Feeling Really Angry

[seeking-sanity]

Hi

 

Can anyone give us some advice please,, we went to meet Js teacher tonight, hes just started this school in year 6 after nearly a year out, hes dx aspergers and dyspraxia, the LEA head set up all the help he needed with 1 on 1 T.A and laptop, hes a very high verbal IQ but on the 1st centile on performance, but is very good at covering up. Anyway to cut a long story short his teacher informed us tonight that basically other than being anxious she thought that nothing was wrong with him and if he did have aspergers it must be mild!! We felt like she was calling us liars, they have the reports but dont have formal dx, which they will have first thing in the morning by me, I cant believe she has said this to us shes taught and known J for 1 week and only mornings.

Sorry for the rant but Im so angry and dont quite know what to do, but feel these teachers shouldnt be able to get a way with giving dx or no dx after all the months of going throught the core team to get a formal dx.

Any advice would be really appreciated.

[oracle]

<'> This is probably no consolation to you but since the schools went back last week my phone has been read hot (I man the phone for our parents support group) with parents all pretty much saying the same things as you.

 

Only this evening I said to my husband that teachers do not believe that our kids have a disability because they can not see it. It's time these and other professionals opened their minds as well as their eyes, and then perhaps we parents would not feel as if we have to 'prove' that our children really are disabled.

 

I wish I knew what the answer was here?

 

take care

 

Carole

[CarerQuie]

A teacher is not qualified to make a dx and like it or not,they need to accept that your child DOES have a dx.xx

[katkin]

I don't know why because it happens so often, but sometimes teachers just amaze me! So on the basis of 10 hours teaching this person can make a full unbiased, professional judgement! Wow maybe she could go round the country giving out diagnoses think of the money she could save the health service.

My only sensible advice is the one I always use with stupid people is this: be very calm and quiet, allow time for a good pause after the person has uttered such waffle. Then calmly and slowly say "I'm sorry but I don't find that comment acceptable" Then stop and don't say any more. The other person always then starts to talk to try to justify themselves, they tie themselves into knots with the drivel they spout. When they've ground themselves to a halt you can put matters in the correct way.

maybe you will have to make another appt with teacher or make one with head or senco to talk things through again. Don't go on your on if possible, take someone with you and make sure all meetings have written minutes (but I'm sure you know that ) Even if the teach does think that she should be professional enough to keep her mouth shut.

 

Carole I don't think there is an answer - it will, sadly, take years of work, effort and tears by parents before any change is accomplished Love Kat

[denise2]

A few years ago, pre-diagnosis my son did swimming lessons. we had to have him moved due to the teacher constantly shouting at him as he did not pay attention and was constantly flapping. She caused him so much distress he nearly stopped swimming, he was 8 at the time. Well now diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome and now age 10, we saw her again yesterday.

 

She said that she remebered him as the one that didn't pay attention. She then asked why he wasn't in school. We told her he was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, sensory problems plus others and due to him being unable to cope with school he was now home educated.

 

She then told us that she was most surprised as she was trained to teach autistic adults to swim and thought that she would have picked it up. We informed her that he was not in fact mild but was well into the autistic spectrum and was diagnosed on the spot when we at last got to see the paediatrician and confirmed straight after by a psychologist.

 

She was left feeling quite shocked and from the look of it feeling a bit guilty

My son and I walked away smiling, hopefully it will make her think twice in future.

 

My point is that even people who claim to know a lot about autism still often do not seem to have a clue. A lot more training and awareness needs to be done.

 

Good Luck

 

Denise 2

Edited September 15, 2005 by denise2

[Suze]

I think we,ve all had comments like these ......I know I have, they can hurt and destroy a parents confidence with such un-educated comments. <'> <'> smile sweetly at them it,s not their fault they talk drivel they obviously can,t help it.

[streamdreams]

Sorry if I seem a bit insensitive hear but there is a lot between this lines that I am not getting.

 

It a very tactless remark, assuming she has an IQ above pond life, what was she really saying? Was she perhaps trying to say I think things are going do work out, he is handling his disability well ?

 

How does J feel? Does he like the teacher? Are the building a rappor (sorry cant spell that) ?

 

My worries, is the parents can alienate teachers, very often through simple miss understandings and it?s going to be a very long year if that happens this early on. I just cant help think that communication broke down.

 

I suspect it was something very silly , was she was expecting rain man and was perhaps a bit thrown by not getting that? J is main stream right ? so her expertise is not AS right?

 

Or have I got this all wrong and she was seriously saying "I dont beleave you I want to see the paperwork"

 

Julian

[Brook]

I think when someone who is not very familiar with your child makes comments such as

'oh, he must be mild', it immediately gets your back up, as we see what difficulties our kids encounter every single day compared with NT kids and believe me my sons are not mild, even though he would be considered high functioning.

Sometimes I think people actually think they are being kind to you by saying such things, when they honestly do not realise that all it does is actually trivialise the difficulties that our kids and we face.

 

I think that Seeking sanity, may have felt that if the teacher assumes her son to be mild, then she may well overlook what difficulties he is really facing and this definitely would be a disastrous start.

 

I personally do not like to use different terms to rate the severity of a childs difficulties, but the term mild always comes across as insignificant to me.

Just my own opinion here, dont shoot me

 

Also the teacher mentioned about him being anxious, then surely she must know that this is very common as they are trying to cope, or does she?

 

 

Brook

 

PS I loved your post denise

Edited September 15, 2005 by Brook

[seeking-sanity]

Thanks for all your replies.

Julian- I can see what you are saying and obviously J knows nothing of what was said, however she was wrong to say this she is obvoiusly not educated in the autistic sprectum and knows very little about J and I found myself justifing Js needs, which looking back I shouldnt of done, I found this teacher did not have the sense to realise that maybe J is coping better because he has the support he needs. Maybe more teachers in mainstream should do their homework and realise these children dont come into school with aspergers written on their foreheads.

 

I feel Kat is right teachers are not qualified to make dx or to judge dxs, we all know they are not given lightly and the meds involved would have to be 110% sure before giving a dx.

 

I loved your post Denise and I hope it made her think!

 

This teacher did actually say Brook that it must be very mild and your right I did wonder if with her own judgement in place any difficulties would be overlooked.

 

Thanks everyone for your replies it really helps, however it is sad to know there are so many people in the same boat.

 

I'll stop now and hope I havent offended anyone.

 

Beth

[nightingales]

Hi Beth,

I've come late to this topic, but it sounded sooo familiar. We had a teacher two years back who said C was 'perfectly fine with her' (ignoring the previous years of battle to get him to go at all, and then to go into lunch, assembly, PE...). After a couple of months things came to pieces, as she'd decided without consultation that it was time to 'be a bit firm with him' and make him 'pull his socks up'. She even started writing comments in his work along the lines of 'Come on C, everyone else in Class 2 is expected to do this!!'. Basically, she felt he could do perfectly well without all this mollycoddling, and removed all his support and 'privileges' (for which read essential ways of coping in school).

 

Result? He couldn't see why she 'didn't seem to like him any more' -- and she suddenly had a seriously stressed, flapping, growling, headbanging OBVIOUS PROBLEM in her classroom.

 

It's good advice to stay calm and assume they meant it kindly (personally, kindly sympathy makes me want to growl... the same teacher later told me 'We're all very sorry for you, you know', and I just about resisted biting her. How dare she say that about our child!). On the other hand, it's also good advice to make sure they aren't assuming he can be scolded out of all this newfangled autistic nonsense by a bit of good firm handling!

 

Good luck!

[phasmid]

My worries, is the parents can alienate teachers, very often through simple miss understandings and it?s going to be a very long year if that happens this early on. I just cant help think that communication broke down.

 

I agree, but it cuts both ways. Teachers can alienate parents just as easily. a prime example of which is the throw-away remark like the one given by the teacher here to Beth. I will not try and defend the teacher, I have had this comment myself about my own son with a teacher I now work with. Whats more they were the SENCo too! Too many teaching (and non-teaching) staff are quick to make comments like this. My first comment back would be to ask them when they gained their medical qualification!

 

Take a big deep breath and make an appointment to go in and see her. Sit down and discuss things, maybe take in some bits and pieces for them to read after you leave. Just try not to let a rift develop between you. Let her ask anything she wants to know...if you haven't got the answer perhaps you could find out for her.

[ksasnic]

Some teachers see it and others well... Having spoken to my lads headteacher today she is concerned that the autism outreach lady was due in today for nick but then phoned last night and said as nick doesn't have a dx (this on the findings of 1 clinical psychologist who spent all of 5mins in the same room as Nick talking to me !!! ) that he no longer needed their support !!!

 

This is despite the main consultant saying that Nicks needs were very complex and that support will continue despite the clinical pscho's findings !! HA what a joke now I don't blame the consultant but that stupid man who thinks playing God without a proper assessment based on what I can remember and not on Nick and his problems.

 

The dilemma though as the headteacher put it - a lot of it is due to funding... they are equally gob-smacked at the abrupt end of support.. and feel for the knock on effect she even said that some education authorities even try and claw back the funding from the schools if the dx is not forthcoming and the support withdrawn as the statements are issued on the proviso that their is a need.

 

This stinks totally as if that happens then obviously its not just the child with a statement that suffers but the whole school as the funding then has to be paid back even though it has been spent on 1 to 1s etc.

 

I have been very lucky in this school with Nick but not so in the first school he attended where the teachers didn't have a clue... besides having a statemented kid meant a not so healthy ofsted report !! ha that was a joke... out of a school of over 350 kids only 1 child had a statement and that child was mine !!! but as apparently was the norm they alienated the child and parents that they had no choice but to leave and find a better school for their child....

 

I told the ep about my views and what others had said and I think they were under an inquiry but I didn't hear the outcome we were long gone and releived...

 

Insensitive teachers who would reward kids on their spelling tests with sweets my boy couldn't get to grips with reading let alone spelling so he was the only child without a sweet (this was a school who also had a healthy eating policy) she took great delight in denying him this.... until I told her what I thought of her and how she was pure evil... he was also alienated at breaktime as he won't eat fruit and their no junk food policy so I used to send him in with a little box of raisins the closest to fruit he would eat but the same teacher made him eat them inside away from the rest of the kids as she said it was ina little box???? !!!!!

 

She made matters worse, instead of encouraging him she alienated him from the rest of the group making him to be totally different to those around him in a completely insensitive way and yet at the same time denying there was any problem to the ep and others that came into assess him...

 

 

anyway must dash to pick him up from school now

 

good luck