handle it and once you're anger dies down I'm sure you will know the best thing to do. Best wishes - witsend.

[hev]

i do not like confrontation but often stew on things for days and wish i had of said something at the time,i just work myself up over it all,in my view your sister hasent a clue what shes on about,i would keep my distance,speak when i had to as its hard when its family isent it,im often surprised how hurtful family members can be as you would think they would understand more,whatever you do anyway make sure you do it when you have calmed down!

[elaine1]

wow im sorry, but however much of a 'nice girl' she is , I wouldnt allow her to speak to me in such a way. we all want the best for our children and it is difficult enough trying to do that with a child who eats normally let alone any other.

 

just let it wash over you and if it happens again say im afraid you dont understand, then tell her what is what. if she still does it refuse to take yr child to her home. end of!