2 year old son hitting me

[Jadensmum]

Hi everyone,

 

My 2 1/2 year old son ASD, severe developmental delay and epilepsy has recently started hitting me and really seems to enjoy it!

 

I'm not sure how to handle it. When he hits, he has this look in his eye like he really wants to hurt me (quite worrying ) but as he has very little understanding - how do I go about dealing with it?

 

Telling him off or saying no doesn't work (he laughs) taking away toys, putting him in his room, turning the tv off doesn't work (he doesn't care)

 

He is non verbal and we are using PECS.

 

Has anyone got any ideas please?

[forbsay]

Hello

 

Your son probably sees this as a game. Maybe there is something you could use via PECS. I know that there are different types of faces that can be used ie happy, sad & angry etc but I don't know if your son is too young for this. I don't know if ignoring this type of behaviour would work as maybe he is looking for a reaction from you??????????

 

My 5 year old son sometimes does this (and again i think he sees this as a game). I say no in a stern voice and say "Mummy is angry!) I also say hitting is bad................

 

 

Elaine

x

[call me jaded]

I used to have scars on my arms from where my son attacked me. I know the glint you are talking about.

 

We tried all sorts of things. What worked for us was putting him outside the room we are in and closing the door on him. No more than two minutes, ever.

 

The other things that have made a difference are:

 

* OT - joint compressions in particular are very, very calming. Can be done anywhere. Possibly brushing might help (you need to be shown how to do this). Read 'The Out of Sync Child'. This is sensory seeking behaviour. My son used to crash into cupboard doors too.

 

* Diet - gluten, dairy, aspartame, msg, colourings, preservatives, citrus have all been removed from my son's diet and his aggression is much, much reduced because of this. Look up the Sunderland Protocol for an excellent place to start. It's not easy but worth it and after a while becomes a way of life.

[lil_me]

I found a strategy of awarding good behaviour, started with stickers but now he's 6 he's money mad worked the best, he really noticed what was wrong when the sticker or money was taken away, just have to threaten now

 

Also been told a punch bag is a good idea, I intend on buying one soon. Rather than just telling them not to do something giving them something to do it to instead.

[baddad]

Hi Jadensmum -

I'd definitely endorse jaded's 'time out/closed door' routine and any reward system (as per lil me's post) your son can get his head around. it's very hard on you i know, but the former should be NO COMROMISE. Your son is unlikely to grasp yet WHY he shouldn't, but the earlier you can teach him that the act consistantly prompts a response he doesn't like (rather than a 'negative reward' which is a very different thing) the quicker that understanding will come. Any 'grey area' will only add to his confusion...

Be warned, any attempt to control this behaviour is likely to lead in the short term to an escalation; in poker they call it raising the stakes... Don't be put off by that, but DO stick to your guns. it may seem harsh, but this is the first stage of teaching him one of the most valuable lessons he will ever learn.

L&P

BD

PS: I'm always dubious about things like punch bags: while these can work for some, many children can't differentiate between controlled 'stress release' and uncontrolled aggression...in these cases something like a punchbag becomes a training aid for exactly the kinds of behaviour you're trying to avoid. My guess would be that at 2and a half your littlun will fall into the latter catagory.

[Brook]

Jadensmum, <'>

 

It's hard when you are on the recieving end, but by being consistent and as soon as he does it I would immediately re-direct him into doing something, dont give any reference to the hitting, like 'thats naughty, that hurts, etc', try to keep as expressionless as poss, once he is doing the required activity that you directed him to, give a few seconds and praise him for what he is now doing. And I KNOW that this is not easy!! but if you try this every time, then he will start to realise that he is not getting the response he was after.

 

Or as others have mentioned, time out/closed door, but I still would try not to make any reference to the hitting, once he has had his time out, then you can praise him for his being calm, 'but not talk about the hitting'.

 

I hope you can find some answers <'>

 

Brook

[lil_me]

I agree with you Baddad it works for some and not others with the punch bag, we got the idea it will work with my son as he uses one at the local soft play and comes out happy after venting the agression. Its just started costing a lot of money taking him there just to kick and punch a punch bag. But also as you said 2 may be too young for that, the punchbags will probably be bigger than him

 

I also agree with what you said about being consistent and I know from experience how hard that can be especially at times when you feel completely drained. I find with my son I have to take him to time out in silence, we don't even speak until he comes back out, then discuss why and say if it happens again he will go back. The worst bit it keeping the door closed with hand on the handle when he is so upset, but you have to focus on why you are doing it and stick to the rules you set, if you don't believe in the rules and keep to them they won't. The psychologist I discussed time out with said 'one minute for every year' my boys six and I find 4 minutes is ample usually. We rarely have to resort to time out now as it was so effective, but he knows it can and will happen again if he pushes it.

 

The distraction I also agree with, as many people find with children on the spectrum you can't just say don't do ***** you have to put something in place to do instead. For example if I say to my son 'Don't jump on the sofa' he will continue, if I say 'Sit down' then praise him when he does he will. Bizarre as it may seem the direct instruction does work with my son.

 

Every child is different and I sincerely hope after being in a similar situation you find something that works with your son, and most importantly works for you aswell.

Edited August 23, 2005 by lil_me

[smallworld]

Hi,

I have recently read some really good posts on another forum from a guy called Jim Crawford on ignoring bad behaviour. Jim deals with severe cases and is asd himself. You can find his posts on www.paains.org.uk ( I hope it's ok to advertise another forum ? !!)

He explains really well that how you respond to a negative behaviour is crucial to an asd child.

I read through his posts on the paains forum and he provides some really good concrete advice on how to react to bad behaviour.

I think madmooch will back me up on this guy,

 

wac

[Brook]

I post at paains, my user name is danowen, yes, there has been excellent advice given to me. I also realise the importance of being very 'consistent'.

 

Brook

[lorryw]

Ive also read and taken heed of the advice from Jim Crawford. He makes such a lot of sense and his ideas are straight forward.

Good luck

[smallworld]

Ah Brook, I think it was your thread on there that I was reading recently !!!

 

wac

[Jadensmum]

Thanks everyone for the great advice (as always!)

 

J has just started PECS so we are only at the stage of him exchanging the symbols. He doesn't know what the symbols mean but it is defintely something to look at in the future.

 

His diet is very good. I have cut out most gluten and dairy (we have the odd slip ups) and he eats organic meat and veg etc.

 

Funnily enough, he's been a complete angel the last couple of days!

 

Definitely going to look into some of the options mentioned. Time out sounds like a good place to start.

 

Thanks guys

 

Denise

[baddad]

Hi again Jadensmum -

 

Don't know Jim Crawfords stuff myself, so may be completely misinterpretting, but ther are certain problems associated with 'extinction' as a behaviour management strategy, not least the anticipated escalation I mentioned in my earlier post. If the behaviours include aggression and/or self harm, this can be a really big consideration. One other downside is that behaviours can escalate to a point where intervention becomes an absolute necessity; in which case you might find yourself with another 'reinforcer' or negatve reward that makes the whole process even harder...

I think not responding to/acknowledging behaviours is a useful PART of an overall strategy, but not something you should do in isolation. With Ben, i found the most useful strategy to be '1,2,3, Magic' which sort of combines time out with a very clear set of warnings and predictable outcomes. There have been a number of threads on this (and other) behaviour management strategies, but at the moment my 'links' thingy isn't working that well - so here's a link to one thread that contains links to some others!

 

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...t=0entry20776

 

Redirection/distraction is another useful strategy, but again you can sometimes shoot yourself in the foot by creating a reinforcer, so tread carefully!

Hope the links are helpful

L&P

BD