Inclusion -ish

[oracle]

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Edited October 30, 2006 by oracle

[Suze]

Gosh this rings true for me.....my son disconnects alot of what is his into his unit, be it treats, money, toys,.It,s not that he does,nt share it ,s more a type of ownership.He is quite happy to share a family treat , but not let the family share his.He hates it if someone has something and he gets nothing.He can remember every instance of such an injustice however small and reminds me all the time.

[nellie]

Carol,

 

Yes I can relate to this.

 

Apart from eating his meals with us (I discourage him from eating meals in his room ) my son lives in his room, apart from us. When his brother is home he is even more distant. We have a good relationship with him, there's hardly ever a cross word in the house but he sees this as our house and anything to do with it is our business. When I try to include him in decision making he says it's not his problem. I sometimes wonder if we are isolating him by being such a close couple. Who knows! I do recognise his need for his own personal space though.

 

He gets incapacity benefit which he lives on and never asks for extra funds, we pay for all household bills. Apart from the rare occasion when I offer him money for shoes or clothes, which he usually refuses, I never give him money. He shares my car and we share petrol costs.

 

I am now considering helping him apply for DLA, this would mean he wouldn't lose his benefit if he worked (he would lose incapacity benefit) I would also start charging him for his 'keep'. No matter how small the amount I think this might make him feel more responsible and involved, it may just help raise his self worth and motivate him to move on. It could have the opposite affect though!!

 

In an ideal world I would love a self contained unit attached to the house where he could live and be his own person, in charge of his own life with our support on hand if he needed it. Think I'll buy a lottery ticket this week!!

[oracle]

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Edited October 30, 2006 by oracle

[nellie]

Carol, <'>

 

Sorry this must have come as a shock to you. I can understand both points of view.

 

He wants to know why? Well because of the reasons I have just stated. But - he informs me - he has only had two things bought for him this week. Hot Chocolate and Sandwich Bags so how on earth can we be broke?

 

I don't think David is able to see the other persons point of view, only his own "I only had two things bought for me"....full stop!

 

Sorry Carole, I don't know the answer. Maybe bringing in a third party, an advocate with ASD experience to help David understand how his money is spent and how he is provided for.

 

Good luck, I hope you manage to sort it out.

 

Nellie xx

 

My eldest has had a fridge installed in his room, it's just made more problems.

[Suze]

When I heard Tony Attwood speak earlier in the year he made a comment that really ...got me thinking...... "the diagnostic criteria dissolve in solitude".He meant when alone in their comfort environment ie, bedroom......The other thing that got me thinking Carole......was there something specific your son wanted to do or buy had you got any extra cash.Perhaps he,s focusing on that rather than the fact that the money went elsewhere.He might be angry about what he believes he,s missed out on.

[helenl53]

Hi Carole,

 

It is useless to try and make him see that others have thoughts on this matter. It is part of the Theory of Mind deficit.

 

What about a visual using a pie chart or graph

 

May be telling grannie how to suck eggs but I have found with my boy, I overestimate how much he understands because this part of his ASD is really hidden and is only apparent in situations like this.

 

Stress!!!!What Stress!!!!

 

Best wishes

 

HelenL

[oracle]

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Edited October 30, 2006 by oracle

[Minxygal]

As usual Carole I know exactly where you are coming from. Mark only wants to be part of the family when there is an advantage to it for him. He would much rather prefer being seperate from us and does live that way to be honest. Because of the child safety issues with his younger brother Mark now has a room downstairs custom made for him. It basically means that he lives alongside the family but seperate, if you know what I mean.

 

He feels that he gets a raw deal when it comes to the money that comes into the house too, he doesn't see that he should have to lose out anything so that the rest of us can eat etc, it's mad isn't it!!

 

Mark would happily let the rest of us starve in order for him to buy the latest model car or even television magazine, he doesn't see any conection between our needs and his.

[call me jaded]

I remember having huge sulks about child benefit with my mother

 

On another site I go on there is a very poignant thread about working women who make a full financial contribution and then go on to do all the chores whilst hubby and older children lock themselves away on their puters/run up enormous phone bills talking to friends on mobiles.

 

Even though it may be a bit pointed I would be tempted to pin a household budget to the fridge 'to help keep a grip on the money' together with an idea of where the financial and the 'unwaged' housework contribution - cleaning, shopping, gardening, DIY, fetching and carrying, etc - is coming from.

 

Even better find something on the internet that estimates the cost of these chores if done 'professionally' - somewhere around �30,000pa.

 

Pin it all on the fridge, together with the obligatory picture of David Ginola and your lottery ticket. Ogle Davveed as you get the juice. Enrol in French classes so that should you ever meet him... Ooops... that's me, not you.

 

 

P.S. I used to love living alone.