Pondering the changes as they get older.

[Suze]

My son obviously is,nt the same child he was when he was 2 (he,s just had his 10th birthday).But as he,s got older his ASD/AS has changed with him. The older he has got the more his AS is apparent , I think this might be because with age people expect a certain level of maturity.I don,t want to say he is,nt mature but he reacts in a way others percieve as immature.I,ve noticed that now he dresses himself and picks out clothes himself he seems to fit that whole "AS" stereotype even more.He always buttons up to his neck, tightly wraps himself in his coat pulls his jumpers into a dress shape. Another thing I,ve noticed are his facial expressions are very cartoonlike , he will smile quite strangely , and his state of excitement is never appropriate.It seems we,ve swapped a whole load of ASD traits and got a whole host of new ones.The insular , toddler who could,nt bear the dentist/doctor shoe shop / nursery / noises/ smells/ food / has gone and been replaced with a routine loving / tractor obsessive/ faddy/ angry at times/controlling chap.I must say we love him to bits and this post was,nt meant to dis him in any way.It just struck me this week when he clapped his hands and squealed that what was obviously different about him before has changed into something else...does that make sense ...has anyone else noticed the changes??

[baddad]

Hi Suze, I think what often happens as they get older is that behaviours get even more noticably bi-polar; That is, the behaviours which are age appropriate but possibly performed 'oddly' stand out more, and those which aren't age appropriate (in either direction) also become more apparent. I suppose, in a nutshell, the NT medical model becomes even more stereotypical, and the 'rules of engagement' even more rigid.

On the plus side, i think it's also a time when people who don't wear blinkers start to accept them for who they are, and grown-up friendships can begin...

L&P

BD

[oracle]

I am now seeing a huge change in Matthew who was 8 in March. For such a long time he has sat on the outside circle of his autism but more and more I see him moving into it. The biggest change that is taking place is regarding his socalisation. Matthew has always been in your face and in your space. Not just with family but with anyone he considered to be his friend, which was anyone who basically smiled at him and said hello. During the last few weeks I have watched this changing. He is now not so quick to take a leap of faith into an activity of situation that is new to him thinking it will be fun. Maybe this is because he has learned the hard way, as often it has been anything but fun for him.

 

He has now built himself a wall which stands between him and other children. Before they were all his potential friends now he appears to fear children he does not know. He is even asking about the reality of new situations.

 

Tonight we have been out with our local autism group. Most of the families were new, probably because the group is growing rapidly. This meant he did not know the children. He was most uncomfortable and I could see he was not really enjoying himself. He usually loves bowling. After Bowling we alway go to McDonalds. Matthew just did not want to go. Of course I did not make him we came home. More and more he is asking if we can do outings and activities alone I did not see this coming and it has taken me by surprise. I can certainly feel the winds of change blowing. I shall have to wait and see how many other directions they have yet to take?

 

Carole

[Suze]

I guess one of the things that has struck me lately is how Jack is begining to fit the AS mould more , his behaviours are more quirky and off the wall .He will talk quite strangely and chirps and skips and flaps....He never used to do all this although I think part of me did,nt notice because I believed other boys that age did stuff like that.Maybe I,m noticing stuff more because his peer group have taken that socially aware trend set route and Jack never wanted to join that trendy club. I mentioned in another thread that when he was younger we could,nt get him near the dentist .....haircuts a no no......buying shoes he kicked the assistant...... he lived in his own world and was very distant.....Today these problems have to a certain extent disappeared he is very in your face with people particularly adults and the anxiety that would appear hourly when he was younger usually appears weekly in a big blow out .....It does make me wonder of the twists and turns they take as they grow-up trying to find a comfortable niche.....wonder what those teenage years will bring

[annie]

Over the years Alex (16 this month) has changed so much.

 

When he was very little he had virtually no social skills at all. He would go up to children and scream in their faces, that was his idea of making friends. It obviously had the opposite effect.

 

Now he is very sociable, His brother (14) has said to me that Alex will go up to people and just start talking to them, where as their other friends can't. Though he does talk mostly about things that interest him, and doesn't 'do' general chit-chat. so the social skills problems are still there.

 

The personal space thing is more of a problem now though. When children are little people accept it more, but now Alex is 5' 10" it stands out more. If I'm talking to somebody, he will just stand right in between us or keep butting in the conversation. He will stand virtually touching people, but gets angry if people touch him.

 

Smells and noises are still a problem to him, but his reactions to them are not so extreme.

 

I'm really proud of him. He's come a long way from how he was. We still have our moments, but not so often

 

Annie

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Edited September 2, 2005 by annie

[Tez]

My son now 14 has also really changed as he's got older. He is now very self aware and accepts and likes himself for what he is. He is happy to be different from others and has found his own little band of friends that like him as he is and support him.

 

The huge hysteria we used to have over haircuts, washing, injections etc. has calmed down but he still doesn't like facing them and still has considerable difficulty. I think that we are also more aware and so handle these situations better.

 

Of course all children change as they mature and go through puberty but this is renowned for being a particularly difficult time for ASD adolescents. I think their autistic tendencies do tend to become more noticeable firstly because it is a time when the majority of NT youngest are trying to ape their peer group so ASD yongesters stand out as being noticeably different and secondly, because the stresses of change and unpredictability reinforce many autistic adolescents need for routine and structure and they immerse themselves in their obsessive interests.

 

As others have said I am immensely proud aof my son and love him to bits. Some things are easier now he's older because he understands what is happening and so can be rationalised with. Others, such as school, are so much more difficult.

Edited September 2, 2005 by Tez

[lsw146]

I was thinking about this yesterday when B walked straight into a person as we walked back to our car. It isn't so much that the behaviour has changed but that it can't be explained away by being little.

 

B still looks 9 rather than 11 but invading people's space or just walking into them without appology is no longer accepted.

 

When I reminded B to applogise she said sorry to me not the person she bumped into which achieved even more of a stare than we already had.

 

When she was a toddler people would say "don't worry" because the expect little ones to do these things but now she just comes across as rude.

[mrs q]

O is alot easier as he gets older , as you can explain things to him

 

T is alot better as now he has language so he can communicate back

[witsend]

Hi Suz- I can identify with what your saying so much. My son (also 10) amazes me sometimes because it's as if he's read a list of expected ASD behaviours and is intent on acting them out. Because he is recently diagnosed I often put this down to heightened awareness on my part, he has always had odd typical ASD traits but I didn't always realise that's what they were. But despite this I also think his traits are more obvious now he's older due to the age appropriate thing.

Some of the time I feel relieved because his behavoiurs make me feel like I have got the right diagnosis for him other times I feel guilty that I didn't notice ( or name) such obvious signs earlier

I do think that yes their ASD becomes more 'visible' as they get older but thankfully I think their understanding and coping mechanisms also become more developed.

I've also been wondering a lot lately what the teenage years will bring - don't know if it will be better or worse but will probably be different!

Take care - luv Witsend.

[punky]

I love my boys autistic side, he is so placid and quiet. he has changed as he has got older, he is easier though and i think his autism is far more noticable. the clothes thing must be part ofit he wears a few jumpers with a couple of tiny tshirts over the top. ?

[elaine1]

yes i have. my sons AS is very apparent now, he is 12. all his classmates stroll around trying to impress each other, and showing off, he walks with his head down and his shoulders hunched, round and round the playground till break ends.

 

i must say it breaks my heart at times, but i know he will not change so i accept it.

 

He will miss so many milestones, girlfreinds, parties, the prom. But perhaps its me who will miss them, he is quite content to be on his own.