Aspergers - could it be?

[anxiousmom]

Hi, I've just found this site in my search for answers.

 

I have a lovely 6 year old son who on first inspection seems pretty normal. However, since he started school his out going excentric self has been crushed and he's becoming withdrawn. Over the past year I've been trying every trick in the book to secure him some freinds - but to no avail. I've been to the school and they've tried to initiate bonds too - but alas non stick.

 

Other things about him include - high intelligence, literal understanding of words (but no confusion), clumbsy (can't kick or catch well - was investigated for possible dyspraxia as he couldn't hold a pencil well - very flexible joints), very niaive (would still dress as a girl, no interest in others latest crazes), obsessions (with playing card games - pokemon, yu-gi-oh etc... knows their powers, casting costs etc), he developed a nervous tic last year but this has mostly passed and he invades others space (very huggy to other kids).

 

I would say he was out going as he manages to make a buddy in any park we go to... but at school he seems withdrawn and has even said "why doesn't anyone want to be my freind mum?"

 

It breaks my heart and for months I've been looking for answers. I came across aspergers and he seems to tick the boxes but I've no experience of it - could it be this mild? I'm currently looking for a diagnsis... but even private it seems like I'll have to wait months!

 

Any comments would be most welcome (I'll shut up now!)

[mossgrove]

Welcome to the forum, you will find plenty of support and advice here.

 

The short answer is it could well be Aspergers, much of what you write describes our 7 year old who was diagnosed with Aspergers 2 years ago. It doesn't mean it definitely is though, but you should certainly seek an expert opinion.

 

Many children with Autism/Aspergers are not outwardly affected by their Autism in a way that media sterotypes would have you believe. Difficulties in making friends is one of the most heart-breaking things for a parent to watch, and I certainly know where you are coming from.

 

 

Simon

Edited October 4, 2005 by mossgrove

[smiley]

Hi anxiousmum,

 

He does sound very much like my son who's 6 and has been diagnosed as having Aspergers. I'm not medically trained, so i can't give you a definate answer. All i can advise is you keep pushing for him to be assessed - do you have CAMBS (Child and Adolesent Mental Health Team) team that you know of? - Your son's school should know - i actually dug up the number and phoned them direct. They were the first people to really help me - but it's different for everyone.

 

Sending you some of these <'> <'>

[streamdreams]

Try this quiz from Tony Attwood

 

http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/asperg...aleAttwood.html

 

Keep the result, It can provide a talking point for the profesionals. also try and get his teacher to fill in a copy, (s)he will often have a direrent insight.

 

Julian

[anxiousmom]

Thanks for the replies. It is heart breaking to watch... I think he's almost resigned to his freindlessness now. Hubby wants to help but I don't want to get it wrong... you know pushing in the wrong direction. Still he gets plenty of what he likes at home.... we can all play the card games (hubby is a bit of a games man and has his own personal pokemon collection that would be the envy of any school kid!)

 

I've not heard of cambs but I have been refered to our child development center and one of the ladies there is an asperger expert... though she retires in a year so we'd better move quick. The secretaries said that as soon as they get the letter we will be 'seen' within 13 weeks... not sure how long the assessment takes after that though!

 

Thanks again... I'll be reading this site for a few days and absorbing all I can.

[Kathryn]

Hi anxiousmum and welcome to the forum. There is a lot of info on here, take your time and read through some of the threads. It is frustrating waiting for definite answers - I hope you get your appointment soon. Good news that there is an "expert" near you - there are too few of them out there.

 

K

[jlo9371]

Hi

 

I am extremely new to this myself, and feel a bit daft even offering advice.

 

but my son was the brightest kid in school, and is still registered on the "gifted & talented" pragramme. This was the fact that threw everyone off the scent.

 

(Only kid they ever had registered on Special needs & Gifted register - LOL)

 

When you read a page of characteristics in any ASD, they always state "probs with communication etc" which never fits in most cases!! (on face value).

 

In MY OPINION ONLY, most people that have traits of the ASD, appear a great deal more in the prodigy/genius category & this is what appears to cause the irony.

 

My son the genius (cannot tell me what he had for lunch) but can design a website aged 9.

 

I wish people would start to realise that anyone with ASD's are not retarded (not aimed at you), in fact "I think the opposite"

 

Hope this helps etc (but as I said - inexperienced)

 

Regards

JLO

[Canopus]

In MY OPINION ONLY, most people that have traits of the ASD, appear a great deal more in the prodigy/genius category & this is what appears to cause the  irony.

 

My son the genius (cannot tell me what he had for lunch) but can design a website aged 9.

 

I wish people would start to realise that anyone with ASD's are not retarded (not aimed at you), in fact "I think the opposite"

 

Talent is only of any use if someone spots it who is in a position to make good use of the talented individual. Sadly my talents have never been spotted by anyone in a position to make good use of them at any time in my life. In the 1980s and early 90s, kids who were talented at music and sports had a lot of opportunities available to them but there was just nothing for kids who excelled at maths, science, and computers. I had exceptional computer skills at the age of 10 and could program in both BASIC and assembly language as well as having a thorough knowledge of computer hardware such as the Von Neumann architecture. I was totally self taught by reading books and magazines and playing around on my own computer. Sadly my school thought I was wasting my time and should focus more on the work I was set. My educational psychologist wrote that I was computer obsessed to the detriment of everything else.

 

Things have changed and there are more opportunities available for kids talented at maths, science, and computers such as national competitions and various clubs they can join. In a way they have come too late for me. I hold an engineering degree yet I hardly know any other engineers so have no idea what really is going on in industry which results in difficulty in finding a career because I can't network with the people who have all the insider knowledge. Engineers also seem to be shy reclusive people who don't hang out on internet discussion forums. I am a member of several electronics and computer forums and most are dominated by amateurs and hobbyists rather than those working in industry. Perhaps if someone from industry had spotted my talents 15 or so years ago then things would be different for me today and I would have a successful career. I am actually thinking about quitting engineering as a result of this.

 

It is naive to think that raw intelligence and good qualifications are the pathway to a successful career. At the end of the day it's not what you know but who you know that really matters. This is particularly so for kids with AS who have high intelligence but few friends or acquaintances and don't know any adults who work in the career field of their dreams.

[anxiousmom]

Canopus.. .I couldn't agree with you more.

 

I've just deleted a long boring reply (mostly about me! )

I just wanted to say how much I relate to what you've said and I know how frustrating it is to be capable of so much and yet utilised so little.

 

Having myself quit in engineering, teaching and IT, I'm almost at the other side of my mid life crisis now ( ) and I'm seriously thinking of letting the old grey matter take early retirement and turn my hand to a caring proffession... .starting with getting the happiness of my little boy fixed a little and back on the right tracks. The fact he comes home from school with homework he could have done 2 years ago means nothing to me.... I just want happier tales - that's all.

[jlo9371]

I agree entirely, but will try to re phrase what I said.

 

I think previously during the 70's & 80's, it was only children with OBVIOUS major development delays that were noticed, but now more & more children who appear advanced are being recognised as having ASD's.

 

Although I realise that there are still shortfalls in understanding, awareness & diagnosis, at least children previously overlooked are being recognised and given the additional help & education that you and many others never had.

 

I just wanted to point out that we need to look beyond the steryotyped ASD, and see that so many high achieving individuals or potential high achievers have ASD's too, I am still educating myself on ASD's (still at novice level), but I am astounded, overwhelmed & facinated by the vast amount of brilliant people who are considered or are confirmed to have ASD's. (including you)

 

Without the outstanding efforts to raise awareness of ASD's, my son would have ended up excluded from school (& eventually society) and his talents and strengths ignored.

 

You seem to be hard on yourself, you have achieved a great deal without assistance or intervention, and surely you need a huge pat on the back for that alone.

 

I will have to think in the future before I offer any more crude opinions or observations - apologies

 

(Hope I havent spoilt the thread)

[DaisyProudfoot]

Hi Anxiousmom,

 

If you are looking for help on a diagnosis, skip the school and go straight to the GP. This was the advice we were given by our SEN teacher at Martin's school - so we did.

 

From going to the GP in February this year, he was referred to a paedetrician who interviewed us, interviewed and watched Martin, referrred him to a child psychologist who did all the necessary tests and by June of this year he received a dx of AS.

 

Meanwhile the school was still awaiting a reply from the Speech and Language Therapist - who has now been informed by the psychologist and is seeing Martin next week!

 

I never have a bad thing to say about the NHS after this speedy dx

 

Daisy

[anxiousmom]

That sounds promising! I went to GP last week and he was great about referring him (the fact he sat banging a toy against his head for 5 mins repeating "knuckle sandwich, knuckle sandwich" helped... oh and whilst I was reading to him in the waiting room he decided to pull out his "whatsit" like a string of chewing gum... possibly all unrelated but it helped my case!).

 

We've been refered to our local centre and fortunately there's an AS expert there... I'll push REAL hard to see her first time to cut out as much passing on as I can. I spoke to the fantastic secretaries and though they admitted they were snowed under I was assured that I'd have an appointment within 13 weeks of them getting the letter from the GP. I just hope that's not followed by another 2 month wait to see Mr X, 6 weeks to see Dr Y and 3 months to finally see Dr Z.

 

I've been in persuit of a private diagnosis but that seems to be just as hard.... managed to speak to only 2.... one was cripplingly expensive and the other is booked up until May next year anyway!

 

I'm still looking... so if anyone knows of someone good...... (I'm just north of London!)

[Kathryn]

Hi anxiousmom,

 

It's a relief in a funny kind of way, isn't it, when your child shows their full repertoire of behaviours in front of a professional - no one can then tell you you're making it all up.

 

If you keep pestering your local centre and are willing to take a cancellation at short notice you might be seen quicker?

 

Re private diagnosis - we went down this route for my daughter as we needed answers quickly and we weren't prepared to wait for an NHS appointment. The person we saw was very good and well worth the money. She is in the London area so if you want details send me a pm. (Last time I spoke to her in January she was just off on maternity leave so she may not yet be working - but worth a try).

 

K

[Canopus]

I think previously during the 70's & 80's, it was only children with OBVIOUS major development delays that were noticed, but now more & more children who appear advanced are being recognised as having ASD's.

 

In other words the thickos. When I was about 1 year old my GP issued my parents with a hard hitting statement not to teach me anything before I started nursery school. The reason was that it would be a disadvantage to be clever at school as the state system offered no facilities and no resources for clever kids and they would be become bored and frustrated with the system. In contrast, thick kids would be given extra help that they needed. My parents ignored the warning and continued teaching me stuff to the point where I knew most of the KS1 curriculum by the time I started nursery school yet half the other kids there couldn't even talk. My parents lived to regret it.

 

Although I realise that there are still shortfalls in understanding, awareness & diagnosis, at least children previously overlooked are being recognised and given the additional help & education that you and many others never had.

 

At least LEAs don't send kids to residential schools that are run like PoW camps by vindictive staff anymore. I had to endure such a place simply because my mother thought that leaving me at home would be a waste of a good brain. They were unaware of distance learning courses because they were so poorly advertised and I couldn't get any info on how to enter myself in for GCSEs as a private candidate. Two libraries and a citizen's advice bureau had no information on this. A local college wouldn't take private candidates and wouldn't offer its courses to under 16 year olds. There was an exam centre in London for private candidates but I didn't know of its existance until my chemistry teacher at college told me and I was 17 at the time. If was thick then it would have spared me from having to attend a PoW camp and I could have just stayed at home and done as I pleased.

 

Without the outstanding efforts to raise awareness of ASD's, my son would have ended up excluded from school (& eventually society) and his talents and strengths ignored.

 

Schools rarely ever spot talent unless its sports or music. They are just machines for teaching the National Curriculum. All child prodigies, so called child prodigies, and undiscovered child prodigies did their work outside of the school system.

 

You seem to be hard on yourself, you have achieved a great deal without assistance or intervention, and surely you need a huge pat on the back for that alone.

 

I recently came to the conclusion that the teachers were right. It was all a waste of time. My expertise in computers and electronics got me nowhere really. There are people who attended my school that are younger than me and they have achieved much more despite being totally thick. One has a very successful bulldozer leasing business, and another who didn't even bother taking any exams is now a property developer millionaire.