tracey Report post Posted September 23, 2005 Hi anyone else in this position couldnt get my teenage daughter to school today she missed bus then panicks as she thinks she'll be late my dad was going to take her but she worked herself up so much she didnt go she couldnt understand that she wouldnt have even been late. my parents think I should let them force her to go and just drop her off even though shes in a state crying etc they think shes doing it on purpose to defy me and im too soft on her and she gets away with things as im on my own even though shes been diagnosed people still think she'll snap out of it if im harder on her the thing is I just want her to get on and be happy maybe thats where im going wrong??? T Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lynyona Report post Posted September 23, 2005 tracey i can empathise with that my older ds think that i let kieran(19 ASD) get away with to much but compared to the concequences of the major meltdowns as wrong as it may be it is sometimes the easier option ,but within reason of course.Kieran didnt go to school for three weeks once for no reason as he liked school he went to a special school and he just went back but there was no way he was going to go i cried yelled and screamed at him but it didnt make any difference.At the end of the day which as been said before we know our children best we live with them 24/7 others only see from the outside.lynn Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted September 23, 2005 Hi Tracey - I think it's a question of finding the right balance... Without a doubt, ANY teenager will try to control those around them, and manipulate in any way they can to get their own way - that's human nature at it's most raw. With ASD, this can be even more complex, because that sort of 'control' can be fundamental to the individual's sense of wellbeing and 'self', and it's also possible that responses to overt pressure will be more extreme because the usual boundaries are less well defined. With that said, it wouldn't be uncommon for a child with ASD to 'exploit' his or her dx, especially if that is a strategy which has paid dividends in the past... It's a tough call, but if you're fairly sure your daughter's responses were 'genuine' -she'll need you as an allie... If you think there might be some doubt, test those boundaries to find out one way or the other. One other thing: every child needs some victories, so even if you think she is pulling a fast one., let her get away with it occassionally; one DAY off school every now and again isn't too problematic, especially if she goes back the following day in a better frame of mind. L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oracle Report post Posted September 23, 2005 When this happened to my son I said tough mate you are going. He was 11 at the time. So he stopped taking the bus and walked the three miles there and back. Then he had problems even leaving the house. My father did step in and take him in his car. On ocassion he actually vomited in the car or as he got out. It got to the point whereby the school were sending him hom ein a taxi beacause he was ahving panic attacks in school. Yes all kids try it on but your gut will tell you if this is the case? I knew that school was making my son phsyically sick and still I sent him. He eventually had a breakdown. So while I agree that our kids can try it on expolite their dx then I would say be cautious because sometimes at this age there fears and phobias are for real. Until you have actually walked in these shoes that it is difficult to know what it is like. take care Carole Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tracey Report post Posted September 23, 2005 Thanks for all replies I think my daughter does want to go to school but does not like any change or anything going wrong missing the bus is a bigi for her as she automatically thinks of being late and not knowing where to go even though we would have got her there on time she couldnt see that on these occasions I would rather keep her at home than see her going to school hysterical and everything getting on top of her at school unfortunatly my family cannot see this and think im letting her get away with it There view if she is bungled in the car and left at school it will make her think twice about missing the bus again T Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oracle Report post Posted September 23, 2005 There view if she is bungled in the car and left at school it will make her think twice about missing the bus again Erm I don't think so - just my opinion of course Carole Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
